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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people actually look for things to be offended about nowadays

40 replies

Butterflyfluff · 25/08/2023 20:38

Just reading threads on here lately - some people seem to just look for things to argue with their partner / other posters on here etc.

What happened to live and let live?

OP posts:
RobertaFirmino · 25/08/2023 20:52

People? You do know that there are some humans in this world who identify as animals or inanimate objects. Are you deliberately excluding them from this debate?

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 25/08/2023 20:53

RobertaFirmino · 25/08/2023 20:52

People? You do know that there are some humans in this world who identify as animals or inanimate objects. Are you deliberately excluding them from this debate?

😂

OP posts:
ZombieNations · 25/08/2023 20:58

Sounds like you are getting offended by others getting offended…you sound defensive and should probably check you haven’t offended someone with your offensive assumption that they are offended. 😂

Twingletree89 · 25/08/2023 20:59

I tend to agree op. There’s no giving people the benefit of the doubt any more.

One example is that you used to be able to come on Mumsnet and admit to making a parenting mistake (a genuine regular mistake I mean, not anything horrible) and other posters would be sensible about it and give you reassurance and advice. Nowadays if you admit to being less than perfect, you just get flamed instead. It’s so immature, trigger-happy and holier than though!

unvillage · 25/08/2023 20:59

Replace the word "offended" with "hurt" and see if it changes your perspective at all. It did mine.

DNAwrangler · 25/08/2023 21:01

unvillage · 25/08/2023 20:59

Replace the word "offended" with "hurt" and see if it changes your perspective at all. It did mine.

Nope… still the same

RobertaFirmino · 25/08/2023 21:01

I'm sorry Butterfly, I couldn't resist it!

I do agree with you though. Live and let live has gone right out of the window. Some things are always worth challenging, things that end in '...ism' and '...phobia', for example. I can only suppose that some people are frustrated with their lot in life and take it out on others. In the case of MN, perhaps there are some who feel their only function is 'mother'. To make themselves feel better about this, they criticise other women's mothering in an attempt to convince themselves that they are better than them.

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 25/08/2023 21:04

DNAwrangler · 25/08/2023 21:01

Nope… still the same

Show quote history

Same here

Even lighthearted threads come with so many caveats in order to avoid offending the professionally offended.

OP posts:
Freepo · 25/08/2023 21:05

unvillage · 25/08/2023 20:59

Replace the word "offended" with "hurt" and see if it changes your perspective at all. It did mine.

Why did it, out of interest? I can’t see how it would make any difference?

MichelleScarn · 25/08/2023 21:06

Omg @Butterflyfluff I didn't expect THIS when I opened the thread, so hurtful...
I am ENTITLED to think I am the centre of everything and that people have to think about me before they post or speak!!
#FlouncyMacFlounceface

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 25/08/2023 21:07

MichelleScarn · 25/08/2023 21:06

Omg @Butterflyfluff I didn't expect THIS when I opened the thread, so hurtful...
I am ENTITLED to think I am the centre of everything and that people have to think about me before they post or speak!!
#FlouncyMacFlounceface

😂

OP posts:
RobertaFirmino · 25/08/2023 21:08

Twingletree89 · 25/08/2023 20:59

I tend to agree op. There’s no giving people the benefit of the doubt any more.

One example is that you used to be able to come on Mumsnet and admit to making a parenting mistake (a genuine regular mistake I mean, not anything horrible) and other posters would be sensible about it and give you reassurance and advice. Nowadays if you admit to being less than perfect, you just get flamed instead. It’s so immature, trigger-happy and holier than though!

Yes. When 'twas all fields, you could say 'Oh my god, the baby rolled off the bed when I was playing with him and I feel terrible'. Everyone else would join in with the time it happened to their own baby and the conclusion would be that this was a rite of passage for all new mothers. These days, it's all 'You failed to protect your child'.

Hellsbellsandspidersankles · 25/08/2023 21:08

unvillage · 25/08/2023 20:59

Replace the word "offended" with "hurt" and see if it changes your perspective at all. It did mine.

Nah. You can’t be hurt on behalf of someone else.

MichelleScarn · 25/08/2023 21:08

DNAwrangler · 25/08/2023 21:01

Nope… still the same

Show quote history

Agree, still centring yourself and trying to control other people.
"You can't do/say that I'm offended/hurt."

MartyMcFlysPurpleUnderwear · 25/08/2023 21:09

I am offended by this thread OP.

I am literally crying and shaking right now.

RitzyMcFitzy · 25/08/2023 21:12

On Mumsnet? God yes. So many people are either lecturing paragons of virtue who cannot conceive of a parent ever giving their kid potato waffles and beans and others are just snarling beasts determined to tell the OP it's none of her business so why has she bloody well started a thread. And then there's the 'imagine a man had posted this thread? You wouldn't find it funny then' brigade.

The funny and lighthearted threads are fewer and farther between.

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 25/08/2023 21:12

Twingletree89 · 25/08/2023 20:59

I tend to agree op. There’s no giving people the benefit of the doubt any more.

One example is that you used to be able to come on Mumsnet and admit to making a parenting mistake (a genuine regular mistake I mean, not anything horrible) and other posters would be sensible about it and give you reassurance and advice. Nowadays if you admit to being less than perfect, you just get flamed instead. It’s so immature, trigger-happy and holier than though!

Exactly this

OP posts:
bellac11 · 25/08/2023 21:16

unvillage · 25/08/2023 20:59

Replace the word "offended" with "hurt" and see if it changes your perspective at all. It did mine.

To be honest that makes it worse.

The things people think they should be hurt/offended about astound me

OP are you thinking of the thread about a husband commenting on a woman driving a van?

Tiredalwaystired · 25/08/2023 21:25

Oh god yes! Was having this conversation last night. People want to pigeon hole themselves into smaller and smaller boxes and if you’re not in that box you’re against them.

And also being offended on behalf of people who have openly said they are not offended. That’s the worst of all.

Threenow · 25/08/2023 21:47

unvillage · 25/08/2023 20:59

Replace the word "offended" with "hurt" and see if it changes your perspective at all. It did mine.

No, doesn't make any difference to mine. Every time I am on MN someone is offended or hurt about some trivial ridiculous thing. I really don't know how some people cope with life - although, also gleaned from MN, it appears many people can't.

bellac11 · 25/08/2023 21:50

There is a growing trend for everyone to view their feelings as completely reliable facts

Its much more healthy to recognise that our feelings are not always reliable, sometimes they are, sometimes they're not.

But so many people believe that if x is their feeling then its paramount in everything and that everyone has to work around that feeling for them

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/08/2023 21:56

Sometimes you want a good old fashioned debate without falling out with your own family and friends and here's a good spot for it !

Original poster
Butterflyfluff · 25/08/2023 22:03

bellac11 · 25/08/2023 21:16

To be honest that makes it worse.

The things people think they should be hurt/offended about astound me

OP are you thinking of the thread about a husband commenting on a woman driving a van?

Show quote history

Yes - There was that, and one about buying cheap shoes where the mother was accused of being a mummy’s girl and one about council tax debt where there was a typo - and that’s just today

The list is endless

OP posts:
Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 25/08/2023 22:30

Absolutely, sometimes I look at comments on social media and there are so many tedious debates about nothing. I worry for the future, many people expect perfectionism in every sentence, and seem unable to assume good intentions.

There was a thread recently where someone commented how Lucy Letby knew some victims were born through IVF and discussed with the parent's their struggle, and it was an added dimension to her evil.. of course the thread turned into. ...so you're saying IVF babies are better and should be spared? How dare you....

FOJN · 25/08/2023 22:35

unvillage · 25/08/2023 20:59

Replace the word "offended" with "hurt" and see if it changes your perspective at all. It did mine.

Unless I'm making personal comments why on earth should I feel bad if someone is offended/hurt? Seems like a very unhealthy approach to life.

Offence is taken, not given. It's time to encourage people to grow up and stop pretending that the world can be EVERYONE'S personal safe space.