To think people are becoming increasingly (physically) isolated?

[PaperCups]

I graduated during the pandemic, and all my friends now WFH (computer science degree). Almost all of us are single and in pretty well-paying jobs. Nobody leaves the house if they can help it.

I know the whole stay-at-home thing isn't due to money issues as these people get food and coffee delivered every day, multiple times a day. There was a £1250 Tolkien coin released by the Royal Mint, and many are ordering it so "can't afford to" isn't even the reason why.

Initially I thought this was a quirk of my course mates but so many other WFH folks in my company talk about how they hardly ever leave the house anymore too. Is it just the sector I'm in? I was on Reddit the other day and there were so many people talking about how they find themselves choosing to stay at home unless strictly necessary. Is this normal for people my generation (20s/early 30s)?

I don't drink so I'm not even looking to go out and party or anything. I just want people to have regular coffees with and walks in the market but it seems like that's too much to ask. When I do ask I get "I hate being around people" or "it's too noisy" or some variant of that. I know they're not avoiding me either as I then get invited to hang out on Discord instead.

Computer science has more than it's fair share of introverted, nerdy people but that type of culture has spread across the workforce. Most of us probably have jobs that are pretty much completely reliant on technology these days, meaning that we don't have the same non-negotiable got to go into work culture.

Agree that the pandemic reduced many peoples' tolerance of noise, people, busyness, commuting etc and that many younger people have been put in the position where they have been able to opt out of learning these skills.

Even ordering food and drink to be delivered to home avoids having to actually interact with another human being.

Make sure you get on vitamin D supplements if you never see sunshine 😬

Yeah it’s got worse I’ve got wfh friends who don’t leave the house for weeks. For me personally I’d go mad!!!!!

Im out the house 2x for dog walk, then once for exercise like swimming or gym and sometimes pop out for a coffee in the week too. I wfh but deliberately make sure I get out the house a lot!

Weekends we spend the mornings at our hobby and have a coffee with the club etc. after then weekend afternoons we see family or have some downtime.

My daughter is in her 20s. I’m currently looking after her dog because she’s at a festival. She does hobby clubs (music related) and meets up with old school and university friends/work friends/hobby friends for social events. She’s been known to say she’s got too much social on and needs a rest.
I’m in my 50s and do music clubs, book club, an evening education class at the university and meet friends for meals out, as well as having visitors from various other places I’ve lived over the years. I’m going on a solos group holiday in a couple of weeks.
I think that, as has always been the case, some people prefer not to go out - a combination of the pandemic and technology has meant it’s much easier for them to avoid it now. But ‘people’? No. In general people are doing as much as they ever did - in fact since lockdown I (and lots of people I know) have started saying yes to things more often as we appreciate opportunities more having had them removed for a while.

Maybe it’s my age saying this but… social decorum has declined to the point that it is often unpleasant to go out. Plus, towns and cities are overcrowded after about 11am. If I must go out, I like to be back by 10ish.

I live in one of the nicest towns in the country (apparently)… last weekend we went into town for the first time in a while, there were drunk people yelling, a couple having a v loud sweary argument, e-cigs and e-scooters galore, half naked teenage girls, illegal breeds of dogs, and an old drunk man with his trousers around his knees with everything hanging out! That’s why I stay in.

Our idea of a good day out is a v rural walk where we don’t come across anyone else, and a quiet pub lunch where there is no one behaving horribly. Almost impossible to achieve.

I’d like going out if the town was clean, roads were good quality, noone smoked/vaped, there was less overcrowding, no pollution, people were properly dressed, and people had good old-fashioned manners.

Should add I work with people with maths degrees so similar to computer science. I studied maths too but I leave the house. But I’d say at my work is 50:50 in terms of people leaving the house daily or not.

I'm noticing that places/events that used to be busy and multi generational, now aren't. People aren't doing as much, which is why pubs/restaurants etc are closing and many community groups aren't getting the numbers in. Day couch trips that you used to have to book well in advance have still got places two days before. Likewise the theatre. I'm in parks dog walking and with my GC and nowhere is as busy as it was, yet the population has gone up by a third.

You're far too young to be living a life like that. What a terrible waste of what should be the best time of your life. It sounds like a prison. You need to get right out of your comfort zone. Book an outward bound course in the Brecon Beacons or something like that when your ACL is healed. Never mind what other people are doing and following them. DON'T!

Live your life and push yourself now. You have a loooooooonnnnng time when your old to sit around the house. Good luck.

I think this sounds so very sad OP. I hope when my own child is older that they are able to experience the same rich and diverse workplace experience I did - as others have said work is important in terms of socialising and making friends for life and just day to day just sharing and having a shared joke/experience etc.

I do appreciate everyone is different and that some people are really happy in their own company all the time etc - but find it difficult to believe so many do and do think wfh can be negative for the very young and their MH and benefits those with young families or the very introverted. Many are missing out if this life now.

You seem to have lots of interests and are quite outgoing - I would politely avoid the ones on discord (what even is that? 😂) and instead explore other avenues to spending time with like minded people.

all the best OP

I'm not saying this thread isn't anything but truth from the op's perspective, but I am growing tired of the anti-WFH propaganda I'm seeing all over the place, in multiple papers, on a regular basis.

Working from home is a massive boon to people with disabilities, single parents (mums) and people with caring responsibilities. It doesn't suit everyone, obviously, but are we not adults, responsible for our own well-being? Working from home isn't some sort of shackle being unwillingly clamped around the necks of huge swathes of the workforce. In fact, "wfh" is turning into "hybrid" - which often means the expectation to be in an office 2 or 3 days a week.

Let's stop blaming things and take responsibility for our own well-being, eh? And if hybrid or wfh doesn't suit you, sort out the best solution for your situation.

I’m early 30s and can’t relate to this at all.

I WFH 2 days a week but even on those days I will pop out to get a coffee or to Sainsbury’s.

On office days, I go to the gym after work. And my weekends are completely packed - life admin, more gymming, socialising with DP (mostly) and with friends & family (sometimes).

I also use every single one of my annual leave days and bank holidays travelling (35 days in total).

I absolutely HATE being stuck at home - makes me feel like I’m wasting my life.

Could you change your job so it is less WFH?
I help with the graduates in our dept and we really encourage them to be in the office 3 days a week because we know it's so beneficial for them to be around people their own age and those who are more experienced. We also really encourage them to 'network' and develop their community. They seem to go out together quite a lot.

It's not normal though those with social anxiety may prefer staying at home. My dd must be a similar age to you op and she's out TOO much (for her liver!)

my eldest just graduated, has the same issues with a large part of his friends too.
He does like his time at home too, but finds it frustrating that a lot are happy to only socialise on discord. he tries to arrange things and they also never happen eg people not wanting to, or people dropping out last minute.

He's Has just joined a new D&D group who actual meet in person and arrange nights out together!

His new job is hybrid and he much prefers going into the office, says he gets more work done as more in the 'zone' and they've already had a couple of 'let's head to the pub after'

I do think it is a thing, not across the board but maybe in certain industries.

if you're in a big city, maybe try finding another D&D group, and possibly look around for a hybrid job too (easier said then done)

Have a look at apps like meet up, there are lots of table top games groups round near me, that meet in various pubs. But you may see some other hobby on the there that takes your fancy.
I think my ds has also made friends through app a bit like dating but not?

I work in an industry that didn’t shut down during the pandemic. So we were all and work and never got used to staying home. We all love to socialise. There at least one work social occasion a month and I meet regularly with other friends.

ive never been the sort to stay in. I think I’d drive myself and everyone around me mad!

That's not normal....I'm 28 with friends about age 25 to 38z

I also began WFH in the pandemic. Now I only go to the office once a week.

But I go out with friends for dinner, drinks etc at least once a week. I go out with my partner most weekends. I go to Pilates, the library, the gym, free events.

I cook dinner almost every night. I get a coffee from a coffee shop maybe once a week and takeaway every 1-2 weeks.

Yes I think it's your sector. All of my friends, family and colleagues (media, healthcare, arts, business, finance) are travelling, go to gigs, the cinema, for walks, once's driving across Europe!

Normal defined by who? Some people like peace and quiet and their own company, some people like socialising and being in crowded places. What the pandemic showed us peace loving folk is that its OK to live the life you want. Find the people who want to do want you want to do and let those happy to stay home enjoy the peace

No, it's not normal. I think lockdown has given a lot of people agoraphobia, whereas they would maybe just have been a bit introverted before. It's sad to see a lot of young people practically begging for another lockdown so they don't need to deal with their lives.

This. I noticed a huge rise during and after lockdown in a kind paranoia around socialising and what I call "militant introvertism": people going out of their way to avoid any kind of social situations, thinking that any kind of expectation of attendance in a work environment is unreasonable, getting angry at being invited to things, being angry at being talked to by strangers at bus stops etc.

I lost count of the number of posts I saw at around that time from people saying they really resented being expected to spend any time with anyone other than their "little families" etc.

It's profoundly unhealthy in my view. I understand some people have anxiety and many people want to limit the amount of social contact they had but we seem to have bred a whole generation of people who resent being asked to have any non-essential contact.

The reality is some degree of social contact some of the time is more or less essential to life. It's perfectly reasonable to want to sequence this so its not too much but not reasonable to expect to go through life avoiding everyone apart from your nuclear family.

I agree @Thepeopleversuswork , there are some people like this.

They do tend to be disproportionately represented on MN, and I don't agree with the OP that "people" are. That is too much of a generalisation.

I think there is an issue that, for the minority of people who are naturally like this, then there is an issue that they can now go for weeks without needing to step outside their homes, and that does worry me. Everyone used to HAVE TO - as you say - go in to their work, and HAD TO speak to various people in passing (buying train or bus ticket, picking things up in shops, etc) but now they can bypass all of that and I don't think that helps anyone.
We all need to go slightly outside our comfort zones at some point or lose the ability to do so. Then how will they manage with things like medical appointments.

How depressing! Like other posters I did lots of work socialising in my 20s and 30s, and still have some friends from that time.

Now I'm in my 40s I drink less but still go out a lot - e.g. this week I have work drinks one evening, then theatre with a friend, a concert with another friend and a day trip with a third friend at the weekend. Most young people at my work seem pretty sociable so agree it's about finding the right types. Try joining a choir, or an under 30s hiking group?

I agree with you. It is scary. I think it’s technology. Our brains are getting the social fix that we think we need by chatting on online forums and being in social media.

Why go out into the cold when you can rant about your life anonymously and update the one event from the week to everyone all at once through your social platforms?

Then Covid has shown us that you really can live your life at home - work, shop, eat.

It is kind of scary. I have a daughter and like someone else said the school run and weekend activities keeps us out. I also run a few in real life social clubs twice a month and that is where I have noticed that we are all craving human connection deep down and are struggling to find it.

My cousin went through an episode where she was at home - she would help me with the school run. Years later she admitted that the school run was the highlight of her day as she felt that she fell into a weird depression and stayed in all the time. She was working part time at the time.

If card games and board games are your thing, have a look if there is a Geek Retreat cafe near to you, they are a franchise dotted around the country, and my local one was a godsend for me gently nudging my 15 Yr old back into society via the medium of Pokemon when he was struggling after lockdown.

From what I've seen, there are plenty of young adults (and full blown adults) spending a few happy hours there regularly whenever we go