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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"You should know what I want from you"

30 replies

Readmyminddamnit · 22/08/2023 21:32

light-hearted

I'm being entirely unreasonable. I tell DP "no it's fine you carry on with X". Obviously, I don't mean it and he should know this but instead he takes me at my word and I'm annoyed.

We'll I'm not but wouldn't it be nice if he had the foresight to know I'm being polite and at least make some effort instead of continuing X without a second thought. I only needed 5 minutes of his time but I know if I'd asked he would have given it to me and I know if it was the other way round he wouldn't be bothered in the slightest. Sigh.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 22/08/2023 21:33

YABU

Herejusttocomment · 22/08/2023 21:34

Is this how NOT to get your needs met in a relationship?

Anothernamethesamegame · 22/08/2023 21:36

Why not just say can you help me with x?
I get it’s nice to have people preempt your needs and be proactive in supporting you, but when that doesn’t happen best to be direct and ask.

Shoxfordian · 22/08/2023 21:37

Start being much more direct

foolishone · 22/08/2023 21:39

Eh?

Littlemissprosecco · 22/08/2023 21:41

Playing games is never good!

Original poster
Readmyminddamnit · 22/08/2023 21:42

Our relationship is good and he would have dropped what he was doing if I really needed him too but I didn't. I am direct when I truly need him.

OP posts:
Olika · 22/08/2023 21:45

I have realised men need to be told/asked clearly that leaves no space for them figuring it out somehow Grin

WorkCleanRepeat · 22/08/2023 21:53

YABU

In fact, are you my Mum? This definitely sounds like something she would say about my Dad.

Original poster
Readmyminddamnit · 22/08/2023 21:59

@WorkCleanRepeat are you a 5 year old boy 😜 not your mum. Just obviously have the same unreasonable expectations/frustrations

OP posts:
colachive · 22/08/2023 22:04

I cannot deal with indirect communication… please just ask for what you want or need, don’t complain on Mumsnet about your husband taking you at your word! He’s not a mindreader.

GarlicGrace · 22/08/2023 22:08

Poor OP 😂

Nobody's paying attention to what you actually said, so it's no surprise DH doesn't listen to what you don't say!

"You should know what I want from you"
Hesma · 22/08/2023 22:48

Stop playing stupid games and be up front with him 🙄

ATerrorofLeftovers · 22/08/2023 22:52

Clear communication is invaluable if you want a healthy, functional relationship. Just saying.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/08/2023 22:55

But it really isn't lighthearted, is it? You sound like hard work.

jannier · 22/08/2023 23:01

So hes supposed to know what you need and want when you say it's alright? Have you previously had conversations about whatever it is he's doing or is he a mind reader? Confused

anunlikelyseahorse · 22/08/2023 23:07

Yeh I think I get you OP, you don't want to nag, and you don't want to be telling your Dh to stop an activity, because you'd hope he can see or realise you need help. So something like you're busy making the meal, but you'd hope he'd have the foresight to lay the table, but unless you actually ask, he'll Potter off to do something else, leaving you to try and manage stirring the gravy whilst simultaneously throwing the knives and forks on the table hoping they'll arrange themselves into the right place. Is that what you mean?
My DH does this too, but his worst 'crime' I'll tell him we'll be ready to eat in 10 mins and he disappears leaving me spend 10 mins calling him to diner. I got so fed up, I now just let him have a cold meal!

WandaWonder · 22/08/2023 23:18

Olika · 22/08/2023 21:45

I have realised men need to be told/asked clearly that leaves no space for them figuring it out somehow Grin

I need that too as a woman i dont do mind games or am a mind reader

Why is it a man thing?

ThinWomansBrain · 22/08/2023 23:21

no prizes for guessing why you disabled voting.

Original poster
Readmyminddamnit · 22/08/2023 23:27

Jeez this was meant to be light hearted. I said I was unreasonable. I am not actually annoyed at him as I also said. He's a bloody lovely man and very much appreciated and he knows this.

I disabled voting because I don't like it. No other reason.

OP posts:
FOJN · 22/08/2023 23:29

LTB. A decent partner would have developed their mind reading skills by now the fact that he hasn't is evidence that you're just not that important to him.

The idea that you should communicate your needs clearly, like an adult, is controlling.

It will only get worse, run.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Nice to see someone with a sense of humour about their own mistakes.

HappyCamperTent · 22/08/2023 23:31

I deliberately don’ttake the hint as hinting really pisses me off.

Gymnopedie · 23/08/2023 00:03

Readmyminddamnit · 22/08/2023 23:27

Jeez this was meant to be light hearted. I said I was unreasonable. I am not actually annoyed at him as I also said. He's a bloody lovely man and very much appreciated and he knows this.

I disabled voting because I don't like it. No other reason.

OP lighthearted or not, I haven't the first clue what your point was in posting this thread. What did you want us to say? What sort of responses were you looking for?

Gymnopedie · 23/08/2023 00:04

^^ Actually thinking about your thread title I suppose you thought we should know what you want.

Herejusttocomment · 23/08/2023 07:39

Sorry but what's the point of this post?

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