To suddenly think maybe they're not my friends!

[Troyes76]

My local friends all have younger children than I do, we all chat about how the kids are doing, share photos etc on Messenger - this year some of their students have had nursery and primary 'graduations' etc, waiting for secondary school allocations. I always check in with them, share their celebrations, offer support .

So today, A Level results day for my DD - nothing from any of them either today or beforehand to support or see how we are. They know DD is getting her results today and how hard she has worked (she's OK :))

AIBU to expect a few supportive comments or is this a good indication that I need to move on from this group?

So sorry you didn’t say she struggled but that she worked hard. Apologies. Dint get much sleep
last night!

Even if you don't. Have kids of A level age, if you're friends with someone you show interest in their lives, show reciprocal support.

When my dcs were little, I don't remember having my head up my own ass so that I failed to notice my friends and their lives even though their dcs were at different stages of mine.

Bad English. Sorry

Yet another instance of the deeply odd trend of a subset of Mners to decide that something arbitrary is a friendship test and decide to bin off people they presumably value? (Unless this is another Mn usage, using ‘friends’ to mean ‘people I know who are frequently not that nice to me’.

Honestly, OP, this is mad. Even if they’ve just forgotten, rather than are being sensitive and waiting for you to tell them whether your child has the results she needed, is that really a friendship-ending omission?

Share it with your friends instead of wanting them to ask. I would feel nosey asking this type of question.
Also if they have younger kids then they won't understand the importance of it.

YABU - if you want to discuss it then you need to be the one to bring it up in the group, if they then ignored it then they would be unreasonable but that isn't the case.

I'm usually one for a proactive "Good luck for X tomorrow" message but for any kind of test/exam result I have always let the "exam parent" be the one to bring it up - either beforehand with a "DD gets her results in the morning" or after the fact with "DD got XYZ results" - because firstly I usually forget the precise date, it's not like I have A level/GCSE/School placement dates permanently in my diary when they don't apply to me, and secondly because I leave it up to the exam parent to decide if/when to share the news.

If you post a "Good luck for the results" message then it is implied that the exam parent will make a response, as it would be rude to ignore the message, and if the results aren't as hoped then it can be uncomfortable for them to have to post "Thanks but turns out DD actually failed ABC exam" on the day, when emotions may still be high, rather than being able to choose whether or not to post about their child's results when they're ready to.

Add into that the fact you've now clarified that some of your friends are actually A Level teachers the you are definitely being unreasonable - the days around A level and GCSE results are pretty full on for those teachers, they have to go into school and deal with their own students, they may have forgotten to message you or just not had the time to do so between their own lives and responsibilities to their own students.

Some people are self absorbed.

I'd post that she's done brilliantly and is going to do ... They'll reply. Some will even be contrite they didn't check in.

This doesn't though mean they're nit you friends, it's just you're more empathetic and are therefore a better friend x

Or that these people are possibly being empathetic in not asking, because they know it’s perfectly possible the results were disappointing, and the OP will be dealing with her daughter’s stress and upset (as was actually the case, from the OP’s updates)? Especially if several of these friends are teachers, they are well aware that results day can be disappointing, even disastrous.

The majority of my friends all have DC's of similar age to my own and I would never have messaged re exam results for the reason they might not have got the results they wanted, so I don't think your friends are being rude not commenting.
If they are generally good friends I'd let this pass op, I really don't think they are being intentionally rude

Hmm, I'm not so sure if it's 'expected' for friends to enquire after exam results of your children. It's unlikely to be on their radar unless they have children of their own awaiting results. The reason you were aware of their kids events is because there's more of them.
I think you're being a bit oversensitive to be hurt by this lack of input. Now if you had shared the night before about how nervous you/your daughter was, or had a heart to heart with one friend l might expect some follow up, but even then maybe a few days down the time.
I hope your daughter is content with her results.

TBH, most people are the central characters in their own stories, and everyone else isn't much more than a passer-by. Especially if they're not someone you physically see regularly.
People are consumed with their own kids, and their own life stages. And anyone who isn't on the same train as them just doesn't even blip their radar.

It's wonderful that you are more aware, and check in with all their events, but I would try not to see it as a deliberate snub when they don't recognise yours. Of course it's hurtful, but I don't think it's done with malice.

I often think this about peoples fb posts when they post every day of a holiday. There's a woman on my fb at the moment, who is on about day 25 of a trip around the US with her DH. I worked with her for a year the better part of 10 years ago. This holiday is obviously a MASSIVE deal for her. Obviously it would have cost them a bomb, and I imagine they've been anticipating it for a long time, and it'll be a fond memory for the rest of their lives. But for everyone else, it's just "oh, you went away? yeah, I think I saw some pics on fb."
People are just busy living their own lives.

A levels are a very long way away for me. Honestly I’m not sure anyone but me and my mother knew anything about my results. My dad might have registered a particular strained atmosphere in the house, but probably not as sharing a house with a menopausal wife and three teen girls must have required a lot of forebearance.

So it was quite a big day for them professionally. Did it cross your mind to check in with them how it went?

I wouldn't expect them to start the conversation.

If you choose to share them with the group, then I'd expect a "congratulations" type post.

The problem is if you message your friend and ask how they did, or wish good luck etc then if they've done badly and don't want to share it, then they can feel backed into a corner. So I would always leave it for them to start.

I remember a friend who did badly at her GCSEs saying the worst thing was people phoning up to ask how she'd done and she had to decide whether to pretend she was delighted, or admit she'd done badly. She said it was far worse than getting the results.

I wouldn’t say move on, and not everyone thinks like you would, but yes, it would have been a nice thought to maybe say “good luck for your results today you worked hard well” or words similar for your DD.

If no one mentions it can be hard to remember everything, maybe you should mention to the group you’re waiting for her results as she worked so hard and see what they say.

I don’t ask in this scenario in case it has gone badly and the family want to have a bit of time to themselves… it can be awkward- maybe your friends are being tactful