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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nanny not doing her job

38 replies

grananny · 24/08/2023 22:23

Hi, just wondering if it's me being unreasonable or if my new nanny is just not up to the job..

I understand it's difficult when your boss works from home. But to be fair, there are plenty of other jobs, where you work with your boss in your vicinity.

I just find this new nanny is not very proactive / helpful.

She's been with us a month and in that time, almost every day ( at least 3 times a week ). When I come out of my office for lunch or a cup of tea and encounter my DD, she smells of poo. The nanny always says she can't smell it....

Another thing is that every time I mention it, I'm not comfortable to tell the nanny to change her nappy, so I end up doing it. She never says ' oh don't worry I'll do it'.

I feel like I'm often serving my nanny and making her cups of tea, whilst she never really offers anything in return. We often have lunch together and I always end up serving everyone and also taking all the plates away. She never takes my plate, I always take hers and wash it up. I just find it a bit rude. I don't expect her to serve me, but I would expect her to help clear up my plate too sometimes.

I feel like she sits back a lot and just doesn't offer to be helpful much and actually creates more work for me sometimes. I offered her a coffee today and she said ' oh can I have a hot chocolate ? Do you have any ? ' ... I didn't know where it was and that's not what I was offering. I said ' oh I'm not sure if I have any ', I'll have a look. Rather than saying ' don't worry, I'll look or ' don't worry ' she went ' oh yes please '.. I just found it annoying and I was busy anyway and didn't really have time to look at making her a hot chocolate.

She's ok with my two DDs but does spend an awful lot of time indoors with them and I have to ask her every single day to take them outside. If I don't ask her to take them out, she keeps them indoors all day. Even though I have a perfectly child friendly garden and did specify in the interview that play time outside needs to happen. She takes them out for 30 minutes to an hour maximum, even though my kids love to be outside.

I'm trying to give her a chance but Im not pleased.

OP posts:

billy1966 · 25/08/2023 03:41

The unchanged nappies would be enough for many.

She is lazy and negligent.

You have poor boundaries though and that is not helping.

The second time the baby was unchanged should have been a what is going on here? Instead you changed it again?

Get rid of her asap.

Do not waste any time fixing her, she's plain lazy and incompetent.

Stopsnowing · 25/08/2023 03:57

No point in telling her what needs doing. She isn’t doing basic stuff. Get rid.

elifont · 25/08/2023 04:08

Must be extremely hard to find someone to look after your child, but you would have to agree costs of them taking them out places first otherwise might cause issues, even to their routine etc , all needs to be agreed with the parent x

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 25/08/2023 04:25

The unchanged dirty nappies are enough to let her go.

Dontjudgeme101 · 25/08/2023 05:38

Is this person qualified?

LynetteScavo · 25/08/2023 05:47

You either sit her down now, after a month and tell her she isn't doing her job properly, and needs to regularly check nappies, take the children outside ext (and closely manage her with timetables and lists) or you let her go now, without this dragging on. It sounds like she could be an 18yo in her first job? If that's the case, and if you like her, then there might be some hope with option one. If she's 25 and highly paid, don't hesitate to call it a day, as there won't be much improvement even if you closely manage her.

TookTheBook · 25/08/2023 05:58

Dontjudgeme101 · 25/08/2023 05:38

Is this person qualified?

Yes I wonder this - how did you find her OP? Maybe use an agency next time so you have more recourse?

jeaux90 · 25/08/2023 05:58

I had a live in nanny for 10 years.

Sit her down and go over some rules.

If things don't change find one that works better for you.

You are her employer.

Original poster

grananny · 25/08/2023 07:34

Thanks to everyone's input. I'm not sure there is any point in continuing. The nappy thing was ok, once or twice, I may have found DD just after she'd done it and the nanny hadn't had time. But seeing as it continues to happen, it makes me doubt think something isn't right there.

I didn't want to micro manage her because she does have experience. But only taking them out for an hour maximum just isn't enough. Like I said, if I don't remind her, she won't take them out at all.

Another thing I didn't love is that my kids got hurt on her watch a few times and whilst of course that happens sometimes, she didn't seem very phased by it or say sorry and she's also been a few minutes late and didn't apologise for that.

I don't expect a huge apology for either, but just a quick ' sorry I was watching Anabel and didn't get to Caroline in time and she bumped her head '. Or just ' sorry I'm late '.

OP posts:

Dolores87 · 25/08/2023 08:41

I used to Nanny. The unchanged nappy and not taking them out off her own back isn't ok.

The rest of the stuff like not having you a drink or asking you for a hot chocolate or not clearing your plate I think you are being unreasonable about. She's your nanny not your house maid and I don't see how she did anything wrong asking for a hot chocolate.

Also she's probably defaulting to you because you are around and it's awkward. I found I often defaulted to parents during lockdown as some Mums get really funny if you take charge to do something when you are around. It's an awkward arrangement. I was much happier when I worked for people who weren't there in the day and I could get into the swing of things myself.

Original poster

grananny · 25/08/2023 09:11

Dolores87 · 25/08/2023 08:41

I used to Nanny. The unchanged nappy and not taking them out off her own back isn't ok.

No. I think she's just entitled and taking advantage of the situation. I've been really giving towards her and she's taking advantage of that. She'll get another family who'll actually expect stuff from her and she'll then understand that she's been having a really easy ride with me. There are no excuses for what she's doing.

OP posts:

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 25/08/2023 14:08

grananny · 25/08/2023 09:11

Show quote history

I agree that the nappies and the playing out are out of order.

Don't really agree she should be clearing your plate. You could have easily cleared yours and gone about your day. You could easily make yourself a hot drink and not offered. You've made a rod for tour own back there.

You surely got references for her and did the relevant checks.

I just don't think it's a good fit.

JugglingJanuary · 25/08/2023 16:12

ok, so if you're not going to take on board what people are saying, what's the point in your AIBU?

you just want smoke blown by other parents in the 'what's this nanny like hey' fashion.

yes, she should be taking them
out without you mentioning it & the baby should have her nappy changed as soon as she's done a poo. If the nanny can't smell it, she should be checking frequently, but you don't know that she wasn't 'between checks'

having a parent around is really awkward, you can't do right for doing wrong! If you take the baby to change them you're overstepping because the mum wants to do it, if you don't you're slacking.

as for all the faff about 'serving' & hot drinks, just get over yourself. She's not your house maid. Your choice to offer her a hot drink when you have one, she's not obliged to like what you like for your convenience - most people have hot chocolate powder, it's no more trouble than a coffee (less if you have a proper coffee machine!).

As for your comment

She'll get another family who'll actually expect stuff from her and she'll then understand that she's been having a really easy ride with me. There are no excuses for what she's doing

she's had other jobs, she knows how you compare to the other parents.....

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