"You should know what I want from you"

30 replies

Readmyminddamnit · 22/08/2023 21:32

light-hearted

I'm being entirely unreasonable. I tell DP "no it's fine you carry on with X". Obviously, I don't mean it and he should know this but instead he takes me at my word and I'm annoyed.

We'll I'm not but wouldn't it be nice if he had the foresight to know I'm being polite and at least make some effort instead of continuing X without a second thought. I only needed 5 minutes of his time but I know if I'd asked he would have given it to me and I know if it was the other way round he wouldn't be bothered in the slightest. Sigh.

OP posts:

CarPour · 23/08/2023 08:04

God some people are just such twats.

I do get it OP. I am direct with my DH but sometimes I just wish he would do something without me having to tell him. Especially if it's something I've asked before e.g. I've asked you to set the table every day when I'm cooking dinner, why do I still need to ask you? Why do you not learn? Sometimes it would be nice if he just dropped X and came to help.

EthicalNonMahogany · 23/08/2023 08:05

Readmyminddamnit · 22/08/2023 21:42

Our relationship is good and he would have dropped what he was doing if I really needed him too but I didn't. I am direct when I truly need him.

This is actually really psychologically interesting for you OP and could be the start of some really lovely interesting reflection.

You're saying it's not important, and you didn't really have a need (for him to help). But you did have a need. It wasn't a big need (Help now!! The house is on fire!!). But some part of you is nevertheless saying excuse me, this is a need! You felt a bit miffed he didn't anticipate it, and you wrote on here. In a smallish way you feel unloved. Something blocked you from asking to have your need met. There was some kind of conflict in you.

And actually the same thing happened on here- you asked for advice, or to have a light moan about life, and we have all taken your need to be heard seriously, whereupon you row back from it and say jeez guys, I don't mean it!!!

Do you think there would be a way of asking for what you need clearly, and for that to feel OK for you - even if you simultaneously feel it's not a real need and want to undercut yourself? I suspect you'll find it unlocks bigger things for the way you show up in the world.

Not trying to patronise - I have the same problem, in fact currently resisting ending this message "This probably isn't helpful just ignore me!!" which is an example of me doing it, undercutting myself :)

Thepeopleversuswork · 23/08/2023 08:13

Olika · 22/08/2023 21:45

I have realised men need to be told/asked clearly that leaves no space for them figuring it out somehow

Is it the Y chromosome then?

This sort of attitude is what helps entrench these reductive sex roles. It’s not “men” in general it’s this particular man.

A man is not genetically more disposed to ignore communication than a woman. He has just been indulged by society. Although in all fairness it’s hard to know what the OP is talking about so it may not be entirely his fault.

Hibiscrubbed · 23/08/2023 08:24

Was the OP pissed?

FarmGirl78 · 23/08/2023 08:48

Readmyminddamnit · 22/08/2023 23:27

Jeez this was meant to be light hearted. I said I was unreasonable. I am not actually annoyed at him as I also said. He's a bloody lovely man and very much appreciated and he knows this.

I disabled voting because I don't like it. No other reason.

If so good saying you're being light-hearted, but behaviour like this affects others, not just you.

If he's a lovely man stop playing games and treat him with the respect he deserves. Poor chap probably can't figure out why you're narked at him so much and feels like he's walking on eggshells shells not knowing what he's done wrong.

Say what you mean. Mean what you say. It makes life so much easier.

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