I’m posting this under AIBU a) for traffic and b) because I don’t want people to think I’m trolling or mocking. I’m genuinely not and am actually quite scared so here for some reassurance I guess.
My question is, do you have a voice in your head that tells you what to do? And as a sub question, do you have a part of your head that thinks you are someone else?
Long story short, I have always been unorganised, chaotic, and prone to procrastinating. Therefore my house is a mess, my wardrobe is overflowing with clothes that don’t fit and my general appearance is shabby chic without the chic.
For as long as I can remember I have had this view that this isn’t how “normal” people are. But recently I’ve started noticing a voice in my head that tells me how to be normal.
Case in point, this morning, my son asked for some toast, I took the last two pieces of bread out of the bag, then just left the bag on the side. A really clear voice in my head said “Put the bag in the bin, for fuck’s sake, like NORMAL people do.” So I did.
I only seem to be able to think about how to do “normal” things if this voice is there, telling me off, almost. It’s never yet told me to do anything really bad (well once, 9 years ago, but that was due to a postnatal psychotic episode I was treated for) but I do occasionally get a very fleeting urge to drive into a wall or jump in front of a train, then it goes away again as quick as it appeared.
If the voice isn’t telling me to do something, I tend to procrastinate and do nothing, almost as if I don’t know WHAT to do. If I do something very mundane like load the dishwasher without being “told” to, I genuinely feel like I just won a gold medal at the Olympics, it feels like such an accomplishment to do something SO mundane, it’s ridiculous.
Also, though, I often get really, really strong feelings that I am someone completely different, living a completely different life. A while ago, a colleague mentioned she had gone to Halifax to see her mum.
I said “Ooh, lovely, I love Halifax.”
I have never been to Halifax in my life but for a fleeting moment I thought I had. I wasn’t just saying it, I thought it.
I then had to pretend I went years ago and don’t remember much about it so she didn’t ask too many questions.
I quite often see something expensive and think I might buy that at the weekend , but I’m on minimum wage and just about get by.
I daydream about the open top bus parade I’ll be on when I win the FA Cup, despite not being a professional footballer and being nearly 50 but I’m always surprised when 5 seconds later I realise the truth.
I walk down the street and sometimes in my head, I am expecting people to recognise me for my extensive TV work. I’ve never been on telly in my life. When I realise that, I’m then confused as to why I thought otherwise in the first place.
I know this all sounds a bit weird and possibly childish, but I have booked a GP appointment for this week because I take antidepressants for my sleep and my anxiety and need a review, but I thought I would post on here first to see if any of this is actually just normal and nothing to worry about? A friend of mine once said “You do realise there’s no such thing as normal and none of us are, don’t you?” I’m hoping she was right?