Am I an abnormal mother?

[JMSA]

I am a single parent to 3; two are teens and one is a young adult. All 3 live at home.
Let me begin my saying that I love my 3 very, very much. They are first and centre of my world, and I'd do anything for them. I'd describe myself as a kind, calm mum who is always there for them, and I'm pretty sure they'd say the same too.
But here's the thing. They are on holiday with their father, exactly halfway through a 2 week break abroad. And I don't miss them at all. In fact, I dread them getting back.
I am absolutely loving being on my own at home. This feels like the life I was supposed to lead. I come home from work, and our home is still tidy and clean. I haven't had to do a washing for days, nor worry about dinner. The dishwasher is nowhere near full. There are no demands on me. And I absolutely love it.

I think it's normal and natural to enjoy the break. This doesn't happen every year, not for two weeks anyway! But it's the not missing them that concerns me and makes me feel bad.
I honestly can't wait for them to leave home, now that I've had a taster of what this feels like.
My young adult is great, but the teens are bloody hard work. And it mostly all falls down to me. This isn't solely a question of chores though. I simply love being at home on my own.
I strongly suspect I'm menopausal, which probably doesn't help.
AIBU? I'm really hopeful that someone out there can relate, and that I'm not a total freak.
Thanks.

No it's not abnormal to get to the point where you dc are older teens/adults and you see a life beyond them. You've had a taster and good for you you've enjoyed it and aren't sitting there pining. Good for you!

When my dc were young I actually physically ached when I wasn't with them but now they're older I guess those hormones naturally wear off and time apart is much easier and yes, I love it.

Your dc are safe with their dad, you've fully relaxed and enjoyed time to yourself. I'm sure you WILL be happy to see them but you'll also be looking forward to their future holidays and the day they fly the nest and you can do more of what you want.

I know what you mean. When my dc went on holiday with their father I enjoyed the break. I didn’t sit there pining for them for those few days like people seem to think mothers should.
Mums are allowed to enjoy breaks and to fill that time with the things that they enjoy, even if that’s just relaxing in a nice clean tidy house all week.

I hear you!! One of my kids has been away for 7 weeks and although I love him it's been lovely to not have him here. The other one has also been away for a few weeks and is coming home today, although I'm looking forward to seeing him, I'm also a bit gutted at it breaking my peace!!

Mine are much younger but tbh, when they go to the grandparents for a few days I don’t miss them much either 🫣 The peace and quiet is too nice, especially when I know they are somewhere being spoiled rotten.

Oh I totally relate.

If I ever get the house to myself it is complete bliss.

They all went away for a few days last year and I honestly felt quite annoyed that it wasn't for longer.

Think I'm a person who generally likes a bit of solitude and space, and I don't get enough of that in normal day to day life.

I reckon when they've grown up and moved out I'll feel lonely though. Probably have to get more cats...

Thank you everyone. You've been very kind.

No I totally relate, I have three teens in the house and they’re really hard work, my youngest son is 16, he has ASD, the other 2 are 18 (son and his gf), they’re a handful too! But like you I love them deeply and would do anything for them!

I recognise your user name- you always post very kind, helpful comments, you seem like a lovely person. I wouldn’t recognise anyone else’s name 😍😍

It sounds like you're just enjoying the break to me.

Mine went away for three weeks a few years ago when the were primary school age.
I didn't miss them either and had a full blown existential crisis in the days leading up to them coming back because I knew what I was in far. The same grinding awful feeling of being trapped in a situation where there was very little room for me to be a person in my own right.
As it turned out, it was okay when they got back and we even had a 'honeymoon' period lasting around a week.
I'll never forget that feeling though of having to go back into captivity.

Oh my goodness, you have no idea how much you have made my day with this.
🩷

My kids are younger and dh has taken them camping this weekend. I have thoroughly enjoyed the peace and quiet and am not looking forward to them coming back and arguing and making a mess. I wouldn’t be without them but yes you should deffo enjoy the time without them while you can.

My favourite times of the day are when they are at school/work and I’m at home. I try not to leave the house when I have it to myself, just so I can enjoy the solitude.
Yadefinitelynu

No I think that's normal I have 4 and much younger than yours. I love them fiercely but never been away from them. Ever! So I thought when my eldest went away last year with school for 3 days. For the first time that I was going to miss him like mad and I felt awful that I didn't! I knew he would be having an amazing time and school would call me if he was upset or whatever. It made me happy that I could let go and let hi. Do these things and I won't be a big mess like others suggest you should. Sounds stupid, but I was proud of myself! And him. First time away and the first time was for 3 days. Never even a sleepover. No family or friends who are able to do over nights.

I actually think it's healthy that you feel like this . You're ready for when they do leave home. You're not going to be clingy when that time comes .

I think you've merely seen a glimpse of the future, and you're looking forward to it! I don't think there's anything wrong with that!

If your young adult is lovely, hopefully your other two will follow suit. The teenage years are pretty pants, but as you've seen from your older one, they do pass.

I think it's normal. I was away from home recently to support someone who needed support for a week. It was the first time I was away from me DC (teen and pre teen). I love them very much. But they are hard work. Both have disabilities (one is severely affected). I bawled my eyes out on the way home as I didn't wanna come back. I did not miss them a bit when I was away and I actually didn't even want to go back home.

Nope its perfectly normal. Its unlikely you will treat them like shit and make them feel unwelcome when they come home now is it? You will probably actually be glad to see their faces, but its ok to sigh deeply inside when the place is messy again or miss the quiet time of coffee in a quiet kitchen.
I love mine beyond words, but the quiet of the house with just DH and I, the peace of it, the no one pulling at me mentally all the time, god its a welcome break after 27 years of motherhood and them all in the house.
I love being with them, and I love when its just the 2 of us, and I love when its just me.
All situations are ok, all make up my life now.
I love being at this stage.

Perfectly normal. I've had to leave my young toddlers to look after a parent and even though the whole parent thing is massively horrible and stressful I almost feel as if I'm on holiday.

I guess most parents have a sigh of relief once their kids go to bed in the night. It's good to get a break and especially with older kids and being a single parents I assume you haven't had a break in a long time. Enjoy it while it lasts and don't feel guilty. You are still a fantastic and loving mum.

I fully expected to get slated for my post!
Sincere thanks again
Oh, and I love hearing your experiences too! It's reassuring to know that I'm not entirely alone with these feelings.

Your suppose to distance from fledglings, its normal or they would never learn to fly.

I used to love it when mine went away. I relished the peace, the freedom, the lack of mess.
It doesn't make anyone a bad parent.....just a slightly stressed parent enjoying temporary calm 🤣

I absolutely get you OP! DD14 has been away since early Fri afternoon & isn’t back til about 9 tonight & it’s been absolute bliss! I love her dearly but a lot of the time I don’t like her as her behaviour is so challenging. We are all being supported by the mental health team. The whole atmosphere in the house changes when DD is here & we sometimes feel we’re walking on eggshells

Thank you for this thread! I'm a single parent to 3 and feel the same if I get any (very rare) time to myself. I assumed it meant I shouldn't have had kids and meant I was a shit mum. So nice to know others have the same

I think it's normal to enjoy being a separate entity to your kids but not to actively 'dread' seeing them.

Well now that depends doesnt it.
My youngest was EXTREMELY challenging and her going anywhere meant I got a break and there were days I dreaded her coming back. The tension and upset was awful. She never knew i dreaded it though. Im perfectly normal and we have a really really close relationship now. I adore her just as i did when she was going through her tough times. Its normal to dread tension and upset in the house.