Page 3 | DD12 smoked cannabis

Mikaylaschofield · 2023-08-19T17:59:06+00:00

And I am in bits. She went to meet some friends and apparently someone had it and she says she had 2 puffs. I knew straight away by looking at her so not sure if she’s being honest about what she had. is there anything I need to do? I’m worried about her health is there any chance she could get unwell or would it would have passed now ?

Original poster

Mikaylaschofield · 19/08/2023 21:08

WetBandits · 19/08/2023 20:19

Sounds like classic peer pressure, bless her. Felt like she had to have a couple of puffs to ‘fit in’ with her friends but didn’t necessarily understand how it might make her feel! Bet it’s the only time she’ll ever do it, too.

She’ll be fine, albeit probably a bit emotional, hungry and thirsty this evening and will sleep like a log tonight, but there won’t be any immediate or ongoing risks to her health from a couple of puffs on a joint. She probably is being honest about it being two puffs, I’ve tried it a couple of times and felt the effects after 2-3 puffs so didn’t have any more, and I was a lot older than 12. Any more than a couple of puffs at 12 and I imagine she would probably have been sick.

Punishment wise, that is obviously your call as she’s your DD but I would cut her a little slack as she’s young and impressionable and did it to try and fit in. Also, she came clean to you so that ought to count for something. A long chat (best had tomorrow when she’s back to herself) about making better decisions, being choosy who she socialises with in future and learning how to say no or ask you for help to get her home if she doesn’t feel able to speak up for herself.

Sorry you’ve had such a nasty shock!

Thank you for this advice. I’m at a loss don’t want her to think this is ok but at same time I want her to be able to tell me and speak to me! Help where is the instruction book

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Original poster

Mikaylaschofield · 19/08/2023 21:11

Blanketpolicy · 19/08/2023 20:30

She will be fine tonight.

But you do need to let her know, tomorrow, in no uncertain terms how utterly disappointed you are in her decision making, you thought she was more mature and switched on and knew drugs were for losers.

Don't lose your cool, but make it clear. I tend to take ds out the house for these types of conversations, a car drive somewhere and/or a walk.

Then it is education, teaching her about the dangers, the damage drugs do to lives, getting her to explore and be honest about why she did it, explore what type of person does she want to be, having the confidence to say no thanks and if friends don't accept that to find some better friends.

Thank you yes this! I thought I had but obviously need another way she said she didn’t want to but they were calling her a pussy and etcc
i have really had a long think about the circumstances she was in and how I can prevent that. It seems to be to be all about the right friends and I thi j perhaps I have been a little to trusting. I had a gut instinct about one of them as I know the family but the thought I was wrong !

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Original poster

Mikaylaschofield · 19/08/2023 21:12

Also fyi I have learnt tonight there are pages that advertise selling drugs this is how some kids get it it’s all in code though

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Notquitegrownup2 · 19/08/2023 21:20

You said she wanted out and wanted to call you but couldn't. I set up a system with my DSs that if they ever texted me Zzz I would know to phone them and say that there was an emergency at home - Grandparent in hospital - and that I needed to come and collect them. They could easily text that quickly. We used it once and it worked well. HTH

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 19/08/2023 21:23

We had the same system as above for DS and will do for DD

Blanketpolicy · 19/08/2023 21:48

Mikaylaschofield · 19/08/2023 21:11

Thank you yes this! I thought I had but obviously need another way she said she didn’t want to but they were calling her a pussy and etcc
i have really had a long think about the circumstances she was in and how I can prevent that. It seems to be to be all about the right friends and I thi j perhaps I have been a little to trusting. I had a gut instinct about one of them as I know the family but the thought I was wrong !

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Those years are hard, ds was in similar situation, not with drugs but with friends over doing alcohol in parks and getting into bother type thing - he was the follower.

Keep talking and let her know although you might be cross sometimes you are allowed to be because you love her unconditionally and your priority is her, but calling home will ALWAYS be safe and you will be proud she has the maturity and smarts to do that. Watch out for when she makes good decisions and tell her you are proud of her and they way she approached it.

Ds thankfully drifted towards a different set of friends (away from the "cool" kids) more like him and still has those same tight group of friends now at 19. They all have their heads screwed, look out for each other and others and also have a lot of fun.

Original poster

Mikaylaschofield · 19/08/2023 22:27

Blanketpolicy · 19/08/2023 21:48

Those years are hard, ds was in similar situation, not with drugs but with friends over doing alcohol in parks and getting into bother type thing - he was the follower.

Keep talking and let her know although you might be cross sometimes you are allowed to be because you love her unconditionally and your priority is her, but calling home will ALWAYS be safe and you will be proud she has the maturity and smarts to do that. Watch out for when she makes good decisions and tell her you are proud of her and they way she approached it.

Ds thankfully drifted towards a different set of friends (away from the "cool" kids) more like him and still has those same tight group of friends now at 19. They all have their heads screwed, look out for each other and others and also have a lot of fun.

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Thank you it is so hard. I call her every hour when out have life 360 on etc. she picked up every time today for the 4 hours she was out. I thought I was on it but it’s given me a big shock. Your right.
even today I told her I am proud she told me I made her sit with me tonight and she told me she thought I’d go mad. I told her what good will shouting do I love her, however I do have to take steps to protect her as she is my baby and my job is to protect her from all this. I feel so so sad this has all happened. Looking back she has been going towards a bad crowd and now it’s my job to pull it back. And I will.
gonna join us both at the gym and do some more fun stuff. Iv been working this week, my mums in hospital and I really need to focus on her now she needs me so much.
x

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Original poster

Mikaylaschofield · 19/08/2023 22:28

I am going to take the line of making her feel extra loved, taken care of and understood but at the same tome
getting tighter on things and what’s she’s doing so hopefully it won’t feel all horrible for her. Just booked her in for sports clubs for the 3 days I’m working next week x

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Original poster

Mikaylaschofield · 19/08/2023 22:29

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 19/08/2023 21:23

We had the same system as above for DS and will do for DD

Thank you. We had a similar system but it wasn’t clear or concrete enough. I will
learn from this x

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Original poster

Mikaylaschofield · 19/08/2023 22:37

Any ideas on hobbies that mums and daughters can do together that teenagers like?

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brokenlore · 20/08/2023 00:17

Mikaylaschofield · 19/08/2023 22:37

Any ideas on hobbies that mums and daughters can do together that teenagers like?

Get the American girl book 'just mom and me' really lovely ideas in there.

brokenlore · 20/08/2023 00:24

Ideas from the book include a pamper evening, where you make your own beauty products such as avocado face masks, do an at home movie night, find some clothes from a thrift shop for each other to wear and then model (I think that was one of their ideas, can't quite remember, but dd and I giggled for several hours at the daft outfits!) and loads more activities most of which don't cost any money.

SquishyGloopyBum · 20/08/2023 06:20

Mikaylaschofield · 19/08/2023 22:37

Any ideas on hobbies that mums and daughters can do together that teenagers like?

My advice would be to not smother her.

She's your baby but she's an adolescent, wanting to be a grown up. Encourage her but in the right way, and away from the needing to be in the drug taking 'cool gang.'

Don't go OTT with mum and daughter hobbies. I'd have hated that as a kid and it would have pushed me further the other way.

It's a tricky one to balance!

KimberleyClark · 20/08/2023 06:44

She's your baby but she's an adolescent, wanting to be a grown up.

FFS, 12 is not an adolescent. Not even a teenager. She’s a child.

SquishyGloopyBum · 20/08/2023 07:01

KimberleyClark · 20/08/2023 06:44

She's your baby but she's an adolescent, wanting to be a grown up.

FFS, 12 is not an adolescent. Not even a teenager. She’s a child.

Wow, I never thought saying age 12 was an adolescent would have provoked such a reaction.

By the way the WHO define it as being between 10-19.

She is young and I hate drugs. But equally she's growing up. It's really important OP nurtures and not smothers because it could do the opposite.