To have a 4th attempt at breastfeeding?

[MrsPepperpotspickles]

WIBU of me to have a 4th baby because I want a fourth go at breastfeeding?
DC1 - first time mum, didnt know what I was doing in regards to bf and was born during covid lockdowns so no support, gave up quickly and regretted it.
DC2 - baby born with health issues, milk allergy, tongue tie. I expressed milk for him for a short time but couldn’t commit to the pumping schedule long term.
DC3 - shoddy latch, tried all the tips and tricks to no avail. Bleeding nipples, baby throwing up blood after feeds, tried nipple shields but baby couldn’t work those out either. Was advised by health visitor to swap to FF for my own mental health 1 week in.

I love being a mum and I love my kids. I really want to do this but more so I can prove I can do it to myself at this point, but is it silly to try again for a 4th time? If we do have a fourth it will definitely be our last and my final chance to get it right.

The other thing to read about is biological nurturing. It looks odd but it helps to think about some of the ideas - it’s a short book.

https://www.biologicalnurturing.com/

I understand how you feel. I’ve had 2 very medicalised deliveries with lots of intervention, I was determined my second would be as natural an experience as possible but some issues arose and I had to change my plans accordingly. I never got the pool birth that was supposed to be healing experience after my second. I briefly wondered whether a third would right this, but I’m not going ahead with it - firstly because I don’t actually want one. I just want the opportunity to do it ‘right’. But what if it doesn’t happen again? What if I have concerning scan results, and have to be induced again? I’ll kick myself. So I’m stopping now; making my peace with my labours is a much better solution than a third baby.

I also concentrate on what HAS gone well for me. I have 2 beautiful healthy children, not damaged from their births, my healing was relatively swift and I was lucky enough to conceive quickly. We can’t have everything can we?

After my first that should say

If you couldn't handle the pumping schedule or bleeding nipples or poor latch, then there is a high chance that you won't breastfeed the next

It was this that was extremely mean spirited. ‘Couldn’t handle it.’ I can’t get DD to latch on; she just cries and refuses the breast. So I couldn’t handle it? So much of the time people assume breastfeeding ‘failures’ are about the mother deciding she can’t continue: twice for me it’s been my babies, not me! And as for not handling a pumping schedule - ha. I’m expressing milk as I type this. It’s utterly gruelling and I sometimes don’t manage to keep up with it because my children need me:

There is a way to phrase things and ‘couldn’t handle m is deliberately unkind and provocative.

That doesn’t mean the OP is reasonable but none of us tend to be at our most reasonable a few weeks after having a baby!

The reason I said that is because I pumped for months before my kid finally latched on. I could handle that because I don't have other children. There is no way that I could have handled trying to get baby to latch, feed and then pump for next feed while also having other kids to take care of. It cost me 90 minutes out of every 3 hours at the time. That bit wasn't meant to be mean, but to be realistic. She has less time with each child. Do you really think it is reasonable or realistic for her to breastfeed baby nr 4 when she has no previous positive experience and child 1,2 and 3 need attention, diaper changes and food? I don't think so. Maybe when the other kids are older and she has more time for it.

Yes I know that thanks. I have two children. The choice of wording was unfortunate at best. Couldn’t handle implied lack of committing or real desire to do it.

Well, that's how far my command of the English language goes. I'm happy to be more subtle in Dutch if you like to have the conversation in my own language.

That’s very true. I do feel very grateful thst I’ve had no problems fertility wise, healthy pregnancies, fairly straightforward labours and thankfully no birth trauma and of course now have 3 wonderful healthy children. Whilst I would have loved to breastfeed longer, I know I’m very lucky and extremely privaledged to have access to infant formula which kept my babies alive and growing.

"WIBU of me to have a 4th baby because I want a fourth go at breastfeeding?"

"I really want to do this but more so I can prove I can do it to myself at this point"

Sorry this is ridiculous.

To have another child just so you can prove to yourself that you can breastfeed? Really?

It's really not that important, to bring a whole person into the world so you can fulfill your dream of breastfeeding is really arrogant and quite frankly weird.

Please don't have another baby to 'prove' you can breastfeed.

Three children are challenging enough as they grow up (mum of 3 breastfed children!)

Not a valid reason to have another baby. You already have 3 young children who need your focus. I can see why PPs on here are thinking "wtf" because your post literally sounds like you want a baby JUST to breastfeed. Never mind the face that it's a little human you'll be bringing up.
Wanting a 4th because you really want another with ages so close is fine, but not just for breastfeeding which may not be true but it is exactly what your OP implies.

Also, what if you did have another and couldn't BF this time for whatever reason? Would you consider a 5th to try again?

Maybe because your children are young, you still don't understand how expensive they're going to be. Four children is a huge financial commitment to make. Clothes, clubs, phones, gifts - everything times four as they grow up. I would only advise four children if you and your husband are in very well paid professional jobs or you are independently wealthy with an inheritance or something. I'm sorry but I think you would be mad otherwise. I have friends with four who are trying to keep their heads above water and are going under.

That's apart from the whole breastfeeding thing which is nuts.

3 in 3 years, crazy!!

Unnecessarily rude.