Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Found out BF doing drugs.

41 replies

Bohoboho · 17/08/2023 00:08

My BF of 3 years used to smoke weed when I first met him and it was a daily thing. He’s not smoked it for a year and did well to stop but I’ve found out he’s been trying out heavier drugs e.g hallucinogenics. I’m now questioning the relationship. What would you do?

OP posts:
ConsuelaHammock · 17/08/2023 00:18

I’d break up with him. He has an addictive personality.

BetsyBobbins · 17/08/2023 00:22

That'll depend on your stance on drugs. If it was me, I'd have said "goodbye" faster than the speed of light

Aquamarine1029 · 17/08/2023 00:24

I would have dumped his arse already, and if you have any sense whatsoever, you'll do the same.

CallieQ · 17/08/2023 00:28

Would break up asap

TyneTeas · 17/08/2023 00:30

What actual future do you want?

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/08/2023 00:37

I’ve found out he’s been trying out heavier drugs e.g hallucinogenics.

Technically weed is also a hallucinogen. Rather than a stimulant or depressant. That's clearly the feeling he likes, being out of it.

It all depends on your boundaries. Once in a while, something that isn't physically addictive, not around me, not near kids etc. maybe.

But IME it's never like that. It affects other people.

RoadSignFool · 17/08/2023 00:43

It‘s not much if a relationship after 3 years if he has been going out and doing drugs and you weren’t aware. At that stage I’d expect you to be spending most of your time together (if not cohabiting) and he’d be telling you all about what he gets up to when you are not together, or at the very least he’d be trying to convince you to do the drugs with him.

Sounds like you have very separate lives and doesn’t sound like much of a relationship to lose tbh.

Dolores87 · 17/08/2023 00:44

Hallucinogens are not addictive. In all honestly as long as he hasn't got an addiction that is impacting you and he isn't lying to you about it i think you would be ridiculous to throw a good relationship (assuming you feel like its a good relationship) away because of this, and i think it is very controlling to give him an ultimatum over this. Its his body and it doesn't sound like there is any impact to you other then you dont like it.

Bohoboho · 17/08/2023 00:46

@MrsTerryPratchett True. I think this new one is a strong psychedelic drug, it apparently makes you see and hear things and is actually a class A

OP posts:
Busubaba · 17/08/2023 00:51

There is a reason that Drug user rhymes with loser.

Get shot of him and find someone who isn't a loser.

topshotta · 17/08/2023 00:54

I would leave tbh that sounds too heavy could be dangerous x

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/08/2023 00:59

Bohoboho · 17/08/2023 00:46

@MrsTerryPratchett True. I think this new one is a strong psychedelic drug, it apparently makes you see and hear things and is actually a class A

Like LSD, ketamine, mushrooms, something else?

Mental health is always a worry with hallucinogens. I had an ex trigger very serious psychosis. And another who has never recovered. Decades ago!

Bohoboho · 17/08/2023 01:05

Yes it is LSD. that’s what I worry about because he was very anxious and that’s why he stopped the weed as it was making him really paranoid. I worry as well because it seems like me like he has withdrawn a bit too

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 17/08/2023 01:12

I mean your bf is a grown man so he can do whatever he wants as far as I'm concerned. What actually matters here is what you want from your partner and what your stance is on substance misuse. I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who's using anything that would alter their behaviour or personality to any great effect bar alcohol. And I would struggle with the wider consequences of what he's funding through his habit. I'd also struggle with his ability to completely stay away from substances should you in the future decide you want to have kids or live together for example - I wouldn't want that in my house or any of the asb or police interest that might follow coming to my door either. So for me that would be a complete deal breaker and I'd end the relationship. Your bf clearly has a need to take risks in order to get out of his head whether it's due to stress/ trauma/poor mental health but he needs to address those things himself. I want a partner not a project so I wouldn't be waiting around for him to start working on himself.

GardeningIdiot · 17/08/2023 01:14

Dolores87 · 17/08/2023 00:44

Hallucinogens are not addictive. In all honestly as long as he hasn't got an addiction that is impacting you and he isn't lying to you about it i think you would be ridiculous to throw a good relationship (assuming you feel like its a good relationship) away because of this, and i think it is very controlling to give him an ultimatum over this. Its his body and it doesn't sound like there is any impact to you other then you dont like it.

😂

Anotherparkingthread · 17/08/2023 02:05

Lsd is not addictive. Neither are mushrooms. You can Google it unless you're too lazy and wish to remain ill-informed.

I personally really like these types of drug, once roughly very 6 months or so, it's like mental floss. Feel really good about life afterwards and at peace with things in the world. Even one trip can make you permanently more open minded. Its a real experience and can be magical. I've had some lovely moments with my partner, we got rather passionate and I remember saying 'don't atomise me' as I came. You may be surprised.

WandaWonder · 17/08/2023 02:33

So you knew he was into drugs when you met so this would not be a surprise? honestly what do you really think you should do?

Pippa12 · 17/08/2023 03:35

I’d run a bloody mile!

Faz469 · 17/08/2023 03:42

Been there, done that. Had been with him 4.5 years when I found out n was on the verge of moving in with him. After the second failed attempt at quitting, I walked away n never looked back. Best thing I ever did. Be strong.

Thedogscollar · 17/08/2023 05:09

Dolores87 · 17/08/2023 00:44

Hallucinogens are not addictive. In all honestly as long as he hasn't got an addiction that is impacting you and he isn't lying to you about it i think you would be ridiculous to throw a good relationship (assuming you feel like its a good relationship) away because of this, and i think it is very controlling to give him an ultimatum over this. Its his body and it doesn't sound like there is any impact to you other then you dont like it.

😩if you take anything from this thread OP don't let it be this ",advice"

Jennygosoftly · 17/08/2023 05:16

Just dump him OP.

Drugs will be like a third person in your relationship, and they will always come before you.

araiwa · 17/08/2023 05:27

Busubaba · 17/08/2023 00:51

There is a reason that Drug user rhymes with loser.

Get shot of him and find someone who isn't a loser.

non- user also rhymes with loser 🙄

Chillichange · 17/08/2023 05:28

@Anotherparkingthread
OP your boyfriend might end up talking self indulgent, boring nonsense everytime he talks them!
@Anotherparkingthread what are you 16 and been on the mushies down the park? Sad

MintJulia · 17/08/2023 05:35

I'd end it. Personally I don't like drugs of any king (unless prescribed and absolutely essential), and because I have a teen, and I wouldn't want them having contact.

GarlicGrace · 17/08/2023 05:35

Is he "microdosing" in an attempt to fix his anxiety, or going off on full-blown, eight-hour trips through the bendy world?

An acid trip is a mind-broadening experience, always supposing it's not a bad trip (which can be like the most horrendous waking nightmare ever). I actually think everyone should do it once, just to find out some of the incredible things your mind can do. Thing is, you'd need to be in the sort of safe, comfy environment conducive to an enjoyable experience, with people who know how to bring you around if you start going down a dark path. I only did it twice, in my adventurous youth, then stopped because I was getting 'trippy' afterwards. That went on for a few years.

There's no real evidence that "microdosing" does any good outside of a clinical setting, where it's used as an aid to psychotherapy. Some reports of reverb experiences like the ones I had.

It's not risk free by any means, especially with a user who already has some psychological fragility. Plus, it's illegal. In your situation, @Bohoboho, it's not very good that he's been doing this quite significant thing behind your back for so long. That's a good enough reason to end it. If you need a second reason, he clearly has some difficulty living in the everyday world and isn't likely to stop trying to escape from it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread