To think people are becoming increasingly (physically) isolated?

[PaperCups]

I graduated during the pandemic, and all my friends now WFH (computer science degree). Almost all of us are single and in pretty well-paying jobs. Nobody leaves the house if they can help it.

I know the whole stay-at-home thing isn't due to money issues as these people get food and coffee delivered every day, multiple times a day. There was a £1250 Tolkien coin released by the Royal Mint, and many are ordering it so "can't afford to" isn't even the reason why.

Initially I thought this was a quirk of my course mates but so many other WFH folks in my company talk about how they hardly ever leave the house anymore too. Is it just the sector I'm in? I was on Reddit the other day and there were so many people talking about how they find themselves choosing to stay at home unless strictly necessary. Is this normal for people my generation (20s/early 30s)?

I don't drink so I'm not even looking to go out and party or anything. I just want people to have regular coffees with and walks in the market but it seems like that's too much to ask. When I do ask I get "I hate being around people" or "it's too noisy" or some variant of that. I know they're not avoiding me either as I then get invited to hang out on Discord instead.

I do the school run and go shopping but that’s pretty much it yeah. I work from home.

Been to one wedding, held one bbq and been to three family events this year. That’s all. Dh has done one more, he went on a stag and works in an office but apart from that again he doesn’t do much.

I don’t like being around groups of people for too long it’s tiring.

No, it's not normal. I think lockdown has given a lot of people agoraphobia, whereas they would maybe just have been a bit introverted before. It's sad to see a lot of young people practically begging for another lockdown so they don't need to deal with their lives.

I'm afraid I don't have any useful advice for you other than try and find other friends! When I moved to a new city I found the Meetup app really useful. There's also lots of facebook groups for organising social events, so there's bound to be one in your area. Good luck!

What are you proactively doing to meet other people who you can have regular coffees with and walks in the market?
What clubs and groups could you join, what activities do you do, what hobbies do you have? Courses? Voluntary work?
You're choosing to stay at home and waste time on Reddit talking to other people who are choosing to stay at home🙄

I work hybrid in an office and WFH with a wide variety of age groups including 20/30s. I also have DC in their 20s. I know they are going out to concerts, holidays, meals with friends etc regularly. Even those of us who are older and/or have kids are still going out and we all go into the office at least twice a week.
I would say your situation is more unusual for someone with enough money and no kids etc. Perhaps it is a quirk of the job type that attracts more introverted people and has been exacerbated by the lockdowns.

Op I'd agree people are becoming increasingly isolated. It's definitely not good for single people to spend so much time alone.
WFH is convenient but you don't get to know colleagues in the same way.

I miss the office banter and laughs. And chat about other stuff, kids, pets, grandkids, hobbies, general chit chat.

I volunteer at a shelter. The other volunteers are all considerably older and that's not a problem for me but they have families of their own so they don't exactly have lots of free time to hang out especially on weekends or in the evenings. We're also busy during our volunteer sessions so it's not exactly social time over coffee.

I found a dungeons and dragons group (the tabletop pen-and-paper game). It was initially an in-person activity and then after 2 sessions they decided that it was more convenient to do it all online over Discord.

It's not that easy to find people.

I'm in my mid 40s and now WFH. It's great with school she kids, and gives me a lot more flexibility. But in my 20s it would have killed me! I have made life long friends from work, by being in the office, going out for lunches and drinks after work. My work social life was everything in my 20s & 30s. It feels a shame that you get people aren't getting the same experience anymore

School aged kids typo!

How about anything spotty - running club, cross fit, sailing course? Musical - choir, orchestra? Am dram? Comic con? Historical reenactment/LARPing?

Sporty not spotty!

I'm currently in recovery from a torn ACL so no sports for me, sadly. My previous softball club has also disbanded due to low attendance so that's not something I can go back to.

I may be indulging in stereotypes here but when you mentioned that you're computer scientists and that lots of them are buying this £1250 commemorative Tolkien coin I did wonder if they're mainly the introverted. 'nerdy' types? I have found that people like that are very enthusiastic stayer-inners!

How long until you recover from your injury?

I’d say in the nicest possible way that computer science is a bit geeky? And this tends to go hand and hand with introverted people who prefer to stay inside. However lockdown has probably had a lot to do with this!!
I hate being at home for long, I get so bored but I have a 5 year old so that means I NEED to go out!!

I wondered this too. Not that there's anything wrong with that if it makes them happy but no OP, most people are not like this. There's a whole world of in-person socialising out there. Book club for starters maybe? Or walking/rambling if your injury allows?

I’m definitely going out less than before the pandemic.

My job is now fully WFH and I really miss chatting to colleagues, impromptu lunches and after work drinks.

My life is less stressful and more convenient, but I do miss the casual day to day interaction that didn’t require organisation.

I do admit that I and most of the people I know are a bit geeky. First year of uni when we still had in-person classes, our post lecture activity of choice was to go to the boardgames cafe near school to play tabletop Warhammer 40k. I know it's not "cool" but I don't drink and am not into the typical party scene so I was happy with what we did.😶

Then lockdown happened, the cafe closed down, everyone got a remote job, and here we are.

My job is very social. The local pub nearest to our workplace seems to be full of 'us'

We go for after work drinks
Have leaving 'do'' there
Even a quick lunch

It's all quite surreal, especially when you go in and see someone there (in civvie clothes) on their day off!!

We can't get enough of each other it seems!! 😆

We’ve had a few work leaving dos recently (company restructuring) so I’ve been out and a couple of times ended up in the nightclub worried I’ll look out of place (age 41) but nope, everyone was my age. Where are the young people?

I agree with @HothouseFlower , @RitzyMcFitzy and others, that you are self selecting the people you are talking about here.

Yes, being able to do more on-line has helped those that were never likely to be joiner-in-ers and sociable folk anyway, but I wouldn't then scale that up to "people".

My (young adult) dc, their cousins, friends, partner, workmates, people they play sports with, people they go out with, their old school friends, uni friends, my friends' dcs, etc are all out there, enjoying all sorts of activities, just as young people have always done.

To meet people who like getting out and about you have to venture into the out and about space and then engage with people. Sports clubs might be out at the moment if you're injured, but there are other situations where you could find people - like by volunteering at your local parkrun, or starting an in-person educational course like a cooking class or pottery or something. Getting to know your neighbours and seeing if you could start up a once a week pub quiz team or organise some clothes exchanges, helping out older residents, that sort of jam.

I agree with you. I’m early 30s and mostly WFH and have been finding it so so so difficult. People are definitely less likely to go out of their way to socialise with new people.

We have young dc so that stops us from going out much in the evening. But DH chooses to go to the office 5 days a week even though he could wfh 2 days, and he does the morning school run for DD1. I take my DD2 out every day to a toddler activity, and school pickups and errands and after school activities for DD1. At weekends we take the DDs out to weekend classes and some other activities like museums or theatre shows. Lots of people in attendance and out and about, so people certainly aren't hiding away.

We live in a bit of London that's quite touristy and popular for young people (15-25 years) to visit and the pavements have been as crowded as ever, with queues around the block to enter the tube station.

I don't think that it's just the 'geeks' either, my sister works in a branch of fashion, works from home, and I cannot fathom how lonely her life must be. Her husband works from home too, and if it wasn't for their dog, they would never leave the house. We joke that they're like retirees, gardening, reading, pottering around but doing nothing with other people.
I was reading an article the other day about how people in their 20s are really into the mundane. I think so much of it is a reaction to lockdowns as well, anyone with introvert tendencies has really withdrawn. I'm a bit older than you, but we've noticed a few friends that have just dropped out of any social activity since then!

You need to make friends with other people who enjoy going out. It's just different personality types. I love staying in, it's my space and all the things I like are here, why would I go out where its noisy, dirty, germy and expensive? You say your friends don't struggle for money but for me I'd feel ripped off spending any money at all on food and drink while out as I'd enjoy it much more in my own house. And it would be cheaper. The money from this I save I spend on things I like.
Forcing people who hate going out to be around other people just because it makes you feel better is selfish. Find people who agree with you.

I'm the happiest I've ever been since lockdown. So is my partner who also wfh. We have so much peace and jokes and quality time together. We get so much more done in the day and are rarely stressed about anything any more. It's been so liberating.