In-law feuds and weddings

[Bloodyinlaws]

Please help give me some perspective. My husband, children and I live in another country to his family. We have a strained relationship because his brother + brothers ex wife pushed us away from the whole family many years ago. We moved and now live a happy life with minimal contact.

Fast forward to last year, brothers wife left him. He contacts us saying it was her
who stopped him seeing us. He met someone else immediately, got engaged and is getting married. We have been invited but it is during the UK school term. I said we would have to wait until our children start school in Sept 2024 to find out if we can take them out for the Dec 2024 wedding.

BIL is now telling anyone that will listen that I am being difficult, that it is better for our children to have a family holiday than school anyway and that he planned the wedding so that we could go. He didn’t even contact us before booking anything so that isn’t true.

Now all the family are on my case, and I can feel myself wanting to mention that if his wife hadn’t left we’d still be excluded from the family so why on earth are we yet again in the wrong!

I don’t want to book flights until we have approval from our children’s school to take them out. Am I being unreasonable? 💐

You won't get approval from the school for time off, so pointless waiting for that. I wouldn't be going - he sounds like he has always been a dick and hasn't changed.

I’d refuse to go. You aren’t a neglected dog to go running because BIL whistles, and his behaviour makes it clear that he’s a jerk. Nope. I wouldn’t spend the money to attend a wedding of a near stranger with a habit of lying and trashing my reputation.

If they are starting school Sep 24 when are they 5? School isn't compulsory until the term after they are 5 so the rules for taking out 4yos are a bit different...

Clearly hasnt a clue how our school system works and that we cannot take our children out of school without both parents risking a fine for each child (even though thats an absolute disgrace too). I wouldnt be having any of that. Abs cheek of them all. Get a long letter written to them all explaining the impossible situation and take your kids to alton towers for the day. Theyll probably enjoy it more. Hate manipulation and coercion, he sounds like a delight Id be refusing. What does your husband think?

Oh yes its ok for under 5s isnt it, as far as law goes they cant fine you.

I wouldn't bother and keep contact at the level isn't is. He could change the goalposts at any time and likely will. Leave him too it. You seem to be taking the high road with the rest of the family but if it were me I'd be telling them a few home truths.