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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you never moved out of your home town

84 replies

Isawarmbreezeasantana · 19/08/2023 22:14

What is life like?

Do you still go to the same pubs you’ve always gone to, socialise with the same friends, do you know people you went to school with?

What is it like? Why did you stay?

OP posts:
evilharpy · 19/08/2023 22:41

I moved away for nearly 20 years but came back to my home town last year with a husband and child in tow. I'm glad to be back, but I know that leaving was definitely the right thing to do. If I'd stayed I'd have been bored shitless but I'm at a time in my life that I wanted to be closer to my wider family and we are all very happy here.

I'm still seeing the same faces I saw 20 odd years ago. Funny enough a lot of people I know who moved away around the same time as I did have also come back recently.

Original poster
Isawarmbreezeasantana · 19/08/2023 22:42

Do you ever bump into people from school, that you haven’t seen since school? Is it weird?

OP posts:
Hibernatalie · 19/08/2023 22:42

I don't go to the same pubs or see the same people apart from one or two close friends because my life is completely different now. Married someone who is from elsewhere and we moved back here after Uni. Now have 2 kids and full time jobs - just a different lifestyle completely. It's nice being close to my parents and sister (until she recently moved away!)

1983Louise · 19/08/2023 22:42

I've never wanted to move as I like living near my family, I've the same friends for 40 years and enjoy making new ones. I live in the Midlands, don't have the coastline close by but the Cotswolds and Peak district are just over 1.15 hours away. Birmingham airport is 25 mins so great for holiday flights, we go into Birmingham for a day/night out. Why would I want to leave, I've everything I love here 😊

Sparrowandball · 19/08/2023 22:42

I now live back where I grew up but I have lived abroad and in other counties here in between. For me the familiarity is a comfort and also a bit stifling. It's a beautiful place and very fortunate to have been able to get onto the housing ladder here, but it's strange seeing the same people, same places as if nothing has changed even though time has passed and you've experienced all sorts. I feel a bit like I'm a teenager again, the same sort of emotions associated with places even though now I don't actively view them the same way I did back then. Its nice to be around family and friends I've known most of my life though, quite a few have stayed here or travel back regularly.

LuckyCats · 19/08/2023 22:43

Thought about leaving but had my son young and ended up single parent so needed my family for support and for my dc to see dad, he’s not from round here but has stayed now because ds.
have a mixture of friends, 2 best friends I’ve had since school, other friends from school I still see, new friends I’ve made through kids school and work.
My partner went to the same school as me we didn’t know each other then but know lots of the same people.
I like it here, city so plenty going on things to do, my house is close to countryside so best of both.
Would not be able to leave now because my mum sisters and grandparents all need support in different ways.
i wouldnt want to be far away from my family.

Beezknees · 19/08/2023 22:43

Isawarmbreezeasantana · 19/08/2023 22:42

Do you ever bump into people from school, that you haven’t seen since school? Is it weird?

Occasionally, it's a big town though. Not weird at all!

mykookachew · 19/08/2023 22:44

Isawarmbreezeasantana · 19/08/2023 22:42

Do you ever bump into people from school, that you haven’t seen since school? Is it weird?

Rarely, because the people from school who live here always have done so you get used to seeing them around - in the supermarket/doctors/pubs etc. What I do find odd is that there are a few people I've known since school who definitely still live here, yet I never see them at all!

Thewallsof · 19/08/2023 22:44

The tone of your op is really smug and unpleasant. I'm not sure if this intentional, but if not it is worth reflecting on how you come across.

Mamofteenager · 19/08/2023 22:44

Yes I stayed, I love it. Have a good support network with family which is obviously a bonus with DC. My friendships are over 25 yrs (I'm 40) I love them, they are my people and always there for me as I am for them. The pubs etc are still standing but have changed and evolved with the times and are a good night out

jeremyclarkson1960 · 19/08/2023 22:45

Beezknees · 19/08/2023 22:26

Because I had a baby when I was 18 so I never had an opportunity to go elsewhere. I have a housing association property and no way would I give it up (lifetime tenancy) so the only way I could move is if someone exchanged with me and it's a third floor flat in a not very desirable area so I doubt there would be much interest.

I do still have the same friends I went to school with, they're brilliant people.

This is a scary prospect

Original poster
Isawarmbreezeasantana · 19/08/2023 22:47

@evilharpy Thats really interesting, do you find you’ve picked up with old friendships or have you had to start all over again with it? Do you feel happy there again and can I be nosey and ask how old you are?

OP posts:
LuckyCats · 19/08/2023 22:48

Would not been seen dead In some of the dives I used to frequent as a late teen early twenties but there are loads of nice enough pubs cafes type places my side of town which admittedly is one of the nicer ends.
city has changed loads in 20 years and feels nicer now over all bar the obvious rough spots.

ASoapImpressionOfHisWifeWhichHeAte · 19/08/2023 22:49

I moved away from my part of London for uni and stayed away for a while but then came back. Met DH who wasn't local, but we decided to settle where I grew up. I like it; family are close and yes, I have a fair few friends I went to school with. Don't drink anymore but no, don't go to the same pubs and stuff I went to as a teenager- tend to go to other (better) places or to other places in the city. I'm very happy.

I had a long term relationship as a younger woman with a guy living around 150 miles from his home town. He pined for things from his area and did miss some family and friends but seemed to feel it would be a weakness to move back. All a bit weird. If he's reading, I hope he went back to Derbyshire!

Original poster
Isawarmbreezeasantana · 19/08/2023 22:49

@Thewallsof 🤷🏻‍♀️In what way

OP posts:
Cucucucu · 19/08/2023 22:50

Thankfully no ! My life moved so much more than most of my school colleagues

Karwomannghia · 19/08/2023 22:52

I still see several friends from
school and a lot of us had kids at the same time and they went to the same schools. We have a lot of history together. We’re in a city but in a really nice area of it. Yes I do occasionally see people I went to school with but am not still friends with and it’s nice to see them. I have also made friends with others through work, baby classes and school but my closest are my old school friends. Also have family nearby. Whenever I go out I bump into someone I know. My dh isnt from here originally though but he’s become good friends with some of my friends dhs even after they’ve split!
Where I live though, there are a lot of incomers too and they are welcomed! I do dream about moving to Cornwall one day though!

Nat6999 · 19/08/2023 22:53

I've nearly always lived in the same postcode, except for a couple of years when I lived 25 miles away with late dp. I always shopped at the same shops my mum shopped at when I was young or still lived at home & always went in the local pubs & cafes.

Nat6999 · 19/08/2023 22:53

I've nearly always lived in the same postcode, except for a couple of years when I lived 25 miles away with late dp. I always shopped at the same shops my mum shopped at when I was young or still lived at home & always went in the local pubs & cafes.

MrsRebeccaCobb · 19/08/2023 22:55

@Isawarmbreezeasantana

FYI

Thewallsof is a troll. I wouldn't even bother replying. I've seen this poster come up multiple times now, she/he just picks apart any thread for fun

Thewallsof · 19/08/2023 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Isawarmbreezeasantana · 19/08/2023 23:00

@MrsRebeccaCobb Ah ok, thank you for the heads up 💜not nice, will ignore.

My intention wasn’t to be smug at all, I pine for my *old life fairly often these days and wonder how life would have gone if I’d stayed, would I have been happier, I don’t know. I’m just interested to hear from others and how life went.

OP posts:
Blueroses99 · 19/08/2023 23:05

The place I grew up is a really nice place to live. I moved away for university but moved back. I want to be close to my family. My school friends don’t live here anymore but some of their parents still do so they turn up sometimes. Through my 20s I was commuting to London so my weekday life was there. Now with DC, I’ve made more local friends and it is lovely to be part of a community. I don’t go to the same pubs but I see the town changing all the time. My DH is not from here but chose to move across as it was nicer than his home town.

Thisismeyeah · 19/08/2023 23:09

Interesting post and one I have thought about recently. I do think it makes a difference where you live. On holiday there was a carnival and everyone knew everyone. Think medium sized country village. They probably all went to the same school or were in some way connected to somone who did go there. All drink in the same handfull of pubs and likely are often connected through work in some fashion. It was quite nice watching everyone get on and all knowing each other, but the gossip must be rife!

I grew up in a town which i still live in but its suburban and so my postcode is different and children go to different schools to me and to a lot of my friends. There is literally hundreds of pubs to choose from. I do bump into people I know or recognise all the time but just a friendly Hi or simular is suffice. My closest friend is one from school in the same year but a lot of our other joint friends are not and my other close friends are not connected as they moved into the area. I like that I can hide amongst the masses. If I moved it would eventually be the same as it is now as you make new friends.

Tangledbaby · 19/08/2023 23:09

I moved to the other side of the UK.

I grew up in a small expensive village/town and 90% of them have all stayed and married other local people we went to school with.

Whenever I visit family back there I cannot wait to leave. All my feelings of childhood unhappiness and feeling trapped come flooding back. I didn’t fit in there. I am flamboyant and need the option of being able to meet new friends/people.

I don’t feel comfort when I visit the same pubs and see old school friends sat in the same seats. Brings back bad feelings. Everything is the same yet so different! It’s unsettling for me. It’s like I’ve lived a whole other life and travelled back in time to the same people except they are now older.

I live in a city now however DP has always lived here as has his family. I have lots of friends here too.

I do love having so many close friends and his family close by I can see whenever. So because of that I assume that those who stay in the same place probably have had happy childhoods where they ‘fit in’ and so don’t feel the need to move away and have the same happy feeling I have now where I am.

I guess if I had a happy childhood and the area ‘fit’ my personality then I could see why you would stay where you are.