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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting irritated by comments on my accent

41 replies

Jak569 · 16/08/2023 21:07

I’m Irish and have lived in England for nearly 20 years. I’m going home soon for the first time in a while and while I'm there meeting up with some old friends, one of whom has a tendency to make slightly reductive comments to me (or at least I perceive them as such). I honestly think she means no harm, it’s just a lack of a filter!

Last time I saw her, she was particularly keen on commenting on my now-English accent, and finds it a real source of amusement. She mimics it back to me etc. I’m working on just letting it roll off me, but it always makes me feel quite exposed and self-conscious!

I’m know I’m quite over-sensitive, so I don’t need to be told that by Mumsnet folk (I’m working on being more resilient!), but any tips on how to deal with this would be great. I just want to be able to laugh it off, or diffuse the situation with humour, or have a comment or retort in my back pocket that might politely get her to stop…she’s the kind of person that, if I ask to stop, she’ll continue to do it and it’ll be even funnier for her.

All thoughts welcome, so long as they're kind.

OP posts:
AllAboardTootToot · 16/08/2023 21:09

Never known an Irish person (being Irish descent myself) to be shy of the words ‘feel off’. Usually quite effective without a laugh…..

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 16/08/2023 21:09

Have you tried shut up you twat?

Davros · 16/08/2023 21:09

Tell her to fuck off with her bollix. Or better still, feck off

AllAboardTootToot · 16/08/2023 21:09

Or feck off rather (damn phone!)

Warszawa · 16/08/2023 21:10

If she means no harm she shouldn't be that bothered when you tell her to stop going on about it ?

do you need to spend time with someone who picks on every little thing ? Life is short

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 16/08/2023 21:10

Or Pog Mahone (not sure of spelling).

DacwMamYnDwad · 16/08/2023 21:11

Hard cold Paddington stare, or 'Did you mean to be so rude?'

Original poster
Jak569 · 16/08/2023 21:13

@Warszawa Agreed! These are old friends who I don't see very often though, so old dynamics come back into play. I've learned to avoid these types in my old age! :)

OP posts:
VinEtFromage · 16/08/2023 21:13

Well given you've lived here for even longer now ask her why it's so surprise? Idiot.

BitOutOfPractice · 16/08/2023 21:15

As the owner of a deeply unpopular English regional accent living in another, very intolerant English region, I do hear you op. I get “corrected” almost every day. It gives me the rage. The absolute rage. I have no idea how to deal with it. Maybe a smirking sarcastic smile. That’s my go to.

M4J4 · 16/08/2023 21:15

Throw her off course, say something like ‘my boyfriend loves my accent, what others think is irrelevant.’ Or ‘that’s what comes with jet set travel’.

Olika · 16/08/2023 21:16

VinEtFromage · 16/08/2023 21:13

Well given you've lived here for even longer now ask her why it's so surprise? Idiot.

This. Just shut her down. Well annoying.

Original poster
Jak569 · 16/08/2023 21:17

Thanks all! Some of these comments made me laugh. Maybe I should take a leaf out of Father Jacks (from Father Ted) book. FECK OFF.

I think humour is the only way. It is a bit catty of her, but I just don't want to not see them because of something as stupid as this. As I said, working on resilience!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jak569 · 16/08/2023 21:19

@BitOutOfPractice I feel your pain. Throw lots of English people 'doing' your Irish accent back at you into the mix and it all gets well annoying. It's my Irish accent that's a novelty here, and my English accent that's a novelty there. FFS.

OP posts:
dannyufcfan1 · 16/08/2023 21:21

Just ask her gently to not take the piss out of you.

DrFoxtrot · 16/08/2023 21:22

Tell her you're flattered that your accent is one of her favourite topics of conversation, after all she mentions it every time. And that you wouldn't be surprised if she talks about it when you're not there. Might shut her up.

Yellowlegobrick · 16/08/2023 21:23

If you're my colleague Aoife you 100% still sound irish love

TomatoSandwiches · 16/08/2023 21:24

Correct her pronunciation with the Queens English or deliberately miss hear her and laugh " what was that? 😂 "

Original poster
Jak569 · 16/08/2023 21:25

@TomatoSandwiches Oh I love this!!

@Yellowlegobrick I'm not no but she's probably my cousin.

OP posts:
donthaveaname · 16/08/2023 22:13

VinEtFromage · 16/08/2023 21:13

Well given you've lived here for even longer now ask her why it's so surprise? Idiot.

I like this tactic!

All friendly like… ”you know i’ve actually lived there nearly 20 years now!!! Hard to believe, isn’t it!!! It’s bound to rub off on me a bit!!!”

and then if she brings it up again … “20 years is a long time Fionnoula ”

and repeat again… and again… every time she brings it up… every… single… time

(I say this as an irish expat of 24 years!)

BitOutOfPractice · 16/08/2023 22:15

I’ve just watched the first episode of a sit com. They all spoke with what they think is “my” accent presumably for the LOLs. No other reason. None of the actors are from there. All of them are shut at the accent. I have chuntered and complained all the way through it, ruining it for everyone else and thus Proving my accent is no fun at all.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 17/08/2023 00:02

Pretend you can't understand her accent now because it's too strong. Ask her to speak "proper English" 🤣

BodGaoithe · 17/08/2023 00:13

Jak569 · 16/08/2023 21:19

@BitOutOfPractice I feel your pain. Throw lots of English people 'doing' your Irish accent back at you into the mix and it all gets well annoying. It's my Irish accent that's a novelty here, and my English accent that's a novelty there. FFS.

Are you me?!

IsGoodIsDon · 17/08/2023 00:15

I’ve also lost my accent and I hate it when anyone makes a comment on it it makes me so sad as I would rather be back home as well. It’s so rude and hurtful.

Siameasy · 17/08/2023 00:19

I’d say you’re really obsessed with my accent aren’t you “teehee” in a slightly condescending way
i have a friend who comments on something all the time I said oh that really gets to you doesn’t it you really have a thing about it
make them look silly

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