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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband poked me three times and pinched me twice.

22 replies

hunyouok · 20/08/2023 22:50

Hi all

I've posted before about my H problem. Don't know if it was under a different username.

I'm so so so suicidal. Wish I could end it all right now tbh. The thought of dying is the only thing I have right now. Other than that all other options feel like an uphill battle.

As the title says. Please give feedback on your thoughts and sorry if it's all abit jumbled.

Went out with the kids today. Small kids usual BS it was hard as always. But it's 10x harder with H.

On way home we get in the car and he throws his coat at me! Im sat in the passenger seat. I look in shock and he acts like he's done nothing. I say get this coat off me! He then gets it off and puts in back while whacking me across the face with it. For context he is a true gaslighter and narcissistic. I was in shock. I said how dare you hit me in the face twice? He goes mental and says how is that your face and pokes me twice very hard on my face and pinched my thigh really hard too. I cried and cried. He did the usual dangerous driving. Until finally got home safe and I ran into my bed.

OP posts:
Domino20 · 20/08/2023 22:53

Why are you still with him? It's obvious from your wording that this is repeated behaviour.

Keyworks · 20/08/2023 22:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Tinkerbyebye · 20/08/2023 22:56

He assaulted you, phone the police, or leave and go and stay with friends

GrazingSheep · 20/08/2023 22:58

Contact Woman’s Aid or the police.

GEC44 · 20/08/2023 22:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Perhaps OP has nowhere to go, no means to leave and no support. It's not always as easy as 'just leave'.

MNHQ
LivMumsnet · 20/08/2023 23:01

Hello OP, we're really sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

Support from Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Thanks everyone.

Flowers

Domestic Violence Support Webguide | Mumsnet

A guide to information and services related to domestic violence. Find reliable organisations and support services here.

https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence

PosterBoy · 20/08/2023 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TLDRfuckers · 20/08/2023 23:02

Ignore the posters asking why you’re stick with him. Sorry this is happening to you OP. it really grinds you down doesn’t it.

have you got any space to think away from him and any chance to
make plans to get out of this relationship? Easier said than done I know.

do you have someone IRL to talk to that you can trust?

Aquamarine1029 · 20/08/2023 23:05

Your poor kids. No one is protecting them from this toxic shit show. You have got to pull yourself together, reach out for any help you can find, and get your children out of there.

Runnerinthenight · 20/08/2023 23:07

You need to get out of this. Contact Women's Aid xx

Dramatic · 20/08/2023 23:10

Op I think it would be a good idea for you to try and come up with a plan of how you can get out of this situation, there are charities and organisations that can help you. Does your DH work? Are you able to get in touch with these charities while he is out of the house and see what they can offer you?

You recognise that this is abusive behaviour and that you don't deserve it, that's the first step. Acceptance that this situation can't go on is the next step, then you need to start the process of getting you and your children away from him.

It will take a huge effort and strength of character on your part but do it on behalf of your kids if not yourself, you all deserve a better life.

Original poster
hunyouok · 20/08/2023 23:11

Thank you for the replies. For the ppl who have eluded to enabling behaviours. Please. Don't.
I am stuck. But I am intending on going. I have a nest egg and am making plans.

Currently I have no where to go and no one else to turn to.

He is an awful person. He has somewhere to go but won't leave.

Yes I feel sorry for my kids too and that is why I will be leaving.

The Mumsnet post. Sorry didn't even understand the last part about giving too much emotionally or financially? I'm looking for a hand hold. Support. And some ideas on how to get the hell out of here.

OP posts:
Original poster
hunyouok · 20/08/2023 23:12

And also he does work but recently started to wfh. Hence the unbearable living circumstances.

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 20/08/2023 23:16

hunyouok · 20/08/2023 23:12

And also he does work but recently started to wfh. Hence the unbearable living circumstances.

Sweetheart you are honestly not stuck, and posters here will support you in any way they can.

Here's a handhold xx

Aquamarine1029 · 20/08/2023 23:19

You are not stuck. You have the power to leave. Your children are the ones who are powerless. They need you to take action and get them out of there.

Museya15 · 20/08/2023 23:21

Poor girl, he sounds like an absolute horror. You don't deserve to be treated like that.x

Jennybeans401 · 20/08/2023 23:22

It's not always easy to leave an abuser when you have been gaslit for years and frightened. OP have you family and friends to help you? I worry your situation is very unsafe

ErrolTheDragon · 20/08/2023 23:28

But I am intending on going. I have a nest egg and am making plans.

Good!
Can I suggest you ask MNHQ to move this thread to the Relationships board, there are women who know a lot about how to deal with and escape from abusers there, whereas AIBU is liable to get a proportion of unhelpful posts. Just use report on any post to ask them if you want to do this.

OhcantthInkofaname · 20/08/2023 23:39

Do you have any physical injuries from his pokes or pinches? Please call a support line asap.

Dramatic · 20/08/2023 23:41

The first step is realising that this is abuse and you don't deserve to be treated like this, you've already taken that step so just try and think of your escape as small steps.

If you can safely do so try and get all of yours (and the kids) important documents and precious things that you wouldn't want to leave behind, put them in easily accessible places or in a hidden bag (if you can)

You can ask for help from a professional like a health visitor or GP who can signpost you to the right people, possibly get you in to a women's refuge etc. Don't give up op, it will be a huge effort and will take a massive strength of character for you to do it but you know you have to for the sake of your kids.

ASDMumof2 · 20/08/2023 23:50

Call the police, have him removed from the house.

Change the locks and seek a divorce. Ask the court for a protection order.

He doesn't deserve your time. You should then go live your life joyously.

xxx

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