Help me with insults for my boss

[ArseHoleBoss]

Name change but regular user.

I am actually stunned - my boss has just given me a telling off for asking him a work question in work time. The reason for the telling off is he thinks I'm asking unnecessary questions because I want his attention and time.

For context I very rarely ask him questions and will make every attempt to find an answer before asking him due to his surly, aggressive, mean manner most of the time. This question was unavoidable as it was about his own work vehicle and it's availability for an MOT.

He believes I make up reasons to talk to him because I'm lonely! I do work alone in an office in a very small business but I'm happy with that as I'm a massive introvert.

He is 43 and I am 50 and happily married. I cannot actually believe the words came out of him.

I am obviously desperately seeking a new job and have been for some time.

What is it with men like him? He's about 5 stone overweight and has the most awful personality.

Tips on what to say to him (lighthearted as I need to stay until I get another job).

I'm a bit baffled by some of these responses?

Shaggability? I don't think so.

It does

Part of his awful personality is thinking he's gods gift to women, which he's not because he's hugely overweight, and fat men aren't high on most women's fantasy fuck list.

He's sweaty and hairy, his t-shirts (manual job) never quite reach his trousers and he has a bit of gut hanging below. His hairy arse crack is usually on show when he bends over. His face is permanently red and he needs a hair cut.

Sorry if I've insulted hairy, sweaty overweight men in manual jobs.

Hope it helps build the picture. Other than that and his disgusting personality and bullying ways, he's a great boss.

I'm overweight and this didn't offend me in the least.

OP apologies that someone has tried to derail your thread. You boss sounds like a dick

I think that poster was meaning that you included it in your description to make it clear that you definitely were not 'interested' in him in the way he was perhaps suggesting with his 'wanting attention and time'.

I see you've met my BIL. If it helps, we don't like him eithet.

Is it possible to look for another job and leave this hairy arsed git right in the shit for his appalling manners ?

^ this

I totally sympathise and emphasise with you OP. He sounds vile.

I once said to my horrible misogynistic bully of an ex-boss, who hated being asked questions, “I know I’m shit hot at my job, and pretty good at second guessing you, but I actually don’t yet have the ability to read your mind!”

Another tactic I use when dealing with grumpy unpleasant people is to ‘disarm with charm’. If you can remain calm and cheerful they see that their manner isn’t having the desired effect of making you uncomfortable and it effectively renders them powerless. They soon back down.

empathise not emphasise! Bloomin’ predictive text..

I can't see what was actually said in the conversation?
Only a barrage of childish and offensive descriptors?

@ArseHoleBoss you went to see him to ask him about when he wanted his car servicing? He then said what? Something that has led you to believe he thinks you fancy him.

What did he say?

Don’t say anything to him, I had an arsey female boss who was a pain if I ever had a question ( very rarely as I avoided her) I just sent an email for every question and put something like “ get back to me with your decision and I’ll action it/ get it arranged blah blah” then did absolutely nothing about it til I had a reply. Also I had a post-it-pad on my desk I lifted up to the last piece and wrote down some initials like TOPD (think of pay day) SAW (she’s a twat) IBLS ( I’ll be leaving soon) anyone else using the top post-it wouldn’t see the initials and wouldn’t know what they meant anyway but I could easily flip it up and it kept me sane.

don't be silly. It goes towards suggesting it would not be the more usual type who would think he was God's gift to women.

I vote for this

This!

I suggest you get your husband to pop in, and loudly say, "So where is the tosser who is bothering you, shall I sort him out?"

I reckon that should do it!

He sounds like my ex boss. I was made redundant during first lockdown and ended up in a role like yours Op as I needed a job. Absolutely hated it he was an arsehole of the highest order.

I would dress up in your tightest, most slutty outfit tomorrow morning. Loads of makeup, heels, everything. Then flirt outrageously with him all day.

Laugh at any mundane comment he makes, keep asking if he needs anything. Keep walking past him wiggling your bottom.

I don't know why I'd feel like doing this, I think I'd just have to lean in to his fantasy, and see how much he likes it when it becomes reality.

Buy a book with a title he'd find offensive. "How to cope with awful bosses" or something along those lines. Leave it somewhere particularly visible.

This!

Thanks for the support and the laughs. Sorry some find it childish and offensive, I hope you always never have a boss like this.

Keep us posted OP.

I for one would love to know if:

a) he changes his tune in the face of the mighty collective power and wisdom of MN 😀

b) you find another job and leave him on his arse 🤞🏻

You are being deliberately obtuse. Are you the overweight male boss? Another man telling women how they ought to think?