To feel this behaviour is still unacceptable

[lissyt]

I used to be in a relationship with someone, I said we should split up and still be friends. I just want to know if I am being unreasonable on these factors.

1. If we go somewhere, he is always staring at young women (he is mid 50's) even early teens. He stares at the the crotches of girls in leggings, not glancing but openly gawping. I point this out to him that's its gross but he accuses me of being jealous. It's not jealousy but contempt and feeling grossed out by it. This was one of the reasons I split up with him as well as a few other sex related issues like excessive porn watching. I felt like a piece of meat. How would you deal with this?
2. If we arrange a walk or to to go anywhere he turns up with stains on his clothes and creases in his t-shirts. He looks untidy and lacking in pride in his appearance. I feel embarrassed to be seen with him. I mentioned this before when we dated, just commented that he could make a bit more effort. He just says things like he has been in the garden or doing jobs. I was brought up that you have a wash and get changed if you are going out.
3. If we see members of his family out and about we chat and I am friendly. They make inferences about us being together/invite me to things etc and I don't know what to say. I have said he needs to tell his family we are only friends now but he clearly isn't doing it.
4. He asks for my advice regarding his children ( he has been a real deadbeat dad in the past but a bit better now). If I suggest he should do more as he doesn't have job/other responsibilities (and their mother is really stretched) he gets nasty as says things like, you're not there, I know more than you etc etc. I ask him not to to discuss these things if he doesn't like my responses but he keeps on. There are constant issues with different kids and grandaughter. He is always taking calls and the time we are together is frequently disturbed or he says he has to go to 'sort stuff out' I've also explained its not nice to meet up and keep disappearing half way through.

I feel like I don't want to be friends anymore as I never feel comfortable around him. He has been really good in other ways like doing jobs around my flat but can't comprehend that people can be incompatible or on different wavelengths and intelligence levels. Am i being unreasonable to feel unhappy now that we are just friends and would you stop being friends?

Yea I don't understand why you have stayed friends. Just cut contact and end it.

Yes I'd stop being friends.

He would irritate me a lot and I couldn't relax.

I couldn’t be friends with someone I felt contempt for, particularly if their behaviour is in fact contemptible.

I've never felt the need to be friends with anyone I used to have sex with. Whatever the reason you broke up with him it impacts how you now see him as a person and you don't like who he is. Let him go.

It sounds like you aren't friends - you don't really like him very much?

Why did you want to stay friends, what did you expect to get out of that shift? Was it just to ease some guilt over breaking up?

Time to move on from this one. You're not really friends and tbh you are still expecting gf privileges in some ways without actually being together.

Can i just ask...exactly what attracted you to this unemployed deadbeat dad who wears scruffy stained clothes, watches too much porn and openly pervs on women thirty years younger than he is? Bleurgh

Why are you friends with some scruffy perve who leers at young girls and acts like he can't be arsed with you when you are out?

Yuk. Why bother having such unpleasantness in your life at all? Get shot and get him blocked.

I really do not understand why on Earth you would think of still meeting him.

He stares at the crotches of girls in leggings, not glancing but openly gawping.
That's enough. You were right to get rid. Don't be his friend.

I would not want to be friends with the person you described

Why do you have to ask whether you are being unreasonable? He’s a borderline paedo who doesn’t wash his clothes, doesn’t communicate with his family properly and is a shit dad with a load of drama going on. Who the fuck needs telling that you don’t have to be mates with someone like that? Jeez. He’s a total cunt. Don’t be such a doormat and tell him to fuck off.

Your being Unreasonable staying in touch with him are you really that desperate for friendship?

Sounds like he repulses you, why put yourself through this 'friendship'? Enjoy life, it's too short. Move on. 😊

Why are you wasting your time op?

Not expecting anything other than meeting up for a walk and maybe trip to town centre. He offers and are you suggesting that a friend can't help another unless there is a sexual element??

I have only expected friendship in the form of going for walks and odd trip to town centre. He offers to do things but I put a stop to that a while ago. Are you really suggesting friends can only help each other if there is a sexual element? I see you ignored the vulgar behvior he has displayed ????

I think people are suggesting he sounds gross and unpleasant to spend time with.

Why would you want to be his friend?

1 would be more than enough for me to not be his friend.

Thanks for the bluntness. You are absolutely right.

^^ This. The fact he openly pervs on women is vile.

He was working at the time and I didn't know he was a deadbeat dad for a while as I hadn't met his children. These things become apparent over time, hence the ending of the relationship.

Just stop hanging out with him. What on earth are you getting out of it?

Why on earth would you want to be mates with this creep, never mind have a romantic relationship with it.
He's a scruffy dirty slob with a porn addiction who openly pervs at underage girls (erm, EUW, what the fuck?), and a deadbeat father to boot. In fact he sounds just like the stereotypical dirty old man our mums used to warn us about. Get rid of the loser and seriously ask yourself how / why you ever thought he was a suitable parter.