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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Four year old twins left home alone

112 replies

MrsDoylesTeaTrolley · 27/08/2023 10:08

For at least an hour. Is there any circumstance that makes this reasonable?

OP posts:

SnuggleBuggleBoo · 27/08/2023 11:24

Scirocco · 27/08/2023 10:55

Is it the apocalypse?

Unless it is, then no, that's not reasonable.

Who the fuck leaves their kids alone during the apocalypse?! I find it bizarre that in the film 'Sully' a mother hands her baby to the complete stranger next to when the plane is going down. If you believe you're all going to die surely your overwhelming instinct is to hold your little ones closer than ever?

Aylestone · 27/08/2023 11:26

How do you know they were definitely alone? If this is true then I’d report them to whoever’s working in the unit

Janiie · 27/08/2023 11:26

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 27/08/2023 11:13

I'm not sure who you reported to, but if you're in refuge / equivalent then you need to also report to Women's Aid who run the refuge, if it wasn't them. It's probably a breach of the occupancy agreement, but more importantly, her key worker will be able to support and look into what happened. It's never acceptable to leave such young children alone, and given your living situation, she could have asked you or another woman to keep an eye on the children.

She doesn't know if she did leave them. The op didn't see her leave so therefore she wouldn't have seen a babysitter arrive. Maybe a friendly and supportive neighbour had a baby monitor.

In a situation like this if women can't support each other and chat before running to report when can they.

If she's left them alone then yes the op should tell her it's obviously a massive safeguarding issue and she has no option to inform the woman's key worker.

Insidelaurashead · 27/08/2023 11:32

OP reporting it was the right call. If the staff speak to the mother and it turns out there was a babysitter OP didnt see, no harm done

3awesomestars · 27/08/2023 12:11

It should be reported to the police not social care as soon as suspected. Stating a child is in immediate danger . 4 year olds do not have the capacity to care for themselves. Police are the emergency service and have the power to enter the home. Social care do not have this power and they would not respond immediately.
This is then the evidence and ensures the children are safe, social workers would then take over. If a report goes in and a social worker goes the next day the mother could just deny it and it is then word against word.

Janiie · 27/08/2023 12:13

Insidelaurashead · 27/08/2023 11:32

OP reporting it was the right call. If the staff speak to the mother and it turns out there was a babysitter OP didnt see, no harm done

Well I'd get my facts straight first. A facility to provide a safe space for women should surely include a bit of support for each other too.

LlynTegid · 27/08/2023 12:14

You did the right thing OP.

Fredblog · 27/08/2023 12:16

Maybe someone was keeping an eye?

WandaWonder · 27/08/2023 12:16

Ex-partners did this and you want to report them to social services for something?

paradoxicalfrog · 27/08/2023 12:16

Where did she go? Is she an older woman? I'd be extremely concerned about her mental health and competence

What's age got to do with it? OP has said this is accommodation for women who have been subjected to DV.

IfICantHaveYou · 27/08/2023 12:17

I have 3 year old twins!

Cannot imagine doing this

MadeForThis · 27/08/2023 12:20

It could have been a lot longer than one hour.

Beezknees · 27/08/2023 12:27

Never ok. I didn't leave DS for that long until he started secondary school!

RadishAndTwiglet · 27/08/2023 12:37

Do you think she went to spend time with her abuser OP? This was sadly quite common when I worked at a women's refuge.

That's what I was thinking. She knows she'll lose the children if she takes them near him, but she can't keep herself away. And if she asked anyone to watch them they'd ask her where she's off to.

Floopyfloop · 27/08/2023 12:39

Has she done this a few times and is it always the same car?

almostoverthehill · 27/08/2023 12:44

Come on did you really need to ask 🙄 obviously bloody not!

femfemlicious · 27/08/2023 12:50

MrsDoylesTeaTrolley · 27/08/2023 10:21

I didn’t hear/see her leave, but she returned (solo) in a car I’ve never seen at this address before. There was at least an hour between when I realised the children were alone and the time their mother returned.

WOW. Please report urgently!

Turtlegurl888 · 27/08/2023 12:54

paradoxicalfrog · 27/08/2023 12:16

Where did she go? Is she an older woman? I'd be extremely concerned about her mental health and competence

What's age got to do with it? OP has said this is accommodation for women who have been subjected to DV.

I missed the comment about it being a neighbour in units and as OP referred to her as Mum in another comment I thought it might be an older incapacitated parent. Obviously that isn't the case. I did comment further up saying I'd got it wrong.

Valerie23 · 27/08/2023 12:55

How long before the girls would have been discovered if the mother had been involved in an accident etc? Or simply chose not to return?

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12210669/amp/Mother-left-baby-starve-death-partied-days-used-cannabis-harmful-level.html

Isitautumnyet23 · 27/08/2023 13:11

Absolutely report - there was a case very recently where all her children around that age died in a fire as Mum had nipped to the shops. In an emergency you would ask a friend/family member/neighbour to look after them or take them with you. Are you absolutely certain they were alone?

We are just allowing that amount of time for an older primary school child - we will be close by (nipping to local shop), child knows how to open the door, phone us and already walks home alone from school. A 4 year old probably cant open the front door to escape. Shocking if its definately true.

Ontheperiphery79 · 27/08/2023 13:27

Did you not think to check in on the twins to see if they were okay at the time?!

Rayaandthedragon · 27/08/2023 13:28

NSPCC website

Refugeethread · 27/08/2023 13:28

We had 2 siblings, a year older and a year younger than these, brought into care. Had been left home alone and one had fallen from a window. Fortunately only minor injuries.
Id assume there’s staff if your apartments are all for women fleeing from DV , I’d report to them. If there’d been a fire……..

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/08/2023 13:29

Good God, NO!
Who supervises the units? Report.

Pinchelada · 27/08/2023 13:36

My kids are 1.5, 5 and 8 and one night they were asleep and all of our electricity blew. I was home alone and knew i had to go down to the basement of our apartment block to flick the switch. I was deciding between:

Waking them all up and taking them with me, maybe putting the younger 2 in buggies.

Having no electricity until the morons, which would mean pitch black and the fridge and freezer thawing.

Ask a neighbour to watch them.

I was in a such a dilemma but the lady across the hall stood in my hallway for 2 minutes while I went down to the basement.

The thought of leaving them for 2 minutes crossed my mind but made me shudder when I imagined them waking up in the dark without me, or a fire, or me not getting back into the apartment.

There is no way on this planet that I would voluntarily leave my children alone for an hour!

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