I have an only child who I’m a single parent to.
I often invite their cousins from my side away with us. We’ve been abroad a couple of times with family members. I always extend the invite to their parent(s).
I have a cousin who was until recently also a single parent. They have 3 children and their new spouse also has 3.
I’ve always alternated taking the cousins DC away with us, I have taken all 3 with us but it’s usually 1 at a time. I also take my DNs 1 at a time (3 DNs, 1 is also an only).
Cousin has now said that if I don’t include their new stepchildren in holidays then my actual relatives (cousins DC) will no longer be able to go. I said fine, I won’t be taking the none related to me DC away so I’d just offer to take my DNs instead.
The wedding was the first time I’d met the step DC, they seemed nice DC but they’re not related to me. Cousins Spouse sees them 50% of the time, but doesn’t live with cousin because they can’t get a house big enough for 6 DC so whenever I go to cousins they’re not there. I've met the spouse a few times but never there DC in over 5 years they've been together.
Apparently this is disgusting and I should be including these DC as they’re now also my cousins DC. I am depriving my cousins DC of a holiday as well – some years they don’t go away at all especially with my cousin, although I don’t see it as my job to take them away. I pay for everything, they come as an extra child, company for my DC.
They have their own parents who they spend 50% of the time with. Their other parent was at the wedding, and the parent who married my cousin had siblings and DNs, and other cousins at the wedding so I don’t feel it’s my duty to take them away. My SIL (sibling-in-law) sometimes takes my DC away with them but if I remarried and had step DC I wouldn’t expect them to be included.
AIBU or do I need to include these new DC?