to have got into an argument over this comment

[fankley]

I have changed my name because know a couple of people at dcs school and don't want to out the person who made this comment.

Was talking to my dds friends mum who helps out with swimming at the school, getting the children changed (in the summer) She was talking about a girl in their class and said that she has a problem warming to this girl - there's something about her she doesn't like, and it's because when this girl was in the nursery class and getting changed for swimming, she'd walk about naked in front of the boys in a 'knowing' way, flaunting herself.

I pointed out that a 3 year old was hardly 'knowing' about nudity and asked her if she meant she had concerns in some way. She said no, she just meant that this girl was far too grown up for her age (at 3 -4) and she didn't like it.

I said that I really didn't know what she was getting at and she said 'you know, little girls who use their bodies to get male attention'.

Was shocked as felt this is a bizarre comment from someone who is a class helper and working with young children.

Aibu to be disturbed by this comment, or totally over reacting?

Just because she has said these things does not mean she was abused as a child. Less likely imo.

Pagwatch I suppose just because her dd is a very sweet little girl who adores my dd and asks her to come and play all the time (I say no more than I say yes, but find it hard to justify always saying no) They play nicely together - although dd prefers to have her come here - little girl prefers dd to go there!
It's awkward.

I think dd not keen because this mum is quite strict and bossy, nothing more sinister.

I don't think this woman is particularly well liked at all. I've often felt a bit sorry for her - but got really cross with her when she made these comments and snapped and now is tense and just wanted opinions on whether i'm over reacting. Good that i'm not.

She is possibly taking a very cynical view to what she saw. We all have different interpretations of the same situation. I have experience working in a forensic environment so tend to be cynical as a general rule. Although I personally would not make a comment like that about a 3yo girl. They don't understand prevaucative in the same way adults do, it's just innocent nonense to the child.
I would certainly be having a few words with the woman that made this comment if I were in your situation. It's innappropriate of her to make comments like this, almost insinuating something more sinister which is probably untrue/unfounded allegations.

fankley
my comments don't read well at all. Sorry.
I wasn't trying to suggest that you have been wrong in the past to let your DD play there.
My intention was to highlight reasons why you should perhaps retreat.
I would sertainly try to wriggle away now but I'm sorry it sounded as if you should have done before - clearly there was nothing too bothersome until this incident.

What if there's a domestic situation in this lady's home? Abusive husbands can be very controlling and manipulative and she could be parroting something that's been said repeatedly to her to justify something that's happening in her own home. Three year old girls do not "use their bodies to get male attention". Mine tries to use extreme cuteness to get biscuits, I don't think "male attention" is a priority for her.

dittany not neccesarily.

A friend of my parents DD was overtly sexual from around the age of &, extremely flirtatious towards men and it made my dad incerdibly uncomfortable. Her mother was well aware of it and it even made her question her DH as she feared sexual abuse.

I think in her case it was just a learnt behaviour, as her mum is the most flirtatious person I know, but it was definitly real, and quite disturbing to see.

She is an absolute terror now, aged 13. She got a 19 year old boyfriend whilst they were on holiday, and had lied and told him she was 17 (she could easily pass for it)

Oh God Colditz - that is just awful

This woman sounds like a nasty nutter: some people see Disgusting Sexiness everywhere (along with Evil Immigrants and Dangerous Homosexual Dogs): at best they are sily old fuckwits, at worst they are witch-hunters and window-smashers. Maybe a quiet word with someone else at the school you like and trust to the effect that 'madwoman has a bit of a stick up her arse about nudity, bet she keeps her underwear on in the bath...' ie keep it light but mention it to someone else. Before her poisonous mindset actually harms the children in her care.