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Original poster

Help me with insults for my boss

48 replies

ArseHoleBoss · 23/08/2023 12:48

Name change but regular user.

I am actually stunned - my boss has just given me a telling off for asking him a work question in work time. The reason for the telling off is he thinks I'm asking unnecessary questions because I want his attention and time.

For context I very rarely ask him questions and will make every attempt to find an answer before asking him due to his surly, aggressive, mean manner most of the time. This question was unavoidable as it was about his own work vehicle and it's availability for an MOT.

He believes I make up reasons to talk to him because I'm lonely! I do work alone in an office in a very small business but I'm happy with that as I'm a massive introvert.

He is 43 and I am 50 and happily married. I cannot actually believe the words came out of him.

I am obviously desperately seeking a new job and have been for some time.

What is it with men like him? He's about 5 stone overweight and has the most awful personality.

Tips on what to say to him (lighthearted as I need to stay until I get another job).

OP posts:
FucksSakeSusan · 23/08/2023 12:55

You need to be thinking of what you're going to say to HR about him, not to him!

Original poster
ArseHoleBoss · 23/08/2023 12:56

There is no HR department, it is a tiny company, he's the only boss/manager.

OP posts:
Namechangedforthis2244 · 23/08/2023 12:59

You need to book his car in for its mot at the most in convenient time that you can possibly find. 8am Sunday morning maybe? Or 7pm on a Friday night? Somewhere the opposite side of the office from his home address.

When he complains you claim it’s impossible to change the time and say “yes, with hindsight we should have discussed convenient timings”

Repeat until he asks you to start asking him things

AnSolas · 23/08/2023 13:07

You call you friend and have a great laugh at the bloke in her office who thinks he is the gods gift to women

If you have not got a white board on his door yet get one installed. You write your questions on the white board and he replies.
The white board is held by a lifesize cutout of your husband...

Or you get a couple of courier pigeon and a small coop for behind his desk..

ElleLeopine · 23/08/2023 13:11

So have you now booked his car in? Personally, I wouldn't bother.

myBumJuiceSmellsLikeRoses · 23/08/2023 13:15

There We Are Then.

catzrulz · 23/08/2023 13:18

myBumJuiceSmellsLikeRoses · 23/08/2023 13:15

There We Are Then.

Well said 🤣

Desdemona44 · 23/08/2023 13:18

I dont know what to suggest, but you have my sympathy. Bosses of small businesses in my experience are without fail completely batshit

Balloonhearts · 23/08/2023 13:19

I once told my boss that I take my lead from him and he's a bit of a cunt so actually in a way it's his fault really.

But I knew his sense of humour so it's probably best not to call him a cunt if you don't think he'll laugh.

Gizlotsmum · 23/08/2023 13:20

What would be the worst outcome of either not booking his car in or booking it in early on a Monday morning, as far away from the office as possible on a day you are on leave?

AlisonDonut · 23/08/2023 13:22

ArseHoleBoss · 23/08/2023 12:48

Name change but regular user.

I am actually stunned - my boss has just given me a telling off for asking him a work question in work time. The reason for the telling off is he thinks I'm asking unnecessary questions because I want his attention and time.

For context I very rarely ask him questions and will make every attempt to find an answer before asking him due to his surly, aggressive, mean manner most of the time. This question was unavoidable as it was about his own work vehicle and it's availability for an MOT.

He believes I make up reasons to talk to him because I'm lonely! I do work alone in an office in a very small business but I'm happy with that as I'm a massive introvert.

He is 43 and I am 50 and happily married. I cannot actually believe the words came out of him.

I am obviously desperately seeking a new job and have been for some time.

What is it with men like him? He's about 5 stone overweight and has the most awful personality.

Tips on what to say to him (lighthearted as I need to stay until I get another job).

'Dave, noone is that lonely mate.'

Original poster
ArseHoleBoss · 23/08/2023 13:25

Thanks for these, I love the carrier pigeon option and the no one is that lonely! Of course IRL I won't be able to do any of this as he's a total bully who is destroying my self confidence a little more every day.

He has built his small business empire and believes he is God's gift to women and all who need his services.

OP posts:
CheezePleeze · 23/08/2023 13:26

You do realise you've just insulted every overweight Mumsnetter?

Unless you're going to explain that his weight is absolutely relevant to the situation?

Original poster
ArseHoleBoss · 23/08/2023 13:29

@CheezePleeze

I am sorry, I don't mean to insult anyone. I am overweight myself. The comment was to try to convey this truly unpleasant man is not a slim, trim, gym bunny type (not that this would be in anyway more attractive), just a very average overweight boss.

But I think you knew that anyway.

OP posts:
CheezePleeze · 23/08/2023 13:31

No I didn't know that anyway?

You could simply have said he doesn't go to the gym if you think that's relevant.

But to mention he's 5 stone overweight as part of his character assassination, is insulting.

Callipygion · 23/08/2023 13:31

Balloonhearts · 23/08/2023 13:19

I once told my boss that I take my lead from him and he's a bit of a cunt so actually in a way it's his fault really.

But I knew his sense of humour so it's probably best not to call him a cunt if you don't think he'll laugh.

Love that. I hope I can remember it to use if the need arises!

Pfpppl · 23/08/2023 13:33

Book every Monday off as annual leave. Then every Friday you get the pleasure of calling out "see you next Tuesday" as you finish for the week.

Cantdecide35 · 23/08/2023 13:35

@CheezePleeze tbf I’ve never found an overweight man attractive. It’s a matter of opinion. Get a grip

MathiasBroucek · 23/08/2023 13:39

It sounds like you may be happier in another job.....

CheezePleeze · 23/08/2023 13:40

Cantdecide35 · 23/08/2023 13:35

@CheezePleeze tbf I’ve never found an overweight man attractive. It’s a matter of opinion. Get a grip

It has nothing to do with his awful personality.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/08/2023 13:42

What an absolute creep.

I like the idea of writing questions on the White Board. and no actioning until its answered.

And rather than questions (which is normal) I'd just write. Your MOT expires on x date.

I found the phrase "I hear what you are saying," very useful when you can't be bothered responding to any rubbish.

Best of luck with your job search... don't discuss job handover!

Original poster
ArseHoleBoss · 23/08/2023 13:42

@CheezePleeze

Thanks for using my thread as an outlet for whatever is bothering you.

He is massively insulting to me everyday in various forms so I have no shame in insulting him but do not wish to insult the whole of Mumsnet as you claim.

My apologies to anyone other than him I've insulted. I am also overweight and never go to the gym.

OP posts:
AnSolas · 23/08/2023 13:42

CheezePleeze · 23/08/2023 13:40

It has nothing to do with his awful personality.

Show quote history

Has a little to do with his rank on the shaggability scales🤷

RedDoughnut · 23/08/2023 13:44

I'm fat. I'm not insulted. It DID help build a picture of him

Weemama1 · 23/08/2023 13:44

defo get 1 of they glitter bombs sent to his house, you can get them on google, he opens it not knowing what it is and glitter goes absoulty everywere haha!