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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let dd watch what she wants on tv?

36 replies

JamDonutsOnly · 24/08/2023 13:35

dd is 16 and ds is 11 and she loves shows like dexter. there is a tv rule of one episode selection each and they take it in turns. dd always wants to watch inappropriate programs for ds. i have seen some of the dexter episodes and they are not appropriate for a primary aged child imo and yes he is starting secondary school but still.

she has said it is not fair as he can pick younger shows that would never suit her so how can she not have shows that don't suit him but having a show she doesn't like vs one actually being inappropriate is very different imo.

she says i should make ds do something else so she can enjoy the tv sometimes but i can't just ban him from the living room. AIBU?

OP posts:
needtonamechangeforthis1 · 24/08/2023 13:42

I think YAB a bit U to never let her watch her choice of shows yes.
Why can you not find times when DS isn't around or is doing something else? As an older teen nothing is more irritating than being prevented from doing things because your younger siblings are hanging around.

I was never allowed to have my choice of tv on because my younger sister would throw a strop if she didn't have her choice and I resented her for it and my parents for facilitating her for a long time.

Could she watch her shows in her bedroom either on tv or a tablet.

RonObvious · 24/08/2023 13:46

Bah. We haven't been able to watch the films and shows we want for years, because of the kids. The living room is everybody's domain - I don't think it's fair to throw people out of it. She should watch the TV she wants to watch in her room.

And yes, Dexter is definitely not appropriate for an 11 year old.

WeetabixTowels · 24/08/2023 13:48

This is why I do TV in my eldest’s bedroom. She’s 16, surely she can have one in her room?!

BoohooWoohoo · 24/08/2023 13:49

I agree with your dd and would let her watch Dexter on her laptop or tablet instead.
I would ban ds from the living room when she is watching her programmes. My kids were fine with me banning them in similar situations.

stayathomer · 24/08/2023 13:49

We have the same- ds now stays up after the rest go to bed to watch what he wants but that is proving difficult for me and dh to get to watch tv too! Is there a spare room that could be a tv room? (Do NOT put in the bedroom, ds never left the room and we had to move it citing power cable issues!!!)

WeetabixTowels · 24/08/2023 13:52

Of course you won’t have major issues putting a TV in their bedroom for someone who’ll be going off to live on her own in 2 years FGS.

WeetabixTowels · 24/08/2023 13:53

Or just enforce timings for when the TV can be on (aka parenting)

SirenSays · 24/08/2023 13:54

Does she have somewhere else to watch her shows?
Our rule is that any tv or games with an age restriction are only played in bedrooms with shut doors and little ones have to knock before entering.

Crispyperifries · 24/08/2023 13:57

Only tv in the house is in the living room?

if so a 16 year old is more then old enough to have their own tv in their bedroom. I agree with her at 16 she should be able to watch what she wants.

WaitTheNoo · 24/08/2023 14:00

but i can't just ban him from the living room. AIBU?

Why not? I find this really strange. I have two DDs with enough of an age gap that they're just inherently into different things and neither have issues with being told to spend some time in their rooms. A prime example was when me and eldest DD were watching squid game, totally inappropriate for a 9yo so at about 9pm I'd tell her to read or watch something in her room while me and DD watched that. Similarly if youngest wants to watch Mario or something I'll tell eldest to head to her room. Sometimes I even tell them both to fuck off if I just want to relax in peace on a Saturday afternoon 😱. They have their bedrooms, the rest of the house is my rules.

Regardless I don't think it's fair that at 16yo she doesn't get to watch what she wants on TV. Does she have one in her bedroom?

WeWereInParis · 24/08/2023 14:01

Does she not have a later bedtime than him, can't she watch after he goes to bed? While everyone is up, I think the tv has to be appropriate for everyone. Presumably she wouldn't want to be kicked out on a Saturday afternoon because you wanted to watch a film that was an 18?

Original poster
JamDonutsOnly · 24/08/2023 14:06

She has a TV in her room that only has live channels on. She can watch it on her laptop or phone in her room though but wants to watch it on a TV. She does have a later bedtime but DH is usually watching something after DS has gone to bed and she is normally in her room. No I've never banned either of them from living spaces

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 24/08/2023 14:12

JamDonutsOnly · 24/08/2023 14:06

She has a TV in her room that only has live channels on. She can watch it on her laptop or phone in her room though but wants to watch it on a TV. She does have a later bedtime but DH is usually watching something after DS has gone to bed and she is normally in her room. No I've never banned either of them from living spaces

I think she's being unreasonable if she could watch it on her laptop but wants him kicked out so she can watch on tv.

Can she get a wire connecting her laptop to her tv, and watch it on that screen?

caerdydd12 · 24/08/2023 14:13

Get her a cable that goes from her laptop to her TV so she can stream in her room.

BorisIsACuntWaffle · 24/08/2023 14:15

Yabu she's 16 not 6

Mariposista · 24/08/2023 14:30

So you expect her to watch baby programmes? She's 16!

PhantomUnicorn · 24/08/2023 14:43

yabu, and its weird not to ask them to spend time in their rooms so the other can watch something that might be inappropriate for the other.

i dont get people who let their lounge/living space be social central for everyone... it'd drive me nuts, neither of my kids are allowed to hang out in the living room unless we're having a conversation or want a cuddle. Etc.. they have their rooms, laptops, and their own hangout lounge/space with a TV and a ps5 in to watch their own stuff. I had enough of the absolute shite they watch when they were too small to be able to be independent in their own spaces.

The living room is 'adults only'.

WetBandits · 24/08/2023 14:48

PhantomUnicorn · 24/08/2023 14:43

yabu, and its weird not to ask them to spend time in their rooms so the other can watch something that might be inappropriate for the other.

i dont get people who let their lounge/living space be social central for everyone... it'd drive me nuts, neither of my kids are allowed to hang out in the living room unless we're having a conversation or want a cuddle. Etc.. they have their rooms, laptops, and their own hangout lounge/space with a TV and a ps5 in to watch their own stuff. I had enough of the absolute shite they watch when they were too small to be able to be independent in their own spaces.

The living room is 'adults only'.

How sad and weird! The living room is a family room, or at least it is for my family and every other family I know.

WaitTheNoo · 24/08/2023 14:50

I'd just get her a firestick for her room so she can watch it on whatever apps you have in the living room (netflix or prime or whatever) at night. But I still maintain it's not wrong to kick one or both of your kids out of the living room for a bit. Maybe it was the way I was raised but it's never even crossed my mind that the living room is some kind of sacred family space where all members have equal access. I mean when I was growing up my mum would have friends / neighbours / relatives in and we'd be sent packing outside or to our rooms so they could chat. I do the same with my kids now 🤷🏻‍♀️

WeWereInParis · 24/08/2023 14:51

neither of my kids are allowed to hang out in the living room unless we're having a conversation or want a cuddle

So if they were just sitting on their phone, or reading a book, that's not allowed?

WaitTheNoo · 24/08/2023 14:52

How sad and weird! The living room is a family room, or at least it is for my family and every other family I know.

Wonder if it's some regional / class divide or something as I'm basically the opposite and every family I know is the same 😂

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 24/08/2023 14:54

Just buy her a Firestick for the TV in her room so she can watch what she wants.

I agree with her that it's unfair she never gets to watch what she wants downstairs because of her brother.

NooNooTheNotSoGreat · 24/08/2023 14:55

How sad and weird! The living room is a family room, or at least it is for my family and every other family I know.

Same. I can't imagine banishing family members like that whether they're 3 or 13. Especially in a space that's intended for everyone. That's really shitty,

TropicalTrama · 24/08/2023 14:57

So she can watch it on her laptop in her room? Total non issue then. But a fire stick would be a cheap solution if she wants to watch more than live TV in her room.

Bestivalfun · 24/08/2023 15:01

I agree with PP. We have oldish TVs with Roku/amazon Firestick. I think the Roku cost around £30 with no subscription needed.