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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my high sex drive on holiday is telling me something?

38 replies

highsexdriveonhol · 19/08/2023 18:16

NC for this post.

Back story...usually I normal life my sex drive is fairly low - I can take it or leave it once a week max whereas DH wants it 2-3 times a week.

I'm usually stressed and not overly happy in my daily life.

I've come away for a short break and have been so happy - no stress and feel on cloud nine all day and night. I've never felt this happy.

So much so we are having sex every day.

Is this normal - as in is it unrealistic to feel this much disparity in your happiness when on holiday?

I know it isn't normal to feel like you're on holiday all year round but this difference is staggering and it's making me think maybe I need to change something when I'm home - but I don't know what.

I have no kids, very stressful job but not one I can or want to walk away from. But being miserable is rubbish! Help?

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 19/08/2023 18:17

Smell of sunoil always gets me going

category12 · 19/08/2023 18:19

Well, sounds like the job is your main issue. Maybe you do need to look at what you're doing in case of burn out.

continentallentil · 19/08/2023 18:21

That’s a big difference

Work out how to manage your stress levels better - with a counsellor or coach if needed. Also schedule sex and time off.

Original poster
highsexdriveonhol · 19/08/2023 18:23

@continentallentil we tried scheduling sex once a week but when it gets to the day I find an excuse - and am usually feeling so tired or miserable or both I just don't want to be touched.

OP posts:
Original poster
highsexdriveonhol · 19/08/2023 18:24

Very rarely have time off. This is probably the issue but having time off is difficult and I end Up working even days off.

I also have no one to do things with when I have time off so I don't bother

OP posts:
Original poster
highsexdriveonhol · 19/08/2023 18:24

I honestly think my cortisol levels must be through the roof most of the time it's not good

OP posts:
ChesCazza · 19/08/2023 18:26

It's your job. It sounds like your miserable.

You don't need to leave straight away. I'm making plans to leave my nightmare job. Realistically I'm stuck for another 3 years but even having that as an end point makes such a difference to my mental health.

Original poster
highsexdriveonhol · 19/08/2023 18:27

@ChesCazza it is my job. I can't and don't want to leave it though. I just need to make changes to it I think.

I really need to refocus when I get home and make a plan.

Does anyone have suggestions of how to manage a stressful job?

OP posts:
itsmyp4rty · 19/08/2023 18:35

Why can't/don't you want to leave it?

CandyLeBonBon · 19/08/2023 18:38

I'm the same op. Holidays are an absolute game changer!

Original poster
highsexdriveonhol · 19/08/2023 18:38

@itsmyp4rty because there's things about it I enjoy and it's not practical on any level to leave.

OP posts:
Original poster
highsexdriveonhol · 19/08/2023 18:39

@CandyLeBonBon glad it's not just me!

Do you know why you feel this way?

Have you done anything to change things?

I just find life at home so mundane it's a joke. I don't even think it's me - surely most people feel the same.

Taking out the bins cooking dinner with very little fun in between. I live in a boring town it just sucks

OP posts:
TheOnlyAletheia · 19/08/2023 18:40

You either need to find a way of managing it within the job, or you compartmentalise between work/home better and are able to detach or leave. No job is worth that level of stress and I speak as someone who has worked in an extremely stressful environment for many years.

Middlelanehogger · 19/08/2023 18:42

Keep an open mind and consider alternatives like quitting your job and going to another company in the same industry, or a part-time version.

Do you know what it is about your job that's making you feel stressed? Particular people? Particular types of cases/projects? Long hours/commute? Difficult subject matter e.g. you are a murder detective / cancer nurse...?

Amethys · 19/08/2023 18:42

Yes. This is why people pay a fortune for holidays.

itsmyp4rty · 19/08/2023 18:44

It sounds like even when you're not working you're not really enjoying yourself at all. Do you have any hobbies or interests you could do more of? What about days out to the theatre or museums, art galleries or gardens- even if you have to drive an hour or two to get there. Could you book some weekend breaks to nice European cities if taking a week off isn't always practical?

What area do you work in?

CandyLeBonBon · 19/08/2023 18:44

highsexdriveonhol · 19/08/2023 18:39

@CandyLeBonBon glad it's not just me!

Do you know why you feel this way?

Have you done anything to change things?

I just find life at home so mundane it's a joke. I don't even think it's me - surely most people feel the same.

Taking out the bins cooking dinner with very little fun in between. I live in a boring town it just sucks

I have a stressful life although I love my job. A week in the sun (that I've saved up for and looked forward to) is a week where I'm allowed to pause all normal stresses. Work, education issues, medical issues, ongoing difficulties with ex, endless management of kid issues, dealing with finances etc - all pauses for a week and the freedom from responsibility is exhilarating. A weight temporarily lifts and it's joyous!

Changethenamey · 19/08/2023 18:45

Is your job very ‘peopley’ ie do you have contact with people all day? I can often feel touched out/socially exhausted which puts me right off any sexual contact because I just want to be left alone!

Original poster
highsexdriveonhol · 19/08/2023 18:48

@Changethenamey yes it's too peopley. It's exhausting, I have clients, people to manage it's relentless. Someone wants to talk to me every. Minute. Of the day. So much so I'm burned out and don't want to talk to family or friends on the phone anymore I've become somewhat a recluse because of it. I don't want to socialise out of work.

I don't want to talk to anyone

OP posts:
wheresthesungone · 19/08/2023 18:51

You've got no kids, the worlds your oyster. You don't have to be miserable and stuck in a job that ties you down.
If you're struggling with working and maintaining a sex life when you don't have kids that indicates that it's completely the wrong job for you.

Original poster
highsexdriveonhol · 19/08/2023 18:56

@wheresthesungone I agree but then I think I'm being ungrateful and entitled at times. I also think is it me or is it the choices I'm making? What if I make changes and am still miserable?

I also cannot and don't want to leave my job please understand me when I say this! I just need to find ways to change things - any suggestions?

OP posts:
princesslouloubananahammock · 19/08/2023 19:03

So I have noticed something similar.... however are you sure it's just work?

My sex drive through the floor.... literally never in the mood .
I was working full time, in non stressful job but also doing most of the drudge around the house and the mental load.

I was made redundant in the spring... took my sweet time getting a job. But without the constant stress of working and wife work... and a bit of time to myself (when dd is at school!) my sex drive has come back!

Will be interesting if when I start working again in a few weeks if things go back as they were....

cittigirl · 19/08/2023 19:06

No job is worth the amount of stress that affects your whole life so much. There surely must be something you can do. It must be miserable for your DH too, what does he say?.

Takeabreather23 · 19/08/2023 19:15

i don’t think you should schedule time for sex.
start with talking your time off abs using it wisely and no emails or anything work related on that period of time say fri 5pm to Monday 9am
make time for walks dinner dancing the gym hobbies reading anything you abs your dh if he wants to too.
once you are getting to replace regular you may feel more like sex.
Also maybe try take regular weekend breaks away to a hotel o be a month or once every three months depending on finances .

Merryoldgoat · 19/08/2023 19:21

You need proper boundaries.

You need proper time off, your clients need to know when you will not be available to them and stick to it.

You need to stick to it too.

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