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Original poster

MIL nightmare

33 replies

Jessxpoppy · 24/08/2023 01:38

My Partner is working away for 6 months and expects me to "check up" on my MIL. She constant gets annoyed/jealous if
We have 3 way calls. (Cheaper to do a 3 way call for him)
However rewind 3 weeks ago i happened to bump into my MIL sister and she mentioned how she was slagging me off making comments about me.
He told his mother on a 3 way call it's ridiculous and we needs to get along (when referencing comments she made
To her sister about me)
I have a child to a previous relationship but my partner is extremely close
With child.. another thing which annoys her
He constant ask me to check up on his mum, which I don't want to and when I do she gives me the cold shoulder!
How can I tell my partner "nicely" that she's a toxic attention seeking witch

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 24/08/2023 01:44

Why does she need checking on?
If he's so worried about her he can phone her direct.
Re her comments about you I think you should have it out with her. Ask her directly what her problem is that she obviously has with you.
It doesn't sound like it's going to improve unless you can clear the air and move forward.

Greensleeves · 24/08/2023 01:45

Well...he probably knows. He doesn't want to face up to the fact that she's behaving appallingly, because then he would have to step up and deal with it. He's hoping you'll just put up with it, swallow your feelings and manage her so he doesn't have to.

With that in mind, I wouldn't invest much time in trying to find a tactful form of words. Tell him firmly that he needs to show a bit of backbone and set some boundaries with his mother. In the meantime, you insist on your boundaries. If she is rude and nasty to or about you, then you don't see or speak to her.

Workingmumchaos · 24/08/2023 01:45

FaceTime, zoom, Skype, google meet? Trillion ways for him to ring her for free!

Frogger8395 · 24/08/2023 01:51

He constant ask me to check up on his mum, which I don't want to and when I do she gives me the cold shoulder!

Stop being a mug. Tell him to do it himself.

Original poster
Jessxpoppy · 24/08/2023 01:58

Thedogscollar · 24/08/2023 01:44

Why does she need checking on?
If he's so worried about her he can phone her direct.
Re her comments about you I think you should have it out with her. Ask her directly what her problem is that she obviously has with you.
It doesn't sound like it's going to improve unless you can clear the air and move forward.

I have asked her directly- with my partner on the same call.
She denied it saying she didn't say those
Comments to her sister

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessxpoppy · 24/08/2023 02:00

Greensleeves · 24/08/2023 01:45

Well...he probably knows. He doesn't want to face up to the fact that she's behaving appallingly, because then he would have to step up and deal with it. He's hoping you'll just put up with it, swallow your feelings and manage her so he doesn't have to.

With that in mind, I wouldn't invest much time in trying to find a tactful form of words. Tell him firmly that he needs to show a bit of backbone and set some boundaries with his mother. In the meantime, you insist on your boundaries. If she is rude and nasty to or about you, then you don't see or speak to her.

Yes this is true. He knows she acts badly
and brushes it under the rug.
I think just having minimal connect is best thing

OP posts:
Grumpy101 · 24/08/2023 02:01

@Greensleeves is totally right. You need to stand your for yourself and set your own boundaries. He won't because it's easier to leave it all to you.

Sugargliderwombat · 24/08/2023 03:00

Can't you just say to get SIL to do it ?

CrappyBarbara · 24/08/2023 04:37

Where is your partner that he is paying for phone calls?? Has he not heard of the internet?

IkeaMeatballGravy · 24/08/2023 04:43

Having 3 way calls just sounds akward and annoying for both you and MIL. Is there really no way that he can call you both separately?

The sister sounds like a bit of a shit stirrer tbh, how did the subject of MIL slagging you off come up?

Totalwasteofpaper · 24/08/2023 04:48

has she got whatsapp? Drop a generic message if you feel generous.

Separately tell him to check on his own mother. His request isnt normal. Also not normal for his aunt to be telling you her sister slags you off all the time. Or just lie and say you called and she didnt pick up 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fraaahnces · 24/08/2023 04:48

Tell him that you’re not any more inclined to check on her than she is on you. His job.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 24/08/2023 05:43

So MIL’s awful, MIL’s sister is a shit stirrer, and your partner asks you to do emotional labour on his behalf. I’d do one last thing for him which is point him to the eight million ways there are for him to call his mother for free, leaving you out of it.

MyMILisLovely · 24/08/2023 06:11

She's not your MIL, she's your DP's mother. If I were you I'd make her your ex-DP's mother.

maddening · 24/08/2023 06:19

A - how old is she - what does checking up on entail and why is it needed?

B - if he has WhatsApp then calls are free and no need for this ridiculous 3 way malarkey

canfor · 24/08/2023 06:22

Start saying no. It's not your job to check up on his mum. You now know she says unpleasant things about you behind your back. Say you will no longer have regular contact with her because of that. You can offer to be polite to her at family events if she is also polite to you.

Shoxfordian · 24/08/2023 06:23

Don’t know why you started calling his mum in the first place but stop doing that - she’s his problem not yours

Zanatdy · 24/08/2023 06:24

Get her point about a 3 way call, why can’t he just spend 20 mins calling his mum privately? I’d be annoyed if my child called me and constantly had his partner on the call too

Sallyh87 · 24/08/2023 06:51

The three way call thing is weird. If he is in a country without WhatsApp, why not Skype?

Mikimoto · 24/08/2023 06:53

Say you'll "sacrifice" your part of the call so he can just ring her!
Does she live very near? Just to keep the peace, could you offer to pop
in, but at very spaced-out periods, e.g. a week next Tuesday?

Summerbay23 · 24/08/2023 06:54

I don’t understand the 3 way call either. What about FaceTime, Skype, WhatsApp? How are the 3 way calls being made? How long is he away for?

Can’t your SIL check up on MIL?

PermanentTemporary · 24/08/2023 06:56

I wouldn't appreciate being 'checked up on' myself. Does he just think that you being in the same room will result in you being besties?

I think ask him with lots of dramatic concern what he's so worried about? Suggest he puts his mind at rest by calling her.

I'd resist this attempt to put you both in the 'women' box so he can get on with his life.

GabriellaMontez · 24/08/2023 06:59

3 way call? Are you in an alternate universe?

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 24/08/2023 07:10

If he really wants you to check up on her send her a text 'you still alive' then as long as she responds you've done the right thing.

Sod being civil to someone who treats you badly. If your dh is that worried then he can check up on her

ChaToilLeam · 24/08/2023 07:13

Just tell him no, you will not check up on her any more.

It’s his mother anyway, why does he get to palm this off on you?

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