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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Airline cannot accommodate disabled toddler

130 replies

ChangingTheNarative · 22/08/2023 15:49

Hi all,

I was wondering if anyone had any advice, I don't know if anyone will but it's always worth asking.

My son was diagnosed with a genetic disorder back in March (developmental delay, mild intellectual disability, autism and adhd) and he's currently on the ASD pathway.

We booked the long haul holiday in June and at that time we didn't know anything about his condition really or how it will affect him.

It's clear now he'll need a harness on the plane which the airline can provide but they have to be put on the backseats however they are booked so we can't have them which is fair enough.

We cannot take a forward facing car seat on and he won't fit in a rear facing one as he's the size of a 4 year old so they suggested a specialist restraint which is £3k (we can't pay this) and that's the only way around it.

I'm at a loss and don't really know what to do or what I can suggest to them.

I wanted to try and treat my son as normal as possible and take him on holiday but I'm thinking my only option may be to cancel?

I thought I'd ask here before I cancelled it though in case anyone has any ideas?

Im not sure what exactly but worth asking

Thank you so much.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
TropicalTrama · 22/08/2023 16:51

ChangingTheNarative · 22/08/2023 16:38

Thank you everyone! I've spoken to a really lovely man and he's sorted the back seats out but we just need to provide the harness ourselves so I'll look at the ones suggested.

Thank you so much everyone, I'm so relieved!

Amazing! I know people who use the CARES harness which is cheap but no experience of SEN so I wouldn’t want to recommend. I hope you find what you need and you have a lovely holiday.

Doveyouknow · 22/08/2023 16:56

I once rented a cares harness - cheaper then buying if you won't fly regularly. I used it on seat that wasn't at the back. I just asked the person behind if the minded. The strap went across the where their table folded back up but the table still closed so they didn't mind at all.

Loopyloooooo · 22/08/2023 17:01

Thewizardbinbag · 22/08/2023 15:54

When you booked, you obviously knew your child and what he could or could not handle. You booked the holiday so obviously had no worries about him on the plane. A diagnosis doesn’t change that. If you thought he’d be fine on the plane then why do you now think he will need a harness? What would you have done if he hadn’t been given a diagnosis, would you have realised he couldn’t manage the plane without outside input or would you have gone ahead with the holiday?

Aw you're just a lovely little ray of positive sunshine aren't you 😆

LondonPapa · 22/08/2023 17:02

ChangingTheNarative · 22/08/2023 15:59

I'm new to having a child with additional needs. I didn't know about all the assistance and things they offer or else I would have asked at the time of booking. Sometimes he can cope and other times he can't so it's difficult to judge.

The harnesses are available, it's just the seats that aren't which is fair enough - I could see if they can offer another flight and pay extra if needs be.

Show quote history

How far off is the flight and who with? The seats can absolutely be freed up. If BA can do it for a GGL, any airline can do it for a child with special needs.

OvertakenByLego · 22/08/2023 17:08

I second a Tryb4uFly assessment.

Some harnesses/specialist seating do need to be on the back seat for safety of the passengers behind. However, there are seats you can use elsewhere, so look at other seats. DS1 uses a stabilo or special tomato seat (without the strap around the seat, which isn’t a problem as it isn’t needed), the latter isn’t accepted by all airlines, sadly.

ImABox · 22/08/2023 17:11

That’s great, have a good holiday!

BellaJuno · 22/08/2023 17:11

I have no practical advice but just wanted to say I’m so pleased it’s sorted and ignore all the idiots who are making willfully ignorant comments. Enjoy your holiday!

cestlavielife · 22/08/2023 17:14

needtonamechangeforthis1 · 22/08/2023 16:13

@ChangingTheNarative would this work?

www.crelling.com/product/model-27-press-release/

Get the crelling

SauronsArsehole · 22/08/2023 17:24

I work for school transport and you can purchase 5 point harness that are attached to the seat (around the back with clips) that support a child to sit in the right position but are used with the proper seat belts for safety.

so you attach the harness to the seat, for the child into that, then use the seatbelt over the top.

google ‘fly safe harness’ specifically for planes. Double check you can use this on your plane though.

https://www.crelling.com/product/model-28-press/

this is similar to what we use on buses and reading it can be used in a car also so may be a good investment purchase for you.

postural support

Model 28 Press Release for Postural Support - Crelling Harnesses

Designed to offer postural-support and a certain degree of restraint to children and adults to keep them in an upright sitting position. The waist belt on this harness is fitted with a 'Press Release Buckle', for those passengers with inquisitive finge...

https://www.crelling.com/product/model-28-press/

SleepWhenAmDead · 22/08/2023 17:38

Have you got an occupational therapist? They often have good suggestions for this sort of thing xx

viques · 22/08/2023 17:39

ChangingTheNarative · 22/08/2023 16:38

Thank you everyone! I've spoken to a really lovely man and he's sorted the back seats out but we just need to provide the harness ourselves so I'll look at the ones suggested.

Thank you so much everyone, I'm so relieved!

Excellent news. Just to be on the safe side confirm everything that has been said to you ,and promised, in an email and make a paper copy in case your phone plays up. That way if anything goes wrong, which I am sure it won’t, you have something to show them .

Verbena17 · 22/08/2023 17:39

How old is your child? I’m guessing younger than 4 as you mention him being as big as a 4 yr old?

What about a normal reins type harness/body harness so he feels more secure. Does the airline allow a foam type bar thing that fits across the chair across his body?

FoodieToo · 22/08/2023 17:54

Some of the responses on this thread 😩!!

And OP has been nothing but nice and was blaming nobody .

So glad it worked out,OP , and hope you have a lovely holiday .

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 22/08/2023 17:56

Hope you have a wonderful holiday! 🛫💐

weirdoboelady · 22/08/2023 17:59

I am delighted this is sorted (although sad that it seems it will involve you in some additional expense) but just wanted to give you some practical advice.

  1. Keep that very helpfully provided CAA link somewhere safe. Thanks to the pp who provided it. To save you looking it up, it is https://www.caa.co.uk/passengers/prm/passengers-with-disabilities-and-reduced-mobility
  2. Sorry for the bad news, but you are probably learning this already - you are in for a lifetime of fighting for DS's rights. Sign up to things like https://www.disabilitynewsservice.com and prepare for battle! Disabled people are treated like poo in our society, I'm afraid. Also make sure you are registered as a carer and have a look to see what is out there to support you. You sound like a wonderful mum but remember to look after yourself as well x

Passengers with disabilities and reduced mobility | Civil Aviation Authority

Information about your rights and how to access special assistance

https://www.caa.co.uk/passengers/prm/passengers-with-disabilities-and-reduced-mobility

enchantedsquirrelwood · 22/08/2023 17:59

I'm glad you have it sorted. I thought it pretty unlikely that someone else would want the seats at the very back, they are usually the least popular because you can't recline them - unless they also had a similar need for them.

LovelyIssues · 22/08/2023 18:23

@Thewizardbinbag I'm wondering the same. When you booked OP you must have known your child had a disability? These aren't physical disabilities though so why the need for a harness? A diagnosis hasnt changed him/her.

Original poster
ChangingTheNarative · 22/08/2023 18:35

LovelyIssues · 22/08/2023 18:23

@Thewizardbinbag I'm wondering the same. When you booked OP you must have known your child had a disability? These aren't physical disabilities though so why the need for a harness? A diagnosis hasnt changed him/her.

Being unable to walk is quite physical.. I didn't realise he'd need help when I booked the holiday as mentioned his needs have changed and he needs to feel secure and struggles in public where as before he sort of withdrew instead of kicking off. The harness will help him feel secure and will ensure his safety.

Sorry I've missed a few responses but I'm going through them now. Thank you for the suggestions and the PPs who are being lovely. I'm gonna have a look at all suggestions but I've got the care one in my basket.

OP posts:
Notooserious · 22/08/2023 18:35

@LovelyIssues odfod - or rtft. OP has already explained that her son’s behaviour has changed since booking the flights. And don’t be so bloody sanctimonious.

Sirzy · 22/08/2023 18:38

I am assuming after the conversations with the airline you are but make sure your flying assit so you will get help at the airport and with boarding/disembarkation

Deathbyfluffy · 22/08/2023 18:53

SauronsArsehole · 22/08/2023 17:24

I work for school transport and you can purchase 5 point harness that are attached to the seat (around the back with clips) that support a child to sit in the right position but are used with the proper seat belts for safety.

so you attach the harness to the seat, for the child into that, then use the seatbelt over the top.

google ‘fly safe harness’ specifically for planes. Double check you can use this on your plane though.

https://www.crelling.com/product/model-28-press/

this is similar to what we use on buses and reading it can be used in a car also so may be a good investment purchase for you.

These would still need to be used on the back row only though, as it’s not fair to expect other passengers to forgo their infotainment system / table to accommodate.
I think that was the core issue 😊

socialdilemmawhattodo · 22/08/2023 19:04

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7eleven · 22/08/2023 19:05

Some ignorant feckers need to put themselves in the bin. Unpleasant for pleasure.

Glad you’re sorted, OP

Original poster
ChangingTheNarative · 22/08/2023 19:09

I'm not sure why people feel the need to comment negatively tbh yes his behaviour has changed in 6-8 weeks. One day he didn't withdraw like he normally would he had a meltdown, became overwhelmed and was difficult to soothe - it was horrible and unfortunately it's happening more as he's getting older. He's two years old and neurotypical toddlers are unpredictable and with his needs he is even more so and I'd like him to be safe on the plane and feel secure.

I don't know why I'm explaining myself but it's hard enough having a child with SEN and not knowing about the additional help places like airplanes offer and I already feel bad enough. I don't need kicking while I was down, luckily a very kind man helped us at TUI and a lot of lovely posters have given me loads of suggestions so thank you to those who have been nice.

OP posts:
PlasticineKing · 22/08/2023 19:11

A CARES harness goes on any seat and doesn’t affect the person behind. I used one before on an easyJet internal Uk flight. I got one on eBay second hand. It’s definitely an option!