Who should contact who in this situation?

[Sheswearingthatdressinggownagain]

Live overseas. Had a v good friend here for ten plus years, she moved back to the U.K. a few years ago but continued to come out most years (didn’t stay with me, has family place)
We’d always meet up at first, but less over the years, she had two more children, me one, life is busy etc I guess.
She hasn’t been out for a couple of years but the last time she came, we didn’t meet up, don’t think she mentioned anything and I felt a bit 😞
Anyway, about six months ago she said she was coming in August and we must try to meet up, I said I’d love that and to just text me when she was here to make plans.
She tagged me in a few memes etc (not my preferred choice of communication
as I’d prefer to message/chat like with other friends, but it’s fine)
Didn’t hear from her and didn’t know she was here, until she posted on Fb pictures of her here, so I thought ‘Oh’ 🤷🏻‍♀️
Didn’t message her as assumed if she wanted to meet up, she’d text as we did say that, plus it’s her holiday, I’m flexible to work around her as we live here. Heard nothing and then saw today she’d posted about being home after an amazing holiday 🥹
Its pretty clear she doesn’t want to meet up with me isn’t it? Why say this every time? Or was it up to me to contact her, I don’t think it was
Would you forget about this friendship? We’ve known each other for 17 years but obviously drifted since she went back, I’ve always tried in the past but just end up feeling hurt each time.
Looking at the pictures, even Dh said ‘Oh did you not meet up with X?’ She was literally 5 minutes away from us

I'd be so hurt. You're not wrong.

That said. I also live far away from family and friends and only get back every couple of years. The trips seem to go so fast, people 'book in' as soon as they hear I'm home. I don't have a ton of friends, but between various family things, kids, and my best friends there always seems to be people I wish I'd seen but just could never fit in. Never intentional or meant to hurt. But I did read this thinking I may have been guilty of this without meaning to.

She tagged me in a few memes etc (not my preferred choice of communication
as I’d prefer to message/chat like with other friends, but it’s fine)

I know how painful this can be and how hard it is to reach out when you feel the other person might not want a friendship anymore. I am wondering if this is more a miss communication. Did you respond to her memes? Maybe she feels you don't really want to meet up. I think as friends communication is both parties responsibility. Maybe the friendship is over, maybe it just needs one of you to reach out more.

@EliflurtleTripanInfinite Over the years I’ve always been the one to make a lot more effort with messaging etc and I guess I just slowly backed away as I always felt hurt and don’t have this with other friends. I responded to the memes and always do. I responded warmly to her ‘We must try to meet up’ (The word ‘Try’ us also a bit 🤷🏻‍♀️) and told her I’d love to and to message me when she gets here

*Is

As painful as it must be it sounds like you have become a lower priority for her now. It’s horrible when these things happen. I would wait for her to make contact next and see what happens.

This happened with me and my best friend from my teenage years. We were so close and then we went to different unis, lived in different parts of the UK, it was always me going to visit her and making the effort, and I kept the friendship going for years and tears. Always me travelling to see her, always me contacting her. Then exactly the same I saw on FB that she was in a pub up the road from me. She hadn't contacted me at all.

We aren't friends anymore. She made it clear that I wasn't on her radar AT ALL, and I (finally) have more self respect than to chase someone and beg them to be my friend who doesn't give a shit.

It sucks, OP. I know how much it hurts 😞

@ABeesWings Tbh it’s happened a couple of times and I almost expect it now. Why make contact though to even bother suggesting it, what’s the point

@NorthWestThree So sorry 😢 that’s awful

The thing is, I was literally at the same place as her with my dc and a friends dc, not sure if the same day but may have been, how awkward would it have been to bump into each other.
It’s sad, could’ve stayed least messaged maybe to say there was no time and so much was going on etc…oh well

*At least messaged

@HannahsLife I get that, but she’s not coming home, she’s coming to where she used to live and generally only sometimes meets up with one other friend (don’t think did this time)
Its been a few years now, isn’t enough of a friendship that tells me

Maybe when she's thinking of coming out she thinks I'd like to see sheswearing, rose tinted glasses and all that, but then when it comes to it she prioritises seeing other people or doing other things. As sad as it is it sounds like this friendship has run it's course. I'd step back and if she memes you or posts to say it would be great you can just like it or write sounds great or something like that. The friendship you had isn't changed by what you have now, she was once a good friend now you've grown apart, that doesn't devalue what you had, it was a friendship for a season.

@EliflurtleTripanInfinite Yes, it’s sad though, but gets easier as time goes on I suppose. I just felt we were really close at one point, other friends I wasn’t as close to have stayed in touch much more. Perhaps I saw it as a deeper friendship than it was 🤷🏻‍♀️

Possibly she only sends a message suggesting/hoping to meet just to cover that she’s there, but really doesn’t have an intention of meeting up.

But you don’t think, she might have thought that she posted she was here so was expecting to hear from me with me saying ‘Oh you’re here! Let’s meet up?’

That sucks. I agree with PP who said you should let her contact you/keep in touch and see if she does. I let go some friendships when I noticed they were not maintained by the others. I stopped making effort and those people just faded away.

I'd probably not follow her FB anymore. You aren't friends anymore but acquaintances.

I don’t think she posted just so that you’d see it. If someone said to text me when I was there to make plans I’d think that was quite passive unless we were close and they were putting the ball in my court because they didn’t want to commit. I do agree her saying ‘try’ was a bit odd but if she didn’t want to see you why mention it at all? I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone but I only send memes to people that I feel I’m good friends with. It’s a kind of ‘I saw this and thought of you/thought you’d like it’ type thing

@Pimpmyfeet No, sorry, I don’t mean posted just so that I’d see it, she would’ve wanted to post pics anyway, but maybe she thought, ‘Well she knows I’m here’ 🤷🏻‍♀️I don’t know

@OhcantthInkofaname Do you think so? How sad though hey

@Pimpmyfeet Quite passive of me to say to text her when she’s here?
Yes this is the thing why bother mentioning it

I lived abroad a few years ago for about six years. The sad truth is that I didn't know many people when I arrived, was lonely, missed home, was single, had no kids, and was extremely eager to pursue friendships with vaguely like-minded people. I enjoyed these friendships and the affection was real, but they weren't people that I would have chosen to be friends with in the UK where I have so many deeper friendships with people I've known for much longer.

It could be incase you see her there by accident or you see her post something.
Sometimes people just say ‘we will have to meet up’ but don’t mean it, I’ve been on the receiving end of that. Take them up on it and they make lame excuses not to.

I once went back home and didn't meet up with anyone, including very close friends. I'd just been through a huge loss and couldn't face dealing with anyone from 'before'. I'm not sure if something has happened with your friend? Otherwise, it sounds like your lives have moved apart a bit.

I'd just stop following her and gently let her go.