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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit scunnered with my friends

26 replies

EsmeWeatherwax · 28/02/2008 21:53

Who to be fair, don't have any children, and indeed loathe kids, to arrange a night out for one of their 40th birthdays on Mothering Sunday, when its not even her birthday, but which will be my first Mothers day with dd? (I have asked them to change, but was apparently outvoted) We're not going out on the Saturday cos there's a new club opening they're all going to...

I think I probably am, but would like some opinions on whether or not I'm getting yself in a lather over nothing.

OP posts:
mazzystar · 28/02/2008 21:57

can't think of anything better than to go out on my own for mother's day

please go and enjoy yourself, you can do somthing mumsy in the day.

gonaenodaethat · 28/02/2008 21:59

Don't get in a lather. Have a lovely day with your baby and a lovely night out with your friends. Then remind them about it when they have babies.

mazzystar · 28/02/2008 21:59

worse to spend your first mother's day with the cloud of hungover self-disgust and nausea that inevitably follows a rare night out in new motherhood. that wouldn be bad

fingerwoman · 28/02/2008 21:59

agree with mazzy. go out and enjoy yourself.

gonaenodaethat · 28/02/2008 22:00

Love the word scunnered by the way.

MsHighwater · 28/02/2008 22:01

YANBU. If you want to spend your first Mother's Day with your dd you are perfectly entitled to it.

Your friend will have other birthdays (not 40th maybe) but you will never have another first Mother's Day. Spend it how you want to.

bigbumhole · 28/02/2008 22:02

Hi, hmm its a tough one. I guess the first mothering sunday can have sentimental value, but saying that, as its your first mothers day, your DD must be under 1 year of age, so it wont mean much to her.

What time are your mates going out? Its a night do? If so, im guessing your DD will be tucked up in bed by the time you head out.

I have found that people who don't have kids really don't think of these things, i wouldn't take it too personally, but saying that, they could have been a bit more sympathetic towards your situation.

Maybe do something nice as a family in the day/morning then go out with the girls in the afternoon/evening.

I can totally see you point though and i understand why you feeling a bit meh about it all.

amytheearwaxbanisher · 28/02/2008 22:04

day with dd night with friends sounds like a good day would your dd not be off to bed by the time you go out anyway

Original poster
EsmeWeatherwax · 28/02/2008 22:06

Lol...you're right mazzy, I should think of it as a mother's day treat...they are so very very anti children though, frequently ends up with them all discussing how upset they are that they can't get early hysterectomies, and how fab they are cos they're nearly 40 and not boring settled families like most 40 year olds. Sigh...feel so very fay away from their lives, what with having been married for 3 years and having dd.

OP posts:
Original poster
EsmeWeatherwax · 28/02/2008 22:09

Usually we do go out later, but this time they've booked a table for 6.30, meeting for drinks at 5. Probably because everywhere is booked out by people celebrating mother's day!

OP posts:
Original poster
EsmeWeatherwax · 28/02/2008 22:10

Gonaeno, Scunnered my current favourite word! I seem to be permanently scunnered ata the moment as well...

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 28/02/2008 22:28

Could you tell them that you will meet them after you have put yout LO to bed? As a fellow Scot I love the word scunnered as well.

nelliesmum · 28/02/2008 22:42

Why don't you just turn up with the baby? That way you could spend Mother's Day with her and your friends may learn a valuable lesson.

newgirl · 29/02/2008 14:02

i think you are bonkers

it sounds perfect

you get to spend morning with your baby then get to enjoy some drinks meal out in the evening

i really wouldn't go on about it to your friends - a 40th is a big deal and the birthday person might be getting stressed about it - i doubt they will really see that you have a point especially as you will have been able to see your dd in the day

dingdong05 · 29/02/2008 14:21

Yes, yabu (my 1st ever yabu reply )
Why would your friend rearrange her birthday do because it's on mother's day? I can understand if you had a special evening treat with dh or something similar, and had to choose between them, but I don't see why the whole day is sacrosanct. As others have said, do all your mothers day pampering in the day and then hand dd over saying you are actually allowed to have fun on mothers day (its that and birthdays for me, the rest of the time I'm left to stew lol)
If you want to be the one to put dd to bed etc, then arrange to meet up with them after. If the give you gyp then remind them that mothers day or birthday, you still have things to do, but as soon as your done you'll be out catching up on all that responsibility free hedonism

Rinse off that lather and go have fun!!!

pagwatch · 29/02/2008 14:24

Yep YABU

My Dh has assured me that he will take all the DCs out for sunday am to give me a lie in and some chill time ( with pot of coffee, croissant and papers).

I love him so .
The perfect start to mothers day ( well perfect start to my 14th mothers day)

Chequers · 29/02/2008 14:39

Message withdrawn

tori32 · 29/02/2008 14:52

I think their is room for both, especially if your LO is under 1y. Can you not meet them after dd is in bed Having spent the day doing something as a family.

hattyyellow · 29/02/2008 15:08

I don't think mothers day means anything until both parties are old enough to understand and do something special for it..my girls are 2 and a half and we have nothing planned for mothers day at all.

They made me cards at pre-school but only because their teacher was doing it as the days activity, to them it was just colouring in!

YABU - it does sound like you are assuming that none of them have anything to do on any other night and should just all fit in around you and your baby. They may well have other work and social committments planned the rest of the week.

BeauLocks · 29/02/2008 15:09

What time does your dd go to bed?

BeauLocks · 29/02/2008 15:11

Oooh, pagwatch - am loving the sound of your MD. Will your dh take my children too?

Hmmm, think I will have to suggest the lie-in idea to dh. The trick is to make him think it was his idea.

branflake81 · 29/02/2008 16:23

You're being very unreasonable. Your child doesn't know it's mothers day at all and so would not be disappointed if you don't honour it and besides, going out wouldn't take up the entire day, surely? It's your friends birthday, and an important one at that. It would be unreasonable to expect her to change it.

bubblagirl · 29/02/2008 16:27

to be honest the first yr with my ds i didnt really want to do anything that didnt involve him now i understand my childless friends are not ignorant to the fact i have a child i seem to notice this more that i cannot on a wim do things that they can

they did not plan this on mothering sunday to spite you but it was the only other day

i would enjoy my day with dc then enjoy your evening with friends

i really enjoy the time with my friends mummy in daytime and i can be me with my friends

enjoy yourself what a great day special with your dc and fun with your friends later its a win win situation

Original poster
EsmeWeatherwax · 29/02/2008 21:23

Thanks for all your replies, I have decided I am, in fact, being rather unreasonable. Lol to taking dd with me...would be very, very bad. No, will go out and have fun, and not even remotely mention the issue at all! I'd hate to be the one that spoiled one of my closest mates birthday's by being...well...a selfish mare really.

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Original poster
EsmeWeatherwax · 29/02/2008 21:26

BTW, the Sunday isn't her birthday, wouldn't even have contempleted being scunnered if it was. Her Birthday was earlier on in the week!

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