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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny not doing her job

38 replies

grananny · 24/08/2023 22:23

Hi, just wondering if it's me being unreasonable or if my new nanny is just not up to the job..

I understand it's difficult when your boss works from home. But to be fair, there are plenty of other jobs, where you work with your boss in your vicinity.

I just find this new nanny is not very proactive / helpful.

She's been with us a month and in that time, almost every day ( at least 3 times a week ). When I come out of my office for lunch or a cup of tea and encounter my DD, she smells of poo. The nanny always says she can't smell it....

Another thing is that every time I mention it, I'm not comfortable to tell the nanny to change her nappy, so I end up doing it. She never says ' oh don't worry I'll do it'.

I feel like I'm often serving my nanny and making her cups of tea, whilst she never really offers anything in return. We often have lunch together and I always end up serving everyone and also taking all the plates away. She never takes my plate, I always take hers and wash it up. I just find it a bit rude. I don't expect her to serve me, but I would expect her to help clear up my plate too sometimes.

I feel like she sits back a lot and just doesn't offer to be helpful much and actually creates more work for me sometimes. I offered her a coffee today and she said ' oh can I have a hot chocolate ? Do you have any ? ' ... I didn't know where it was and that's not what I was offering. I said ' oh I'm not sure if I have any ', I'll have a look. Rather than saying ' don't worry, I'll look or ' don't worry ' she went ' oh yes please '.. I just found it annoying and I was busy anyway and didn't really have time to look at making her a hot chocolate.

She's ok with my two DDs but does spend an awful lot of time indoors with them and I have to ask her every single day to take them outside. If I don't ask her to take them out, she keeps them indoors all day. Even though I have a perfectly child friendly garden and did specify in the interview that play time outside needs to happen. She takes them out for 30 minutes to an hour maximum, even though my kids love to be outside.

I'm trying to give her a chance but Im not pleased.

OP posts:
Waterlillyflower · 24/08/2023 22:36

Find someone else more compatible.

Longleggedgiraffe · 24/08/2023 22:41

Stop doing everything you say you are doing. All that does is give her permission to carry on as she has been doing. Find someone else. She's obviously not up to weight and seems to be more of an un knowledgeable au pair than a Nanny.

thistimelastweek · 24/08/2023 22:45

The unchanged nappy would be enough for me.

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 24/08/2023 22:47

Just tell her it's not working out. You need to find someone else sharpish or you'll be doing more than just having to clear her plate.

karmakameleon · 24/08/2023 22:47

Start looking for someone else. This won’t get better.

VIPNanny · 24/08/2023 22:49

She clearly isn’t suited for you OP, and she also doesn’t seem very competent so I would find someone that matches more with you as it’s clear now that you are already starting to resent her which won’t get better and will only get worse.

NuffSaidSam · 24/08/2023 22:50

The unchanged nappy and lack of outside time means she needs to go.

The lunchtime and tea/coffee nonsense means you need to change the way you work before you get another Nanny. WFH and staying out of the way is one thing. Having lunch with the nanny and popping in and out all day for tea etc. is not going to help anyone. Stop doing that. Get a better nanny and then let her do her job.

Sparklesocks · 24/08/2023 22:51

I think you need to look elsewhere OP. She’s looking after your kids, it’s very important - and worrying if she either can’t smell the poo (or chooses to ignore it) because your DD could in theory be sitting in it for ages.

Cherrysoup · 24/08/2023 22:53

Sit her down and tell her (don’t ask) that she needs to check nappies regularly and that she can get/bring her own lunch (is she live in) and make her own drinks. I think having lunch with her is blurring the lines between employer/employee.

You need to tell her outdoor time is non-negotiable, minimum of however long you want daily. You’re employing her, she’s not a mate.

NuffSaidSam · 24/08/2023 22:59

Cherrysoup · 24/08/2023 22:53

Sit her down and tell her (don’t ask) that she needs to check nappies regularly and that she can get/bring her own lunch (is she live in) and make her own drinks. I think having lunch with her is blurring the lines between employer/employee.

You need to tell her outdoor time is non-negotiable, minimum of however long you want daily. You’re employing her, she’s not a mate.

Don't do this. If she doesn't already know to check the baby's nappy she cannot be employed as a nanny....unless she's 15 and you've taken her on as an apprentice! Anyone with any basic childcare knowledge already knows this.

mikado1 · 24/08/2023 23:13

Wow. I did more as a 17yo and was paid literal pennies for it. The mum worked from home and I was allowed a rice cake for a snack, no radio (!) and no TV. Definitely get rid. Pity it's not 1996 and you could have had me for 5 pounds, in coins, a morning!

BHRK · 24/08/2023 23:17

She sounds lazy and awful. Get rid of her. The nappy and the lack of outside time would do it for me. It’s warm and sunny, I’d expect her to be out with the kids for several hours a day, making picnics, asking if you fancy a coffee.

NicLondon1 · 24/08/2023 23:19

She sounds terrible. I would start meeting new people at the weekend, and then let her go with whatever paid notice you feel comfortable with (1 week?).
It is a tricky conversation but something along the lines off “I’m sorry, I don’t feel like this arrangement is working well because….”
No point wasting any more time.

sjpkgp1 · 24/08/2023 23:23

I'm all up for giving a young person a chance, but actually, no, in this instance. Maybe the lunch thing and hot chocolate, is blurred lines, but her not smelling a dirty nappy and not taking the children out sounds like bad news. You probably do need to work on your boundaries for the new one, less accommodating, less on hand, more of an employer, not a friend. I completely get why you would want to change your DD, and you cannot have a stand off while this doesn't happen. But this is happening under your nose, what will be the care if you are not there ? If you do not trust your nanny to do the basics, then you will never feel completely comfortable with your DC in their care. It is a difficult conversation, and maybe you need to line up your ducks, but do it.

Canisaysomething · 24/08/2023 23:33

Find someone else.

determinedtomakethiswork · 25/08/2023 00:26

She is lazy and entitled. I wouldn't be surprised if she is just on her phone all the time. I would get rid of her for the nappy situation alone.

momonpurpose · 25/08/2023 01:22

thistimelastweek · 24/08/2023 22:45

The unchanged nappy would be enough for me.

Yes I agree. I'd let her go it's just not working out

mishmased · 25/08/2023 01:28

Maybe she has no sense of smell. A friend is similar and I once asked why her apartment smelt Pf weed. She couldn't smell it and turns out her son has been smoking it.

GoingGoingUp · 25/08/2023 01:36

The points about not making you a cup of tea, not clearing your plate, etc, whilst poor manners, isn’t part of her job (although she should tidy up after herself).

What’s important and matters is how she takes care of your child, and it does sound like she isn’t attentive and active enough.

I also agree with PP that you can’t blur the lines between wfh and being around the nanny and children. When I wfh, I stay out of the way completely - it means DS won’t be distracted by my presence so I can focus on work, and it gives them the freedom to do what they want without my interference.

BodegaSushi · 25/08/2023 01:39

How much experience does she have and where did you find her?

Some nannies automatically default to the parent when they're around for fear of feeling like they're over-stepping or undermining. Stop being around so much.

Honitonhorses875 · 25/08/2023 01:42

How old is she? She sounds very young.

How many jobs has she had before she came to work for you?

Have you given her a proper job description and told her straight what needs to happen?

I’d give her a month’s review. Talk to her seriously. The dc need to go out minimum two and a half hours daily. The youngest’s happy needs changing immediately.

At best she may be feeling inhibited and she can’t make the job her own because you are there. At worse she is lazy and entitled. But as a pp says, most of all she sounds more like a clueless au pair rather than a professional nanny.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 25/08/2023 01:44

It’s possible she is getting used to you and feels a bit awkward with you there. I would try interacting less when you are in the kitchen and set a schedule for her checking DDs nappy and make sure she knows what is expected of her. If you don’t see change in a week then look for someone else.

JMSA · 25/08/2023 01:46

She doesn't sound great. I wouldn't blame you at all for looking elsewhere.

truthhurts23 · 25/08/2023 01:49

and your paying her because?? get rid of her

Murdoch1949 · 25/08/2023 02:53

With your next nanny, agree ground rules for what you expect on a daily basis. This nanny has shown you that you cannot expect anything! A daily activity list, including indoor and outdoor activities for example, until you can trust the nanny. All this should be discussed at the interview, asking candidates how they would organise the day. You're paying her, so don't prepare her lunch or drinks, sort yourself out then return to your study.

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