To feel this behaviour is still unacceptable

[lissyt]

I used to be in a relationship with someone, I said we should split up and still be friends. I just want to know if I am being unreasonable on these factors.

1. If we go somewhere, he is always staring at young women (he is mid 50's) even early teens. He stares at the the crotches of girls in leggings, not glancing but openly gawping. I point this out to him that's its gross but he accuses me of being jealous. It's not jealousy but contempt and feeling grossed out by it. This was one of the reasons I split up with him as well as a few other sex related issues like excessive porn watching. I felt like a piece of meat. How would you deal with this?
2. If we arrange a walk or to to go anywhere he turns up with stains on his clothes and creases in his t-shirts. He looks untidy and lacking in pride in his appearance. I feel embarrassed to be seen with him. I mentioned this before when we dated, just commented that he could make a bit more effort. He just says things like he has been in the garden or doing jobs. I was brought up that you have a wash and get changed if you are going out.
3. If we see members of his family out and about we chat and I am friendly. They make inferences about us being together/invite me to things etc and I don't know what to say. I have said he needs to tell his family we are only friends now but he clearly isn't doing it.
4. He asks for my advice regarding his children ( he has been a real deadbeat dad in the past but a bit better now). If I suggest he should do more as he doesn't have job/other responsibilities (and their mother is really stretched) he gets nasty as says things like, you're not there, I know more than you etc etc. I ask him not to to discuss these things if he doesn't like my responses but he keeps on. There are constant issues with different kids and grandaughter. He is always taking calls and the time we are together is frequently disturbed or he says he has to go to 'sort stuff out' I've also explained its not nice to meet up and keep disappearing half way through.

I feel like I don't want to be friends anymore as I never feel comfortable around him. He has been really good in other ways like doing jobs around my flat but can't comprehend that people can be incompatible or on different wavelengths and intelligence levels. Am i being unreasonable to feel unhappy now that we are just friends and would you stop being friends?

This should have been under another comment who suggested I wanted girlfriend priviliges which is nonsense. You are right and I will be ending the friendship.

If we go somewhere, he is always staring at young women (he is mid 50's) even early teens. He stares at the the crotches of girls in leggings, not glancing but openly gawping

He's gawking at the crotches of young teens? So 13/14 year olds, some of whom might even actually be younger?

Op he's a fucking pervert and a nonce, that is so vile.

The relationship ended when I became uncomfortable and saw the things I mentioned. You don't know someone is unsuitable straight away, people hide things. Unfortunately, my mum didn't warn me about men like him as she wasn't around and i haven't encountered this before. Your comment is correct as is many other commenters saying the same thing.

I have definitely stayed friends with ex lovers. Some people make great friends but for various reasons are not right as partners

But OP, not in this case. This grubby, pervy, deadbeat dad, unemployed individual sounds quite repellent. Being good at fixing stuff is not what relationships are based on. That's what you pay a handyman for.

THIS. So many replies have totally ignored this. This is literal noncery.
OP, why would you want to go for walks or trips to town with someone like this? You know behaviour like this gets noticed by others, and as his "friend" you could be tarred with the same brush? Just distance yourself already before you're a bystander to him getting beaten up by some angry parents.

He sounds absolutely disgusting , I wouldnt meet him even for a walk

Ffs just stop hanging out with him op.

He is truly disgusting.

Cease all contact with him. Forever. And immediately.

even early teens

Fuck. I hadn’t picked up on this either. He’s not just disgusting, he sounds like a dangerous predator. A dangerous predator who needs his hard-drive forensically examining.

By gf privileges I mean things like - not looking at other women while with you, making an effort with appearance etc
I didn't mean sex.
You do seem to expect a high degree of consideration from him, above and beyond 'friendship' whilst frankly his behaviour and demeanor sounds unappealing to say the least.
I can't really see why you want to hang around with him?

To be honest, I stopped reading when you said he stares at women's crotches when he's out with you. I wouldn't want anything to do with him.

No. 1 is sufficient, even if you don't have many friends just take yourself off to the cinema or something rather than hanging out with this creep.

He's disgusting. Cut the friendship.

You both sound unhinged. Him because of all the reasons and you for hanging out with someone so detestable just for a bit of company and free handyman jobs in your home.

You don't have to stay friends with everyone. Especially the grubby pervert you post about. Just walk away. You have met someone, you are busy, block. Easy

Are you kidding? He’s got nothing going for him on the plus side.

Stop hanging around with this vile cretin.

So basically, you don't like him at all but he's a free handyman?! Ditch him and do your own DIY or pay someone!