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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to end things before holiday?

42 replies

roughwavejule · 20/08/2023 07:56

I’m no longer attracted to my BF (32M). He’s very unmotivated, immature, and untidy. Last weekend, we bought enough spirits to make two different cocktails but I felt tired and wiped out after a long work week that we only opened one set of spirit and had two drinks each. When I arrived out this weekend, 2/3 spirit bottles were empty and I asked did he drink them all by himself and he said he was having “little tipples” in the evening. He also regularly (daily) smokes weed.

The sex has always been disappointing but I felt I liked him enough to look past it, but I really can’t! He’s very unfit and stops a lot. He keeps call me baby and girlfriend every second sentence i.e. “hi girlfriend, my beautiful girlfriend” and I get the absolute heebie jeebies from it!

We’ve broken up and made up too many times for a short relationship (5 months) but I’m at my widths ends and can’t bare to even be around him anymore. He’s in bed right now while I’m in the sitting room. Here’s my issue we have a non-refundable 7 day holiday booked next weekend and I think we tried to stay together for the sake of that but it’s just not working at all. I know it’s all one sided because he thinks it’s all sunshine and rainbows!

Last night he suggested getting a chinese but I had already ate and told him to order himself one. We pulled up outside the chinese and he asks me to pay for it as a treat for him!!!

I’m thinking of sending him a message (I could never do it in person because of the type of person he is and I genuinely wouldn’t know how to comprehend his tears or his potentially erratic behaviour), returning his share of the hotel, and letting him know that I really can’t do this relationship anymore. This was my holiday to begin with and he decided to join, I’m not stopping him from going but I rather we didn’t go together.

If I can’t even enjoy a night with him here, how can I enjoy 7 abroad?

OP posts:
Flowers94 · 20/08/2023 07:58

Dump him over text and just go on your own x

OrigamiOwls · 20/08/2023 07:58

Tell him before the holiday. Going on holiday together sounds like it would be excruciating

whitebreadjamsandwich · 20/08/2023 07:58

Fucking hell, yes dump him now - return his share of the money and enjoy a holiday to recover from this sh*theap of a 'relationship'. Take it you have all your travel booking info and he won't just be able to rock up?

00100001 · 20/08/2023 07:59

God leave now!

At 5 months it supposed to still be fun...not breaking up every other week and crap sex.

JMSA · 20/08/2023 07:59

End things NOW. It's not like the holiday would be enjoyable together anyway.

Morewineplease10 · 20/08/2023 08:02

Yep. Ditch and give him his money back. He can't just turn up can he?

Sounds like a man child. You owe him nothing!! Other than hol refund, minis the takeaway. What a cheeky fucker.

Original poster
roughwavejule · 20/08/2023 08:03

whitebreadjamsandwich · 20/08/2023 07:58

Fucking hell, yes dump him now - return his share of the money and enjoy a holiday to recover from this sh*theap of a 'relationship'. Take it you have all your travel booking info and he won't just be able to rock up?

He has his own boarding passes and only our return flight is the same as I fly out earlier. He has none of the apartment information but it’s a private let so I’m not worried about him showing up to the apartment! When we broke up the last time, he cancelled his annual leave and said he wouldn’t go on the holiday but then we “made” up and foolishly booked a non refundable apartment. The flights are non refundable but I’m really hoping he doesn’t go.

OP posts:
Clymene · 20/08/2023 08:05

Dump him by text and it's up to him if he wants to use his flight then. Hopefully he won't bother

rookiemere · 20/08/2023 08:11

Dump him but send him the cost of his flights and tell him you don't expect him to be there.

Original poster
roughwavejule · 20/08/2023 08:14

rookiemere · 20/08/2023 08:11

Dump him but send him the cost of his flights and tell him you don't expect him to be there.

He has his own boarding passes so I feel it is not my responsibility to reimburse him for his flights (£495) but I will refund him for his share of the apartment (£240) as I’m going to stay in it rather let it go to waste.

I feel it’s unlikely he will go on the holiday as he may be too cheap to book alternative accomdation and it would cost a minimum of £400 for a very shit room somewhere, on top of the airport car parking £80.

If I did reimburse him for his flights, he would probably use that money to find alternative acocmdation and go in spite!

OP posts:
Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 20/08/2023 08:20

Dump him and ask him if he would like you to pay him out for holiday or the other way around. I would offer to pay him out but don’t give him the money until after the holiday so if he just turns up he won’t get anything and you can use the money to stay elsewhere.

Beautifulsunflowers · 20/08/2023 08:21

Oh my goodness he sounds awful. You are worth so much more than that.
Ditch him today. Then you will have time to prepare for your solo trip! Or get a friend to come with you!
Is he in your house or are you in his? Start packing up his stuff if he’s at yours.

panko · 20/08/2023 08:21

Best to do it before really yeah

Original poster
roughwavejule · 20/08/2023 08:23

Beautifulsunflowers · 20/08/2023 08:21

Oh my goodness he sounds awful. You are worth so much more than that.
Ditch him today. Then you will have time to prepare for your solo trip! Or get a friend to come with you!
Is he in your house or are you in his? Start packing up his stuff if he’s at yours.

That’s the plan! A family member lives over there and I am staying with them for the first part of my holiday as I fly out before but I couldn’t stay for any longer as their living situation is very toxic at the moment. My plan was to buy him out of the apartment and have them stay with me for the 7 days.

OP posts:
Original poster
roughwavejule · 20/08/2023 08:24

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 20/08/2023 08:20

Dump him and ask him if he would like you to pay him out for holiday or the other way around. I would offer to pay him out but don’t give him the money until after the holiday so if he just turns up he won’t get anything and you can use the money to stay elsewhere.

I’m just going to send him the £240 rather give him the option. The apartment complex is opposite my family members so I know we would run into each other and I rather him have to find elsewhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
roughwavejule · 20/08/2023 08:26

Beautifulsunflowers · 20/08/2023 08:21

Oh my goodness he sounds awful. You are worth so much more than that.
Ditch him today. Then you will have time to prepare for your solo trip! Or get a friend to come with you!
Is he in your house or are you in his? Start packing up his stuff if he’s at yours.

I’m also at his house and I didn’t drive out so I feel a bit stuck here. The next bus isn’t until 1045 and my closest friend is away with her boyfriend.

OP posts:
Flufferblub · 20/08/2023 08:28

Good luck and enjoy your freedom op 💐

Clymene · 20/08/2023 08:29

Can you call a taxi to collect you? Take you to a pub so you can watch the football. Smile

rileynexttime · 20/08/2023 08:34

I’m thinking of sending him a message ,returning his share of the hotel, and letting him know that I really can’t do this relationship anymore.

yup, this

Summerrainagain1 · 20/08/2023 08:35

Break up with him and go on the holiday on your own.

It doesn't matter if he is awfulor you just think he is, you aren't into him so you should end it for both your sakes.

Dibbydoos · 20/08/2023 08:39

roughwavejule · 20/08/2023 08:14

He has his own boarding passes so I feel it is not my responsibility to reimburse him for his flights (£495) but I will refund him for his share of the apartment (£240) as I’m going to stay in it rather let it go to waste.

I feel it’s unlikely he will go on the holiday as he may be too cheap to book alternative accomdation and it would cost a minimum of £400 for a very shit room somewhere, on top of the airport car parking £80.

If I did reimburse him for his flights, he would probably use that money to find alternative acocmdation and go in spite!

Show quote history

@roughwavejule ive never seen 100% votung score on here before! Congrats.

You def need to break up with him.

You should be able to do a name change on flights, so is there a friend who you could go with instead?

If not, you have a bit of an issue cos he could catch the same flight as you and follow your taxi to the accommodation. If this is a risk, pre-book your seat and ask not to be seated near him - explain why to the airline.

Hoping it all works out OK.

PoliticallyIncorrectHitchling · 20/08/2023 08:41

Dont even worry about the money, dont bother with this person if you see no future. Dump him via text or as yo deem fit and go enjoy your freedom. Life is too short for shitty sex. Im flabbergasted he asked you to buy him food. I hope you didnt pay him money to do that

Totaly · 20/08/2023 08:47

Break up with him. Leave the apartment and go shopping/cafe to wait for the bus or get a taxi Refund the money and tell him Uncle/Brother/Dad/sister is going in his place - then block - all platforms and ignore.

Original poster
roughwavejule · 20/08/2023 09:05

Clymene · 20/08/2023 08:29

Can you call a taxi to collect you? Take you to a pub so you can watch the football. Smile

I tried and there’s none! He lives very rural and to my own place in town it’s £80. It’s never an issue to get a taxi from mine to here but always an issue trying to get one from here & I don’t know any local numbers.

OP posts:
Original poster
roughwavejule · 20/08/2023 09:09

Dibbydoos · 20/08/2023 08:39

@roughwavejule ive never seen 100% votung score on here before! Congrats.

You def need to break up with him.

You should be able to do a name change on flights, so is there a friend who you could go with instead?

If not, you have a bit of an issue cos he could catch the same flight as you and follow your taxi to the accommodation. If this is a risk, pre-book your seat and ask not to be seated near him - explain why to the airline.

Hoping it all works out OK.

Show quote history

None of my friends or family have any time off work to go, I have tried to find someone to jump in before with more notice but never had any luck 😭. However, I do have a family member who lives exactly opposite the apartment complex I’ll stay in so I can meet up with them and have some time alone.

Our flights out are different thank god. It’s only the return flight that’s the same and we would be opposite each other in aisle seats so it could be okay. I’d get the bus home from the airport whereas he would drive.

Again, I don’t think he’s going to pay for his own accomdation & airport parking but there’s always that chance he could.

OP posts: