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To think people with money would never understand

528 replies

Canfeelamozzieflyingaround · 24/08/2023 21:29

I live in an affluent area, we have a nice, but average house, I’m from a middle class background (I think!) but one parent from a working class background, all very down to earth.
I have a good job, degree educated, but it’s not a well paying job. In the holidays I supplement by doing some childcare/babysitting. I often babysit for wealthy people. Just being in their homes and everything about the way they are and the things they have is so different.
They would have no idea, for example that we live basically month to month and these little nights working for them pay some small bills or afford a small treat for my dc…to them it would be nothing.
Even the things they fill their fridges with and the sun creams and toiletries used (not snooping! Some on tbe coffee table, on the toilet etc)
I don’t know..I always feel less of an adult when I leave and wonder why my life didn’t go like this and theirs did

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 26/08/2023 02:27

@Bacon88 He has a 1st class from Warwick in maths.... The problem is I live in a poor area of Cheshire and all the teachers come from stoke. Liverpool and Manchester to teach here as it is nicer than inner city and they have experience so any jobs rarely go to a NQT. My brother got zero jobs in Cheshire. He had a few in Wales but that's hard because they are welsh speakers and he isn't. Stoke was where most the jobs were but they had issues with funding and made like music and drama teachers teach maths to fill the vacancies and cut cost. Unfortunately lots of people on here struggle with less densly populate industrial English town life. They are in populated, upmarket areas and mainly in the south

I’m confused. Is it that your brother can’t get a job where you live, but could get one elsewhere in the UK (in which case they could simply move), or can’t get one anywhere in UK? I’m not being goady, just trying to understand as I don’t live in UK and here, we have grave shortage of properly qualified maths teachers to the point they are walking into jobs in public schools and are getting paid big sign on bonuses at private schools.

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 02:36

@HoppingPavlova

He applied within about 65 miles of our home which is a lot for the uk. He was told like you that we need maths teaches so trained as one then couldn't get a job. UK teaching is like a cult. Its heavily dominated by middle age women and they tend to go for diversity box ticking. There is also a lot of nepotism and even the material provide to help with CV is all about how mummy was a teacher etc. Also to get on the course he had to do 10 days work experience in a school. It took him a year to find a school that would allow him to work there for 10 days because we had no contacts. Should of known then really.

He didn't want to move as he was promised there would be work. Just not for him. It's the same in the nhs and in councils. I have applied to 3 different councils and several schools. I did a temp job in finance for a private school. I only got that because it was covid and as I was 26 I had a lowest risk factor in the temp agency.

HoppingPavlova · 26/08/2023 03:05

Okay, then he’ll simply have to move as there will be a job somewhere. Surely? What about lower or mid-tier privates? They would be fixated on results, as parents want bang for buck, and would prefer a qualified maths teacher than a music teacher teaching their maths classes I would think? After getting experience for a few years he could then bounce from a low tier private to a mid tier private and then onwards from there. This will involve moving over 65 miles from home, but so what? I moved countries, to the UK in fact, when I was young as there were more numerous and better training opportunities there at the time. Allowed me to eventually come back ‘home’ (as in nowhere near home but my own country), to a much better position than I would have achieved if I had stayed here, and I could progress from there. Also, same here in that any decent training opportunities would have gone to children (actually son’s to be specific) of families in the profession. It’s about identifying opportunities and going to get them, not about staying 65 miles from your parents house and moaning about nepotism.

middler · 26/08/2023 04:13

When i met my husband 16 years ago I earned more than him as a teacher in outer London- 45K ish and he was in a corporate job earning 30k so I don't think everyone is earning mega bucks in the private industry.

I always pay people promptly and try to pay cash for things like blue collar work which runs at 400 pounds a day where we live because I know that it will help the tradesperson for us to do that. Even though our combined income is above average we live modestly as we try to save as much as we can to have the freedom to give up work sooner if we wish to. So the luxury homes, some of it is from credit cards and I am not impressed by people spending 800 on their food shop, I just think they are feckless frankly so no envy from me. We could live in a far more luxurious manner if we burned through all our income but that would be feckless because the rainy days will certainly come.

I am still a teacher but in a part of the world by luck, that pays teachers pretty well and I make 80k ish but a modest home costs a million pounds so that 80k does not go far without my husband's higher income. I do not judge anyone who earns less ever. Life used to be 'fairer' in that homes were not so ridiculously expensive.

Combusting · 26/08/2023 04:33

crispyeyebrows · 25/08/2023 21:45

I have no parents and under 40, so I am doing what you do, I'm in awe and envy of having a parent to ask for help. Sorry not a race to the bottom but this could go on ad infinitum.

You have misunderstood. She’s not referring to her own parent. She’s referring to a parent for whom she babysits - so a random third party client of hers.

Xenia · 26/08/2023 08:56

The brother with the relatively recent first in maths from Warwick should may be try a different career. My sons (we live in outer London) have friends with similar and they tended to go into things like financial services in London, management consultants, accountants (although the latter is a lot of years of exams but at least you are paid whilst working).
On jobs before 2008 , yes there was a bit of a boom but mid 90s was dreadful as we had a huge property crash etc and when I graduated (1982) we had the worst unemployment for FIFTY years that year (3m) and it was very very hard to get jobs before the mid 80s boom then got going later.

Alexandra2001 · 26/08/2023 09:41

@Bacon88
28k in the north where I live is a good salary . FYI my mother in law is a nurse and she earns a lot more than 28k as a band 5. They do not std hours do they??? They get lucrative shift premium and bank shifts...

You sound very bitter.

Plymouth is not a well off area, below national average, with areas of the city among the most deprived in the UK, got its wealthier areas too, much like Cheshire.

Top of B5 is 32k, so not really sure why your MIL is still a B5 but earns so much more than most..... as for lucrative shift premium...FFS! its 30% and for bank hols, 60% of basic pay, not even double time for a BH.

If she is doing bank plus her normal hours and/or shifts, she is working very long hours... Do you not get the chance to work overtime ? Could you take on a 2nd job or private work like your MIL is doing?

You really do sound like you ve missed your calling and i'd suggest you re train and try and earn all this money sloshing around in Nursing and Healthcare.....

Cosyblankets · 26/08/2023 09:49

Bacon88 · 25/08/2023 18:13

@Alexandra2001

28k in the north where I live is a good salary . FYI my mother in law is a nurse and she earns a lot more than 28k as a band 5. They do not std hours do they??? They get lucrative shift premium and bank shifts...

I knew the get the job then was coming. CLASSIC. Well in 2012 I applied to 6 unis to be a midwife. I had AAB at A level and 2A* 5A 4B and 1C at GCSE. I did not get a single offer. I ended up doing a £2.30 an hr apprenticeship in finance. So you are way out of touch. In the north public sector jobs are sort after as they pay far better than anything else. All jobs here go on nepotism!!

My brother had a 1st class degree and is a qualified maths teacher. He couldn't get a job within 65 miles of our home. He did a temp job in a school and a perm came up a new girl showed up and got the job over him. Turns out her mother was the former deputy head. Nepotism not talent in the north.

Without my job there would be no money to pay public sector workers. We can't all work for the state.

Fyi accountants have one of the highest rates of suicide in the country.

Get in the real world...

I live in the North West. Quite a few maths teacher jobs. My friend is a maths teacher and she's never been short of work. A first class degree doesn't necessarily make someone a decent teacher. I'm not saying this is the case with your brother. I worked in a tough school in a poor area. They always looked at the person as a whole rather than just the degree classification etc.

Ireolu · 26/08/2023 10:14

Timeturnerplease · 25/08/2023 22:19

I often think this too. Most of the parents of children I teach are of a similar education level to me, but they are so much more comfortable financially. I look across the table at parents evening and wonder if that could have been me, if I’d made different choices in life.

But that’s the thing isn’t it. We chose a profession that isn’t well paid for the hours, or well regarded by others. Made our own beds and all that!

How are you certain that the parents are more financially well off? Do you work in a state school or a private school. I don't judge a book by its cover. You never know.

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 10:18

@Cosyblankets

What year did they train as the world is a very different place in the last 6 years??

Also what does mummy and daddy do for a living??

Was she middle class or on free school meals like we were??

I am sorry but that was our experience and I fed up of people say it doesnt happen. It litterally does. Go on the internet and look up all the complaints from those who did the be a maths teacher and didnt get a job.

Can you explain why he did a school direct and there was no job at the end even though they guarantee a job to everyone who passed the course??. Like 30 people they not all getting jobs in schools are they. The govement and the profession are full of liars!!

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 10:23

@Alexandra2001

Haha way out of touch. 30% shift premiums!!! Hahaha. Lol my husband gets 15%....

He also only gets 28 days holiday. A 4% employee pension. 1 instance of sick a year and only 5 days paid. Women get 5 weeks mat leave and then sat!!

OUT OF TOUCH

Fyi public sector jobs the average salaries are posted online for each banding. I can easily see you are a liar. Maybe your daughter has been out the country too long....

Not bitter. Just live in the real world and telling you why those in the private sector have no respect for public sector workers anymore. You litterally are detached from the reality everyone else faces.

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 10:34

@Xenia

Again you lot in the south are way out of touch... I AM a Chartered Accountant and the amount of work round here and how it pays is really not great especially for the post 2008 crash generation. It never really recovered in northern towns... Teachers are far better off in the north than most private sector professionals...

@Alexandra2001 Although they protest all the time complaining, the jobs market is ridiculous unstable for the private sector (you all live in the south) I have had 14 jobs in finance since 2012. The company has gone bust 3 times or they tried to sell it off so they force it into administration to find a buyer... Some were temp jobs as what else was there. Others they make you work 60 hrs a week with no over time as salaried staff doesn't pay overtime. You also cannot work for more than 1 company as they do not like it.

What world of delusion do you people live in??

Notlongnow01 · 26/08/2023 10:36

I am surprised teaching is seen as such a low paid job. Not in op’s case if she is abroad but amongst many other comments, it seems teachers are struggling?

I am a retired teacher and taught in three big cities in the U.K. including London and never saw myself as ‘poorly paid’ compared to my peers. Single parent too so no partner to share the costs.

I did have to move out of London to buy a property as I would have rented forever if I had stayed but that is true for a lot of people I know especially as people got to their 30s and wanted to settle down and have children.

Maybe it’s the circles you mix in!

Notlongnow01 · 26/08/2023 10:38

Also I did teach in inner city schools where the parents did not generally earn more than the teachers.

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 10:44

@HoppingPavlova

Can you not see the issue in what you just said.?? The working class of the uk have had to compete with the likes of you from around the world that come here and work for cheap then go back home with all the money you make. Yet our own kids have no hope as the money here is buys you less then your own country??

You have taken a job from someone who was born here and lives in a poor part of the UK. Do not give me that "British people do not want to work shit". That's a lie the govement uses to hide the facts.

You have taken jobs over the years in areas there are not many because you work for less. It's the reasons my husbands job is so lower paid because of all the cheap eastern European labour. You do know companies are allowed to pay 30% less to a foreign worker they being over if they cannot fill the job in the uk??. So they deliberately do not take a UK worker.!!

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 10:49

Bare in mind this is about wealthy people not understanding what others go through. Wealth is relative!!

Lot of teachers, nurses and people from the south on here who think they are poor and not understanding what others in poorer parts of the UK go through.

This whole comments thread is a microcosm of what the op is saying its just you are all the middle class teacher like OP and think you are so poor...

HawnyThorn · 26/08/2023 10:53

They probably, like most people would, expected the money to go through instantly. And you didn't tell them otherwise.

That's it. No need for all the angst or assumptions that they don't understand or your martyrdom that you chose jobs to help people and society and not make money.

Then complaining about not making enough money.

Cosyblankets · 26/08/2023 10:54

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 10:18

@Cosyblankets

What year did they train as the world is a very different place in the last 6 years??

Also what does mummy and daddy do for a living??

Was she middle class or on free school meals like we were??

I am sorry but that was our experience and I fed up of people say it doesnt happen. It litterally does. Go on the internet and look up all the complaints from those who did the be a maths teacher and didnt get a job.

Can you explain why he did a school direct and there was no job at the end even though they guarantee a job to everyone who passed the course??. Like 30 people they not all getting jobs in schools are they. The govement and the profession are full of liars!!

Dad died when she was young. Don't think mum worked. Brought up on council estate. Still lives on same estate. No silver spoon. Just hard work. This particular friend trained years ago but other people who've trained in the last few years haven't struggled for work either.
The implication that so many people get jobs because of who they know comes across as really quite bitter. I'm not daft enough to say it doesn't happen, of course it does. I've seen it on occasions but it certainly isn't the majority.

Manthide · 26/08/2023 11:03

JusthereforXmas · 25/08/2023 14:00

Your middle class, in a nice house, in an affluent area but dont have ANY savings?

I'm 'lower' class, disabled and unemployed (been a carer for 30 years for a family member), previously homeless and live in a famed poverty stricken area and even I have basic savings too not live ass to mouth each month.

Its a basic skill to save. A skill many lack because of what YOU are moaning about (inability to understand theres a step down from what they're use to so can't adjust their spending). If I could do it with a house to look after and kids on an income of £12k a year anyone can... its not other people fault you haven't made any sacrifices to save a rainy day fund.

Totally agree that many people lack the skill to save. I work part time for an agency in a warehouse and we are on uc. This week I only got 2 days instead of 3 and woke up to a flooded kitchen and a burst pipe! Thankfully I have a rainy day fund and knew I had the money to pay a plumber!
I have a normal bank account and a Chase account. The latter makes it easy to make named savings accounts. I also have a Help to Save account which I am planning to give to my youngest when she goes to university.

Cosyblankets · 26/08/2023 11:07

@Bacon88 look at all your replies....
Out of touch
Deluded
Nepotism

Maybe other people aren't the problem. You seem to have experienced lots of problems in your line of work and also your husband's line of work. Sorry I can't remember what he does now.
You seem to have an answer for every problem and it's always other people. A quick Google of maths jobs in the North west area shows a number of jobs. It's August, almost September. If schools were as well staffed as they should be for the kids going back next week, there should be very few jobs available at the minute. The fact that they're not indicates that there is a shortage of teachers. There will be kids going back next week being taught by non specialists.

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 11:08

@Cosyblankets

Trained years ago is your answer. The world gas changed and your generation cannot accept it. We have much lower rates if social mobility now than in previous generations.

When you say recently??? Do you mean last 6 years as recently??? Or like 10 to 15 years ago. Make a difference.

To be honest when you break it down you get to the truth of the I live here and we do fine argument. One person left school in1988. I wasnt born until 1994!!! They are the better off had it easier generation.

Cosyblankets · 26/08/2023 11:12

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 11:08

@Cosyblankets

Trained years ago is your answer. The world gas changed and your generation cannot accept it. We have much lower rates if social mobility now than in previous generations.

When you say recently??? Do you mean last 6 years as recently??? Or like 10 to 15 years ago. Make a difference.

To be honest when you break it down you get to the truth of the I live here and we do fine argument. One person left school in1988. I wasnt born until 1994!!! They are the better off had it easier generation.

Trained 3 to 5 years ago. Friend's adult children. No problems getting a job. Maths and English. North West

Ownup123 · 26/08/2023 11:13

Canfeelamozzieflyingaround · 24/08/2023 21:29

I live in an affluent area, we have a nice, but average house, I’m from a middle class background (I think!) but one parent from a working class background, all very down to earth.
I have a good job, degree educated, but it’s not a well paying job. In the holidays I supplement by doing some childcare/babysitting. I often babysit for wealthy people. Just being in their homes and everything about the way they are and the things they have is so different.
They would have no idea, for example that we live basically month to month and these little nights working for them pay some small bills or afford a small treat for my dc…to them it would be nothing.
Even the things they fill their fridges with and the sun creams and toiletries used (not snooping! Some on tbe coffee table, on the toilet etc)
I don’t know..I always feel less of an adult when I leave and wonder why my life didn’t go like this and theirs did

IHRWT, but I thought to add my voice as I am one of those people who pay ALL invoices within 5 minutes. Yup, unless I can see a glaring error, I just pay. Sometimes I may ask for an explanation if a bit unclear and I have time to wait for a reply- I travel a lot- but others, I will pay a regular supplier and then deal with any query I might have afterwards as I believe in refunds too.

HOWEVER, and it is a big however- and this is why I am posting to really to tell all of you who do not pay within 2 to 24 hours that it is really rude, bad and not honourable or professional ( although I am aware some people don't care about not looking professional or honourable- wealthy or otherwise)- I live in Chelsea.

Right, I come from a wealthy family and I once worked in a country where everyone (99%) got paid at the end of the month. Therefore, at the end of the month, the high streets were always chocker block busy- heaving! I would always question why today the high streets ware packed, as I obviously didn't rely on month end to month end money. I just never got used to the sudden busyness.

I was very young when I moved to London. I was looking for accommodation as was staying with diplomats, but the lady who got me my first job ( and she was lovely) stated she had a room and if I wanted to move in- Of course I had no knowledge of renting rooms, but I wanted somewhere secure for my belongings for when I would travel abroad yearly. So, as I was young, sometimes I would pay her rent (not a huge amount as the room was small- really tiny but the arrangement was convenient to me), sometimes I would pay the day after rent was due, or 2 days after and possibly 3 days after ( basically, whenever I remembered- cash points were even 5 mins from the flat). I mostly paid on time. I don't believe she ever commented on this. However, one day, an older lady (not by much- maybe 6-7 years) I respect so much and eventually made me a Godmother to her twins (sons), visited me nearby - This lady had lived it all ( wealth- divorce- homelessness ( a bit) etc etc and picked herself up and restarted and bought her own house etc etc and she had tenants too). I must have said something like: "I need to pay rent but she can wait as it is money for nothing- I was never there as worked all hours and only boiled eggs or cooked vegetables)- Yes, I was young, naive and have only lived one life by then. This visiting lady just said: "Give other people, their money'. And there and then, I realise the caviller approach to paying rent, was unacceptable and I ceased the behaviour forthwith. I thank that lady who could tell me things honestly as she knows I am a good person and was just not thinking. It just never occurred to me, it was abhorrent behaviour, which really it was.

Also, whist training to become a solicitor in a large firm, we relied heavily on barristers ( who are self employed- I am now a barrister). So, the company made it a disciplinary matter if you fail to pay a supplier within 30 days of the invoice. Yup, that serious, after requests and reminders that invoices should not be shelved and people still continued doing it. The process is, if I instructed a barrister, it was my responsibility ( together with line manager), to check the invoice corresponds with the fee agreed and that the job has been done ( or it is continuing and this is invoice 1 of possible a few more to come)- as you can see, only the person with knowledge of the request for service and the delivery, can know (sometimes you get an invoice but on closer look, it has been paid and the reminder that you have, was sent automatically and possibly crossed with the money being reconciled at their end. You then sign and date anywhere on the invoice that it is checked and confirmed and it goes to the department that pays the invoices.

Luckily, by the time I was at the firm, I was already whipped into shape by the lady friend and I was now the one who didn't understand why pp had to be asked multiple times. I realise that people just have bad habits when it comes to settling invoices whether it is their money or an organisation's money. So it is a behavioural problem (coupled with entitlement- yes, I can speak) which I implore all you on this thread who don't pay as quickly as you can - treat it like your DR's appointment, will you?!- please change forthwith. I thank you.

You do not need to know your cleaner needs her money in that moment in order for you to pay it. She has given a service, you pay immediately. It is not even a favour you are doing, but complying with common decency.

Even tax, I once paid a huge chunk which i knew was not correct, but I paid first and they really just refunded me upon receiving my first letter requesting my money back and I made it clear in the letter i was aware of the error by them but decided to pay on time and deal with the refund.

To close off, I have recently been irked by a regular supplier who requested additional amount in error ( not much, but it is the principle) and when i queried, after I paid- I was travelling at the time I paid- they admitted the error but 'decided' they would put it on my 'separate' account and not refund me- for the year as it will be swallowed up. I was properly incensed as I don't believe they have the right to decide what to do with my money. So, I took 2 weeks to pay their next invoice as I also wanted to test their arrears policy ( as I believe they are not on top of it- and I am responsible for ensuring they do, in another capacity)- none chased me. However, they have just ruined my relationship with them as I believe by paying within 5 mins as I do, it helps with their cash flow ( not my problem) while they can still hold my excess money. So treat people how you want to be treated. Next one, I will take 3 weeks and finally push them to 4 weeks as they are getting some interest from the small amount they hold- they are a small company.

Anyway, treat people how you want to be treated. All my clients pay on time and I deliver their work, also on time.

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 11:18

@Cosyblankets

Are those jobs for NQTs or do they want experience. Advertise jobs doesnt mean they are real. I applied to jobs and they are agencies information fishing. Are you that in experience of job hunting you think they are all real jobs or they haven't got an internal candidate??

All jobs want experience but where do you start. Lot of you are older and have had it easier on your generation. Talk about the 90s and the dips etc. I wasnt born till 1994 and my brother even later so all your comments are irrelevant to the reality.

Fyi the north west is a big area. You cannot say like 3 jobs is a lot. He applied for like 15 and only got interviews for 3. One of the jobs the name of the candidate he was against was the same as the person interviewing so he asked and they stumbled on it. They tried to stop him leaving and said we need you so we can give it to them. They have to advertise and interview others before they can give it to a kid of teacher. So he was a pawn!!

You wont accept reality from someone who has lived here and through it. I get your points but its easy to say, there are loads of jobs. Well why are there loads of posts in the work section from unemployment people struggling to get hired??

Bacon88 · 26/08/2023 11:23

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