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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you never moved out of your home town

84 replies

Isawarmbreezeasantana · 19/08/2023 22:14

What is life like?

Do you still go to the same pubs you’ve always gone to, socialise with the same friends, do you know people you went to school with?

What is it like? Why did you stay?

OP posts:
Zanina · 20/08/2023 23:54

Thewallsof · 19/08/2023 22:44

The tone of your op is really smug and unpleasant. I'm not sure if this intentional, but if not it is worth reflecting on how you come across.

What are you actually on about? There is nothing wrong with the op. They're asking because they're wondering about what they're missing. Literally nothing wrong with the way they have asked.

HamBone · 20/08/2023 23:58

What I’ve noticed is you can’t slag anyone off as they all know/married/fucked/divorced each other.

@howrudeforme Where we currently live is like that too, you have to be really careful as everyone’s somehow connected. 🤣

IHateLegDay · 21/08/2023 00:00

@SpinalFap12 I had no idea that Newcastle had all that in it! I'll have to pay it a visit one day 😊

Babyroobs · 21/08/2023 00:00

I live in the same village I grew up in but have moved away for around ten years then moved back here when we came back from living abroad. It is a bit boring but my elderly dad lives here and we need to be here for him. It was a bit odd my kids going to the same school I had gone to etc. I do occasionally go to the same pub that I went to as a teenager !

Zanina · 21/08/2023 00:01

Hi OP, I moved from the North down to Wales. I miss home every day. I wonder how it would be like to bump into old friends from school. I wonder what my life would have been like there but I know I wouldn't have what I have gained by moving (marriage). I imagine most of my school friends have left our home town, other friends got married and moved too. But I miss my family and relatives, and everything there. I can even feel the air, feels so familiar and feels like home. When I took my son to his first day of nursery, I felt sad that my roots are being sown here. I wanted him to go to the nursery I went to. I didn't know I'd feel like that I but I did. But I'm adjusting still, I'm sure I will settle again but I'm not amongst my people and my beautiful home town like I want to be. And I think ill always feel sad about it.

UsingChangeofName · 21/08/2023 00:14

What is life like?

Great. But not because I still live where I grew up, much more because I put a lot of time into friendships and volunteering and 'living life to the full'. I also have a positive attitude which I think helps. I feel my life is good at the moment because of family, work, housing, finance etc, not because of geography.

Do you still go to the same pubs you’ve always gone to

Well, no, because 40 years ago life was different. Some of the pubs have closed. Almost all of them turned into places to eat, rather than places you'd go for a drink. That is one way life evolved. Then your own life changes from when you were young, free and single and would meet your crowd in the pub regularly, to people starting families, and priorities changing.

{Do you} socialise with the same friends

Some, sometimes. Some friends moved away. Some you just drift away from as you grow in different directions. Over the years, you meet lots and lots of new people through work, study, hobbies, volunteering, neighbours (in different houses), dcs' schools and hobbies, and so forth. Some of them become friends. Some really good friends, and many 'friends of that time'.

do you know people you went to school with?

Well, I do keep in touch with quite a few, but none of them live locally anymore.

What is it like?

Busy. So much going on.
Nice to have so many different communities.
Great place to live.

Why did you stay? I did my degree here, and was then offered a job here. After that you put down roots that become harder and harder to move. But, why would I want to? I like living in a vibrant, lively City.

Dramatic · 21/08/2023 00:16

I had a kid at 17, my parents live here, it's never crossed my mind to leave.

Deadringer · 21/08/2023 00:26

I live 5 minutes from my childhood home, as does my husband. I would have been open to living somewhere else but glad it didn't happen as it's a great place to live. Near the city, near the sea, and not too far from the countryside. Most of the pubs and clubs from my youth are long gone, and I have a couple of childhood friends but thats it. I love holidays and travel, but I am always happy to head home.

LoveMySituation · 21/08/2023 00:47

This isn't where I was born, or lived as a child. But it's where I've spent the longest, from teen upward.

In the meantime, I have moved away. But now I'm back, like a pp said, it feels strange that the same places, people even, are here, and in between, you've had a whole different life. And you're different, but the place is the same. Yet that time has gone forever.

I've never liked this town. I've come to realise that it's the exact opposite of me, the person I am, and would want to be(I know where I will go next, and it is more aligned with me) I stayed because along with family reasons, honestly, I drifted and always told myself that I would have a proper think about what I wanted 'tomorrow/any other excuse. And of course, by not making a decision you are, and then it's too late.

I know no one here, everyone i knew at both school and college moved away at first opportunity and never came back, and I feel so embarrassed and full of shame about being here anyway, and how my life has turned out, I want to avoid everyone anyway.

The only thing that keeps me going is the thought I can go someday, and never come back

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