To feel so let down and sad- DH lack of concern over operation today

[Abneyandteal19]

Had my Gallbladder out today- it was keyhole, went well and I will be home tomorrow, so totally get it's minor surgery compared to what many people have been through.

However I have never had any surgery, never had a general anaesthetic and am sore and woozy.

DH took day off work to have DS3 and drop me off.
I organised older 2 DS to go to holiday club for the day, friends parents to drop off and pick up, communicated with everyone, organised my parents to come tomorrow morning when DH has to go back to work.

DH had 3 yr old DS from 11:30, got the older two delivered him at 3:30 and had to do dinner (which I left prepped) bath and bed.

He has text me twice....how are you feeling? I replied ok etc and asked about the boys which he updated and said one was sad and missing me. (I never go away anywhere)

That's it.... came out at 5pm first text and then didn't text again until 9pm

No love yous, no phone call, no pics of the boys, no FaceTime so I could see them, no nice words or reassurance. He will not see me until tomorrow night when he gets in from work- again I have arranged for my parents to have youngest and pick me up, booked holiday camp etc.

It's hard work doing dinner bath and bed with them all but I do all the time.

I'm feeling woozy and maybe emotional (also have period to add insult to injury!) but AIBU to feel really sad, disappointed and not cared about?

Well it is compared to open heart surgery, or invasive cancer surgery, which is what I meant. People often go home the same day. Hundreds of people have their gall bladders removed every day, it's not something that requires partners to be constantly checking in enquiring after the patient.

Have you had a cholecystectomy? I have and it didn’t feel like minor surgery.

I can understand why this has upset you. But by the sounds of it he’s not usually the one who primarily looks after the kids, I.e. dinner, bed time etc. While we can argue until the the cows come home that this should be normal and she does it all the time, the reality is that this is pretty tough for someone who doesn’t do this day in day out, especially if he’s trying to go through the prescribed checklist of steps.

Maybe by the time he got the kids fed, homework and bed he assumed you’d be resting and wouldn’t appreciate being bombarded, especially after sending 2 earlier texts.

If you feel you need more, contact him, ask for a chat.

I hope you feel better soon.

How many times is the correct amount of times to show he cares? He texted twice to ask how OP was. Does it really require pictures and face time as well. In fact if its just for a night possibly 2 then facetime may not be a good idea. If 5 year old is missing Mummy, then Daddy can probably distract him and settle him. A facetime is going to start him off again better to let him stay settled and see him the next day.

I mean obviously those are more serious but the op had an organ removed so it's not exactly" minor"

I think YANBU, because you obviously put a huge amount of effort into making sure your surgery had the absolute least possible amount of impact on him. He barely had to do anything. You showed him a lot of consideration, I imagine you don't feel like you got the same level of consideration in return.

He did text though and enquire. Twice.

Also why did it require quite this much prep for a one night hospital stay? Is your husband not a capable adult with a job? I suspect that there is a disconnect here between an OP whose entire life revolves around the family and a DH whose life doesn’t and now that she isn’t in the thick of family life (and recovering from GA), it is THAT which is upsetting you. I assume you are never away and so this is all new territory.

DH and I both travel for work. We don’t do daily photos or FT although we do text. And if DH messaged saying oh X was missing you I’d mostly be ‘aww poor guy, remind him I’m back in 4/6/10 sleeps.’ I wouldn’t remotely see it as an insensitive thing to say. But we are all different with different family set ups and dynamics.