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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To quit my job?

40 replies

laneyc · 22/08/2023 22:55

Currently pregnant with second and thinking realistically how I would go back to work after maternity leave. We couldn't afford to put the new baby in nursery whilst I worked full time and the demands of current role means the chances of me going part time are really difficult. Was already told when I took the new role that I'd have to increase my working hours, which I did as luckily we had parents to help us out with childcare for our first DS. This time we won't be able to rely on them; they are getting older and I feel it's a burden for them to help as much as they have been doing.

My son has ASD and I've been thinking about not returning to work and instead being a carer for him/SAHM. I've wanted to be there for him as much as possible as he does have high needs and I've found it impossible at times whilst working full time. And that will be even harder with another DC.

I think we would be entitled to UC, my partner earns £24k so not much really in comparison to others.

Am I being stupid in wanting to do this? I'm trying to think of absolutely everything before I make any decisions. If I did do it, would it be better to leave before maternity leave starts also?

I feel so stuck and just don't know what to do!

OP posts:
SocialHistoryStereotypes · 22/08/2023 22:58

Does your DS get pip?

SocialHistoryStereotypes · 22/08/2023 22:58

Or is it DLA still for DC?

Original poster
laneyc · 22/08/2023 22:59

Yes he gets DLA middle care at the moment, no mobility as under 5

OP posts:
Original poster
laneyc · 22/08/2023 23:01

Worried about making such a big decision and need to think it through..

OP posts:
EtVoilaa · 22/08/2023 23:05

How much do you earn?

Are you married?

Ohyousillydivvy · 22/08/2023 23:08

You can get carers allowance if you work/earn under a certain amount or carers credit if you're over the threshold.

Original poster
laneyc · 22/08/2023 23:08

@EtVoilaa £21k, unmarried

OP posts:
Original poster
laneyc · 22/08/2023 23:08

@Ohyousillydivvy Yes I could claim carers, I don't at the moment as obviously earn over the threshold

OP posts:
Original poster
laneyc · 22/08/2023 23:11

Can anybody tell me how it would work claiming UC? Don't really understand how it would work if I handed in my notice, there would be a crossover period where I'd have absolutely no money coming in until the claim started? Also I would have to do this before going on maternity? Sad

OP posts:
Findyourneutralspace · 22/08/2023 23:12

I’d take your mat leave first and then make a decision, but you may find with nursery savings, UC/DLA and carers you are in not too different a position financially. I think there are calculators, eg entitled to, where you can punch in hypothetical figures and work out where you will be.

I completely understand and would be having the same debate (both my DCs have. SEN and need extra support).

Do consider your pension though. It might not feel immediately urgent but it can be hard to make up later.

Original poster
laneyc · 22/08/2023 23:15

@Findyourneutralspace I'm pretty sure my company policy though is paying back the enhanced maternity pay unless I return for a certain amount of time.. bit of a rubbish situation to be in really

OP posts:
Haretest · 22/08/2023 23:27

Not a chance I'd give up my job to stay home if unmarried. You'd have no protection.

Why can you and your partner not afford for you to work, but no question of his job?

lanthanum · 22/08/2023 23:43

laneyc · 22/08/2023 23:15

@Findyourneutralspace I'm pretty sure my company policy though is paying back the enhanced maternity pay unless I return for a certain amount of time.. bit of a rubbish situation to be in really

It is probably best not to resign until your notice period requires it for you not to return. You can either ask them to withhold the enhanced pay until you return, in case you don't, or take it and stick it in a savings account to pay back. The advantage of leaving resignation later is it gives you more options if your partner is made redundant.

The other thing worth considering is shared parental leave. If your partner could take some of that, it might enable you to return to work for long enough to qualify to keep the enhanced pay.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 23/08/2023 00:22

One of the advantages you have right now as an employee is being able to ask for more flexible working conditions. If you quit your job and in several years want/need to return to the workforce as a new employee you are far less likely to get a job with flexible working conditions straight off.

Yes, it would be easier to not work, but give some thought to alternatives such as part time, WFH etc first. This would be something quite difficult to undo in the future.

BluebellSmile · 23/08/2023 05:04

Dont resign now keep your options open as other posters have said you don't know what your situation will be at the end of your maternity leave.
If you still want to stop working you would probably be able to muddle through a couple of months with parents help so you won't have to pay back any money
You need to keep the money coming in ,don't add lack of money to what should be a happy time.
Can't stress this enough put your family first by not resigning yet.

Original poster
laneyc · 23/08/2023 08:09

How do people afford nursery fees though without any help at all from parents? Even with me working we wouldn't be able to afford to do it

OP posts:
CommonVetch · 23/08/2023 08:14

Can't your partner take some parental leave or something? Your wages aren't too different, why are you taking the career hit instead of him?

Original poster
laneyc · 23/08/2023 08:19

@CommonVetch I'm the one who's been saying for a while that I want to be available more for my DS. It's a choice that I want to make

OP posts:
Original poster
laneyc · 23/08/2023 08:20

The fact of it is that we wouldn't be able to afford nursery fees and we certainly couldn't rely on parents again this time and like I mentioned earlier, there's hardly anybody on my team who is part time because of the demands of the job itself. It's not something they accommodate even though they really should try to.

OP posts:
Poontangle · 23/08/2023 08:25

What's your partner's view on all this? Has he put forward any potential solutions?

Original poster
laneyc · 23/08/2023 08:28

Neither of us can see any other options to be honest.

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 23/08/2023 08:31

By quitting your job and being unmarried you’re leaving yourself very vulnerable. I know you probably haven’t given it much thought yet but your pension would be affected. You will struggle to support yourself in old age. If you and your partner were to break up you would be left with nothing. No entitlement to anything. I would seriously consider your position and either insist on being married. Or continue working. You don’t have to have a wedding. Just legalise it at the registry office so you aren’t left shafted if things go wrong

HowcanIhelp123 · 23/08/2023 08:32

Another saying don't resign. You are entitled to statutory maternity pay which you wouldn't have to pay back. You would need to pay back any enhancement from the company but the statutory cannot be claimed back. If you definitely want to not go back, when applying for mat leave you tell HR that and they only give you the statutoriy you wouldn't need to pay back.

How long would you need to return for to not pay it back? Usually its only 2/3 months. You accrue annual leave while on maternity leave, which usually ends up being around a month. You could use that to extend your leave as part of your 'return period', or to work 3 days a week for example in your 'return period', so you'd need less childcare help from family to muddle through so you could keep the extra.

Original poster
laneyc · 23/08/2023 08:35

Sorry if I'm being thick, but for those saying become I'm unmarried and I'd be unprotected, as in what? We don't own a house together or anything like that, is that what people mean? I already have a pension pot worth some value also, and I'd look to keep paying an amount into this, however small it may be for now at least it would be something. The long term view is not for me to stay out of work, just at least whilst the children are little and whilst we figure out how my DS copes in school

OP posts:
FluffyDiplodocus · 23/08/2023 08:39

I wouldn’t resign (and I fully get it, my DS has ASD) - I don’t think you said how old your oldest is, but you get some funded hours at 3yo which helps and preschools attached to schools are free (but you’re then linked to school hours). Childminders are usually cheaper than nursery too. I think going down to part time to support him and help with fees would be a better option if you can.