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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU: Elderly parents do not care about their impact on the environment

481 replies

Scientistathome · 27/08/2023 08:07

My elderly parents acknowledge (in passing) that the human impact on the planet is destructive and that their family's future could be jeopardized.
However, they refuse to do anything about it. They burn gas and electricity in summer to keep warm (extra jumper? Nooo!), Will not Install solar panels (they can afford it), take unnecessary flights, ... the list goes on.
They flaty refuse to change any habits despite that they know they should and could.
I get quite mad with them!
AIBU?
I know it is their choice, not mine but it affects all of us (their grandchildren are quite disgusted with them).
Are other people's parents like this?
(I know that some parents cannot afford eco-friendly choices like solar panels)

OP posts:
Guestetiquette · 27/08/2023 12:21

My in-laws are in their 70s and since they have learned more about the climate emergency and what the future will look like for us and their grandchildren, they have completely changed their lifestyle. They have cut their carbon footprint to one of the lowest of anyone I know. They don’t preach about it, they just get on and do what they know is right. They are super impressive and set such a good example to us and their grandchildren. I think once you know the connection between the carbon you use and the impact now, and in the future - it’s really hard to keep up with a high carbon lifestyle without massive amounts of denial. The dire reality of what we are facing, however, isn’t really reported fully, so lots of people don’t yet fully understand.

sidebirds · 27/08/2023 12:22

Divebar2021 · 27/08/2023 08:31

It’s difficult when people give zero fucks when you’re stood there washing your yoghurt pots with a “every little bit helps” mentality. I was just on holiday with some American friends and they kept bringing out disposable plates which is such a small but infuriating thing to do. ( for dinner when we’re in a house with a dishwasher).

What about the energy use by the dishwasher? 😧 Perhaps simply eat off the floor to avoid use of water and energy? Tip: DO NOT heat food (uses energy).

FineganFineagain · 27/08/2023 12:23

BarrelOfOtters · 27/08/2023 08:50

This stuff makes fuck all difference while China and US are powering through their fossil fuels.

And Russia, and India. I don't think OP's parents' lack of solar panels is going to make a lot of difference 😄

Beezknees · 27/08/2023 12:23

I'm 33 and I take unnecessary flights and will continue to do so. Personally I wouldn't be a hypocrite and tell others what they should or should not be doing.

FrecklyFrog · 27/08/2023 12:27

fedupnow2 · 27/08/2023 08:11

Yabu. Even your kids are disgusted, sounds like this rubbed off from you? Is this only reserved for your parents because they can afford it and not for those who can't. And why only the elderly?

I agree with this re: Why only the elderly?

Some folk are really proactive when it comes to caring for the environment, some aren't. I don't think it's an age issue. My mum is pretty responsible about it, my daughter buys constant ASOS stuff with next day delivery.

daliesque · 27/08/2023 12:31

I hate this business of pitting generation against generation

There's certainly a lot of it on here. This is just another blame the Boomers thread, forgetting of course that nit all Boomers are loaded.

My dad grew up in a tenement in Glasgow. No central heating, no double glazing, ice on the inside of windows, constant condensation...mould...you get the picture? Add to that little money and large catholic family.

His family recycled everything as there was no choice.

When he became an adult he continued living frugally and whilst our childhoods were far more affluent than either of our parents, we still had everything second hand and hand me downs. My parents bought their council house in the 80's but lost it when the interest rates hit 15% so they ended back in rented accommodation. Which had storage heaters which they couldn't afford to run, so spent several Scottish winter's freezing.

It is only now that my father (my mother died years ago) has better accommodation- my sister, brother and I all contribute for the rent on a nice flat for him. He survives on £200 a week pension and pension credit (no gold plated private pension for a labourer, in fact no private pension at all). The winter fuel allowance he gets helps him to heat his flat so he no longer spends most of the winter bundled up in blankets and coats. As we all live in England - from Birmingham downwards - he often flies down to spend time with us all. He drives a small car for local journeys. Finally he is living a nice life, nice for him. He's not cold, he's not hungry and he gets to travel a little bit by plane.

People like my father are not the problem here so stop making this a them and us thing.

The young people today have no idea that it is my generation and the generation before who started raising awareness of environmental matters. Some of us were eco warriors before this generation were even born.

WeetabixTowels · 27/08/2023 12:33

Middleagedmeangirls · 27/08/2023 12:13

Your parents probably grew up when there was no CH and ice on the inside of bedroom windows was normal, people shopped locally and seasonally, there were no takeaways or UPF, there weren't any single use plastics, very few people had cars, daily baths/showers were unusual, ordinary people didn't fly etc. if that's the case their impact on the planet through the years has been very light compared with younger people who take all of the above for granted.

it's hard to change as you get older. Give them a break. Make the changes you want to see in your own life and MYOB.

Exactly this!!

If they are truly elderly (and not MN elderly of 45) they’ll have lived through rationing, they’ll have raised their children during Thatcher years and the 3 day week. They’ll have known being dangerously and relentlessly cold and starving hungry for years and years. They’ll have known cutting up small bits of meat so it all goes round, and being in a home where the risk of death or illness is high due to cold conditions. They have now reached an age and situation where they can be as warm as they like and eat whatever they want, whenever they want. And people like OP and others who haven’t had half the hardship their parents have, think they can trot along from their (pointless) solar panelled homes and have a god given right to lecture their parents’ life choices?! Fuck that- insufferable, whiny virtue signalling heartless know it alls. I hope they disinherit you all and donate their money to Skeptic organisations. You’d deserve it.

Cowlover89 · 27/08/2023 12:35

Yabu

BitOutOfPractice · 27/08/2023 12:38

WeetabixTowels · 27/08/2023 11:08

OP describes himself as ‘someone with a Y chromosome’ rather than just saying ‘man’ so I’m not sure we should be taking the advice of someone so dense

So he’s not just a pompous arse about the environment. He’s an all-round pompous arse. The best kind eh? 😬

Your second response is so PA @Scientistathome that I really laughed at it. All that butt hurt “oh so I guess I’m in the wrong for caring about the planet”.

im not surprised your parents ignore your noble one-man crusade. Their eyes have probably rolled out of their head.

i hope you realise that lecturing, hectoring, and hypocritical rhetoric are not the best ways to win friends and influence people.

I am probably mid-way in this debate. I am a fanatical recycler, I minimise my use of the car (once a week?) and really try to make as many good choices as I can. But I don’t pontificate about it.

paradoxicalfrog · 27/08/2023 12:42

They might well be able to afford to have solar panels fitted but do you know how many years it will take before they start to benefit financially from them?

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/utilities/free-solar-panels/#:~:text=If%20you%27re%20at%20home,much%20electricity%20you%27re%20using.

"If you're at home all day, it will take you less time to make your money back. You'll recoup the installation costs in about 15 years on average, if you live in the middle of the country. In comparison, if you're only home during the evenings, it's about 20 years."

See also section: "Not all homes are suitable for solar panels".

CityCommuter · 27/08/2023 12:50

@Scientistathome sorry but you sound demanding and a bit cruel tbh. Don't you understand that elderly people are often set in their ways / views by the time they get to a certain age? Your parents sound like they're not a burden and are quite independent people taking 'unnecessary' flights as you say. Don't you ever fly? Why did you have children if you're so concerned about the environment?

Maybe appreciate having your parents more instead of indoctrinating your children to turn against their grandparents as you'll miss them when they're gone... in fact you'll long to have them back in your life with the heat switched on in summer...

Barney60 · 27/08/2023 12:53

Personally, I expect less from younger generations as they have less money to pay for lifestyle changes (DS has had same phone for many years!). I feel that the burden of change should fall on older generations (including myself) as they often have more resources with which to do.

So you and your children dont have TVs, use any electronic devices, you walk to local shops and cook from scratch daily not using freezers, you brush your house floors not using an electric hoover, wash your clothes by hand not using a washing machine, read by candlelight, not using electric lights. (Realise you have solar panels which take on average 11 years to be cost effective, and on average last 20 -25 years, as its fairly new technology)
Only warm one room which you all sit in together in the winter. All clothes are mended and passed down to the next child.
Walk everywhere bar the odd public transport when needed.
Dont throw anything away to mend and make use of, thats what your children's grandparents did, (depending on their age, its what i was brought up doing) i think they have earnt the right to go on a few holidays, and put their heating on when their cold.
Personally i expect more from huge corporate company's, not the older generation who have already done their bit.

FarEast · 27/08/2023 12:54

I know it is their choice, not mine but it affects all of us (their grandchildren are quite disgusted with them).

The bigest impact they had on the environment was conceiving you @Scientistathome and your biggest impact on the environment is conceiving their grandchildren.

If you drive a car, if you have DC, get off your high horse about your parents.

LaMadameCholet · 27/08/2023 12:55

Kendodd · 27/08/2023 10:47

It really astonishes me when people say stuff like this. 'Some anonymous random said something mean to me on the Internet so I'm going to do something to harm myself and everyone else just to show them'.
The most ironic is when they do something harmful in response to somebody calling them stupid, thereby proving the name calling poster correct.

Show quote history

@Kendodd and @babbscrabbs unclench dudes, I was joking. No-one was mean to me and I’m not really going to tip the planet into a new Ice Age. I just found the OP somewhat pompous. Apologies if I caused you any anxiety.
Anyway, as my username may have indicated, I’m a Womble and we were recycling waaaaay before any of you lot had even heard of it.

Zebedee55 · 27/08/2023 12:55

bellac11 · 27/08/2023 09:03

Leaded petrol was all there was until unleaded came along so what is your point there exactly

I grew up in a working class home, we holidayed once a year down on the south coast, in the one car we had (not even my dads car, it was a works van), we had glass bottles for everything and my mum would use a shopping trolley and bags to trundle back and forth to the shops. I grew up on public transport.

There wasnt much plastic in comparison with levels now, that was the system they had, there wasnt a choice as such

Dont be so rude, its not 'rubbish', you said that people ran two cars, had dryers, holidays abroad and tvs in several rooms. That was not common for my family or families I knew, the tv was rented for a start and sat in the main living room.

Show quote history

Yep, that was life for most of us. Don't know where all these affluent, wasteful people were. 🙄

Zebedee55 · 27/08/2023 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yeah, we are. Absolute nasty, greedy people. A disgrace to mankind Go, us!🍾🍾

Thelnebriati · 27/08/2023 13:01

Maybe they realised there isn't enough metal in the Earth's crust for us all to have stainless steel drinking straws and solar panels and electric cars.

Yoghurtpotsatdawn · 27/08/2023 13:30

Personally i expect more from huge corporate company's, not the older generation who have already done their bit.

👏🏼👏🏼

WeetabixTowels · 27/08/2023 13:33

They probably think they 'deserve' to enjoy their life (baby boomers are known for their particular brand of selfishness)

@Sueveneers you are so right, old people are gross and should enjoy nothing about life at all. Entitled twats thinking they are allowed to enjoy themsleves

Heyhoherewegoagain · 27/08/2023 13:34

CurlewKate · 27/08/2023 11:53

"Sanctimonious and preachy"
AKA-saying things that are hard to hear.....

Nope. Too young and not enough life experiences to have had to make difficult choices.

Exactly he same reason I can’t stand 20-something “politicians”

greengreengrass25 · 27/08/2023 13:34

zingally · 27/08/2023 11:28

I think of all the hills to die on with elderly parents, this is one of the stupidest I've heard for a while.

Surely you'd rather spend the final few years of their lives having a good relationship with them? Making happy family memories, and ensuring your children have good memories with their grandparents... than making every interaction with them negative and whiny?

Frankly, I'd rather my elderly mum spent her last few years enjoying herself and being a little wild. Getting tied up in knots about recycling isn't the way to go.

Definitely

It just gets too much sometimes with the eco stuff

We can all do our bit but....

Dontcallmescarface · 27/08/2023 13:35

Cotswoldbee · 27/08/2023 11:43

Shame the OP had not come back to fight their corner. ☹️

I think he's trying to piece together his shattered ego after getting his arse handed to him by a bunch of uppity wimin.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/08/2023 13:36

LauraNorda · 27/08/2023 08:11

The best thing they could have done for the environment was not have any children.

😂😂😂

RudsyFarmer · 27/08/2023 13:36

Another ageist thread!!!!!!!!!!!!

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/08/2023 13:40

WeetabixTowels · 27/08/2023 12:33

Exactly this!!

If they are truly elderly (and not MN elderly of 45) they’ll have lived through rationing, they’ll have raised their children during Thatcher years and the 3 day week. They’ll have known being dangerously and relentlessly cold and starving hungry for years and years. They’ll have known cutting up small bits of meat so it all goes round, and being in a home where the risk of death or illness is high due to cold conditions. They have now reached an age and situation where they can be as warm as they like and eat whatever they want, whenever they want. And people like OP and others who haven’t had half the hardship their parents have, think they can trot along from their (pointless) solar panelled homes and have a god given right to lecture their parents’ life choices?! Fuck that- insufferable, whiny virtue signalling heartless know it alls. I hope they disinherit you all and donate their money to Skeptic organisations. You’d deserve it.

Show quote history

Totally agree and some of us jave been aware of global warming and other environmental issues since the early 70s (remember the hole in the ozone layer?). It wasn't discovered by Milennials or whatever came after them.

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