To think people with money would never understand

[Canfeelamozzieflyingaround]

I live in an affluent area, we have a nice, but average house, I’m from a middle class background (I think!) but one parent from a working class background, all very down to earth.
I have a good job, degree educated, but it’s not a well paying job. In the holidays I supplement by doing some childcare/babysitting. I often babysit for wealthy people. Just being in their homes and everything about the way they are and the things they have is so different.
They would have no idea, for example that we live basically month to month and these little nights working for them pay some small bills or afford a small treat for my dc…to them it would be nothing.
Even the things they fill their fridges with and the sun creams and toiletries used (not snooping! Some on tbe coffee table, on the toilet etc)
I don’t know..I always feel less of an adult when I leave and wonder why my life didn’t go like this and theirs did

I do know how you feel, I am also in a degree educated profession which used to be (and should still be) fulfilling as it is interesting and involves improving people’s lives. I’ve worked hard for 25yrs to gain promotion and am as high as I can get in my career without going entirely managerial in my role. The pay has in no way kept pace with inflation and this cost of living crisis has wrecked us financially, and have had to trim back any luxuries we once enjoyed, yet the work is no longer fulfilling as budgets are so stretched you can not make the difference you would like to. My oh has also worked extremely hard in a skilled job (not degree educated) and gained promotions etc too. I see people who did not achieve academically as much as me in high flying business careers making salaries I can’t even imagine and as I get older I can’t help but think I’ve failed my kids as can’t offer them the same opportunities as some of their friends as I made a career decision that benefits others rather than myself. Feel like a bit of a fool if I’m honest! That being said I live in a very mixed area where I do see a lot of people struggling way more than we are so do feel grateful that we have food and a home, and the odd holiday (even if only in the UK). Don’t have an answer, but I do hear you!

OP - you need to move back to the uk and do it soon. You sound like a bit of a boiled frog about where you live now - things have got worse and worse and you’ve not stopped to think this isn’t good enough for you.

yes you will probably be looking at £1.5kish a month to rent a nice 3 bed place in large parts of the north - but if you and your dh are bringing home £4.5-5k a month between you that’s affordable. Private schools in the UK pay more than state and some boarding schools will include accommodation. unless you are up to your eyeballs in debt or have insanely expensive tastes, that’s a comfortable lifestyle - albeit not one where you should be buying £14 cheese weekly. (I am agog at that post- and kind of what to try the cheese)

there is a teacher shortage in many parts of the uk so even at this stage of the year you might find a role for September for each of you and dh, or possibly for the January term start.

Wow, is it the quantity or quality of the shopping that pushes it to £800/week? A lot of alcohol? For how many people? I'm intrigued!

Also why would anyone struggling want anyone else to struggle for money? If it's that bad you wouldn't wish it on others. I'm glad I have plenty of money, I wouldn't want to be poor, who would? Such a weird thread.

@Bacon88 I don’t know factory workers wages here, but yes they might be lower than a teachers here, if a manger though, probably not.
If your husband came to live here as a factory worker, he wouldn’t be able to afford rent I would imagine or a house to buy on just that wage (without a huge deposit etc) Friends we know in these tries of jobs used to be able to rent cheap apartments years back, now they and their children live with their parents in their house, the situation is awful.
I didn’t want my post to be outing, but feel free ti check out everything I’m saying and then perhaps apologise.
Its Central Algarve in Portugal. A quick Google of wages, house prices to rent and buy plus food and petrol prices etc etc, will tell you all you need to know.
Whilst you’re there, Google the banking system with regard to bank transfers and you can then confirm all the lying I’m doing.

@Chewyspree at £14 for a block of butter, that better be made from the milk of the golden calf lol

*Type of jobs

If my DC told me they wanted to be nurses/teachers etc, I would be brutally honest and tell them 'great, if that's your vocation etc...but know that you won't be able to live the lifestyle to which you are accustomed'. I think it's important that young people understand reality.

I work in corporate finance - it's can be stressful and the hours can be very long occasionally. It's also often mind numbingly dull and very rarely fulfilling. But I live the lifestyle I want outside of work because of the money. Money also gives me options for the future. I've never laboured under the delusion that I could follow my interests/passion/vocation and also have the same standard of living. Not sure why some people do.

@Canfeelamozzieflyingaround

If it is that bad in Portugal then how are the rich people rich?? What jobs do they do each day and are there not other jobs you or your husband could do outside of your day job. Like bar staff or a shop if you are really struggling that much.

If you are struggling to sell your house. Make it a holiday let or reduce the price and move back to the UK however you will have to drop the everyone elses lives are better life attitude as its really not rosie here either.

I’ve been in your situation so sympathise entirely, my manager at a new job had me doing overtime from my second week in the role come pay day I cleared the accrued childcare bill only to be confronted on the Monday that I had been paid twice by mistake and they wanted it back I said it wasn’t a mistake surely as I had put in massive overtime it hadn’t been authorised so I had to give the money back leaving me with nothing for petrol food or utilities until next payday the worry made me so ill I was sent home from work twice and they terminated my employment leaving me with the overdraft to clear 😳

@Ventureintheslipstream

I am chartered accountant but in the north of England teachers, nurses and police all get paid better. So your statement about vocation and corp finance is incorrect. It depends on locations. Someone else who also lives in the UK and was also chartered said the same thing...

It about opportunity in the areas you live. Teachers and nurses (MIL) where i am are rolling in it compared to everyone else.

My statement wasn't about corporate finance and vocation. It was about choosing a career because it pays well/thinking about your career in the wider context of lifestyle.

@Bacon88 🙈😂 There is really no point replying to you anymore.

Exactly and their pension are gold-plated and inflation linked.

@Ventureintheslipstream
I think that you are correct in making your children aware of the "cost" of various choices.
It's not always a simple or straight forward conversation though, because choices are dependent on many factors.

I would presume that the majority of people don't see teaching for example as a money making career choice. However, as teachers are needed all around the country personally I might presume that in some areas of the country, teaching might give you a good lifestyle compared to those living in the area.
I know that London is really expensive, so I wouldn't have thought that a teacher's salary would go very far, but how would it compare to someone working in a shop in London or a restaurant etc. I would have presumed better, but I 'd have to research more to know by how much.

If I've understood correctly the OP and husband are both teachers. To hear that they can't buy a food shop when needed is a surprise to me. Are they forgoing money to stay in an expensive area? Presumably this area also needs teachers so....

@Canfeelamozzieflyingaround

What do you want from people on here??

Did you expect everyone to be like your so good, you chose a caring profession so well done you and the rich people are all horrible and don't deserve the money???

Loads of people have given you many views but you still carrying on with the life is tough and I am envious of rich people but not prepared to do anything about it. You going to end up very unhappy and bitter.

I'm with you @Bacon88 it's just another poster asking a question they don't want answered.

Ok, so I've just seen that the Op lives in Portugal.
As someone who also lives abroad I think that it's helpful to be open about this when first posting, because it's difficult to reply without all info.

@Ventureintheslipstream

My point was I do not think the OP career as a teacher is the problem. There are lower paid jobs than that about and if her kids are going hungry because the baby sitting job paid on Monday not Friday then what the heck are all the others living off in her area and where is her money going??? She owns a house so doesnt even rent.

She is saying rich people do not understand but from others perspective. She isn't poor and we are struggling to understand what she wanted from this thread. Like did she want to be praised for doing a "caring" job that doesn't "pay well"...

OP, sounds like you took a risk by moving abroad to have a better lifestyle in a tourist location. Unfortunately, that risk didn't pay off and you're somewhat stuck until you can move back. I'm not sure why this makes you resentful of others who made different choices? (Also, you mentioned that rich foreigners started buying there, which is outpricing locals - didn't you do exactly that when you moved over from the UK? "When we first came over, the wages were obviously much much lower than the U.K., but renting and mortgages, plus cost of living etc was more in accordance and we were able to live quite nicely, many people still struggled.")

If you want them to know their paying you allows you to pay bills or have basic items, you can tell them.

What a nonsense, I don’t need to tell my clients my financial situation to justify my need to be paid on time for my work - and it would be deeply unprofessional of me to do that. People work for money to support their lifestyle, to pay for their basic needs to be met. People availing themselves of those services have a duty to pay for them when those services are provided unless there’s a prior agreement about payment. I shouldn’t need to plead poverty to be paid for my work.

The majority of wealthy people started from humble beginnings. Of course they know what it's like.

@Canfeelamozzieflyingaround

I agree with @Bacon88 , you're going to end up a bitter woman if you keep comparing yourself to others and feel resentful.

You haven't said what kind of teaching you do - full time school teacher, part time or ??? Can you increase your hours, take on another part time job of a different kind? Upskill/ retrain? There must be something you can do to improve your situation. Nothing will change for the better unless you go and make the changes. The very first thing you should do is change your attitude and drop the "it's not fair" way of looking at things. Your happiness is your responsibility.

I don't live in the UK but have heard from friends how bad the situation is there, you might be in for a shock if you go back.

The cost of living is much lower in Algarve, Portugal than where I live. Compared to the Algarve, rent is over 75% higher here, groceries are over 70% higher plus electricity and other utilities are also higher. Due to disability I now live on less than you do in a more expensive country and my life has changed drastically but am I bitter or resentful? Far from it, I'm so grateful I'm alive and I'm here with my family. We've had to make adjustments and it can be a struggle financially but we're getting by and happy. I'm already looking ahead to the time when I'm better recovered and can hopefully take up part time employment.

Instead of comparing yourself to the very wealthy maybe you should count your blessings and be grateful for all that's good in your life, comparison is the thief of joy.

Its like so many things OP.
Decent house in affluent area
Low paid job
Disposable income
Pick two...

I would understand.

I now live in a large house, nice area, both my husband and I have jobs paying six figures. I'm probably like the people you describe.

When I was in my early 20s, I was with my ex. We rented a modest house, we had crap jobs, we lived paycheck to paycheck. At one point we had to live with his parents for a bit because we got chucked out of our house as unbeknownst to me, he had got behind with the rent (I put my half in his account every month and assumed he was paying it) I used to look at jobs paying 35, 45k and think they were out of my league.

My life has gone the way it did because I got rid of a huge millstone around my neck (ex), took a massive gamble on a new job, took my chances in that job (in part some of them were just lucky decisions made at the right time) and yes I did meet someone else who was on a track to successful career too.

I guess I'm just saying not everyone has had the nice lifestyle off the bat. Oh don't get me wrong, I know a lot of people who have, but the life I have now would have been unthinkable to the 23 year old me.