Husband started Vaping - I’m annoyed

[Mama2910]

My husband and I are both health professionals. He loves preaching to people about his job and is actually quite arrogant and full of self importance (we met an old friend of his recently (who is a labourer) who commented on the amount of night shifts my husband does and my husband just said “it’s though at the top, old boy!” I cringed so much 😩)

He is 42 and has never properly smoked. I say “properly” because when he was a teenager he smoked weed every now and again but didn’t smoke regularly or daily or anything. And hasn’t touched weed for over 25 years.

We have been together over 13 years and he’s never ever smoked or vaped. No-one in our family smokes or vapes.

We have two little boys aged 6 and 8 who are quite switched on. Impressionable. As all kids this age are. They see kids on the street using vapes, see them in shops and ask what they are.

My issue is I am mad at my husband and think he is being such a massive child for starting to vape recently. His reason? “A few guys in my team do it and I like the smell.” So basically he is wanting to do it to fit in or because other people do it. He is a 42 year old man!

He seems to have been doing it kind of in secret (at work, when I go to bed at night so I kind of forgot to be honest. I only found out in the first place months ago because he had left it in his work trouser pocket and I was putting a wash on. We spoke about it and I assumed he had stopped). But I’ve came down this morning And he’s left one of those bright colourful vape things lying at the kitchen table where my kids could have seen it, picked it up, played with it, TRIED it if I hadn’t noticed. I am really annoyed! (And tempted to bin it!)

I would get it if he had been a smoker and was stopping and substituting it but he hasn’t been a smoker! Just a big massive child.

YABU - let the man vape!

YANBU - I would be annoyed too!

I agree it is annoying but he is a grown man, maybe just ask him not to leave them lying around the house where the children can see? X

I don't get smoking or vaping but he is a grown up

I would say something if he did it around our child but not everything has to stop just because people have children

He may benefit from stopping feeling superior over other people health though but that is a separate thing

I agree OP. The vape companies must be laughing all the way to the bank about how successfully they have been able to market their stupid little boxes to non smokers! Don't even get me started on the blatant marketing to kids and the plastic waste incurred.

Cunts. I can feel a letter to my MP coming on not that that Tory twat will do anything.

Tell your DH he looks pathetic, like he's sucking on a sherbet dibdab. If he's going to smoke, at least be badass and smoke properly rather than puffing on clouds of unicorn lemon or blueberry whizz or whatever they call their flavoured smoke.

To be fair he sounds like a bit of a dickhead even without the vaping.

I'd be pissed off too.

Every time he does it can you put a baby's bottle to your mouth or a dummy??

This is how I see vapes. Its like a comfort blanket. And that hand to mouth movement is really hard to stop.

I'd be so pissed off (if I had a DH). Both my DSs vape (21 and 16). I rage against it as a waste of money and a health hazard. If I see one round the house , I say "DS - you've left your dummy here."
i'm embarrassed that my children could be so stupid as to pay £10 to breathe in Chinese smoke and chemicals and give themselves a nicotine addiction.

OK.

The only issue here as far as I can see is him leaving a vape out on the table where the kids might pick it up.

Other than that. I'm actually aghast at a few things. What comes across is a lack of respect for your DH (who if he's a medical professional and is doing night shifts I'm going to presume is either a nurse or doctor).

Have you reread your post? Do you hear how what you've written sounds?

He's an adult. He's doing night shifts in what is probably a really stressful job and you're on the Internet speaking about him as if he's an errant toddler.

Maybe start at the point of thinking of him as your partner who deserves respect, autonomy, and then calmly ask him once again to not leave the vape out where the kids might pick it up.

I'm afraid to say, nothing else is your concern. Maybe he's been thinking about taking up smoking again and because he knows how much safer vaping is he's decided to vape instead. Maybe he likes the flavours. Maybe he's stressed at work and a 'vape break' with his work besties is a coping mechanism. Maybe, just maybe, as adults we're allowed to make our decisions about what we do.

That doesn't mean our partners shouldn't have an opinion about it, but I'd be horrified if I was him and he found this post and found out that's the way my partner talked about me to strangers 😳

@Jamaica321 👏🏻

@Jamaica321 This!!

@Jamaica321 fab response.

Why would you start vaping though if you don't smoke?

Excellent post @Jamaica321

I find vaping a huge turn off, I think it makes you look a right knob, but unfortunately you can't really stop him from doing it, as you say he's a 42 year old man. He's allowed to make decisions for himself about what he puts in his body.

I'd just have a conversation with him about not leaving them round where the kids might pick them up. Get a box or a drawer or a case or something to keep them in out of sight and reach.

If he was at the top of his profession, he wouldn’t be doing loads of night shifts 😁

I'd think he was daft, especially if he's using the nicotine ones and getting hooked, but it's really not something I could get worked up about. Perfectly reasonable to ask him not to vape in the house or around the children. But more than that makes you sound controlling. The kids are not toddlers they should know not to smoke them if the find them.

Of course he could. A&E and ITU consultants regularly work at night. Cardiac surgeons are called in for emergency surgery. Do you think healthcare’s 9 to 5?

There is a huge issue of him getting addicted to nicotine. Is he using nicotine free ones? What is he thinking?

At the top would mean top management/director level. It would be very unusual for them to work a lot of night shifts

No it wouldn’t if he’s clinical, consultants are top of the clinical tree. You know nothing about the NHS, do you?

YANBU to feel the way you do, it’s a huge turn off and so incredibly stupid. I would not be happy about it either, what sort of an example does it set for your children.

He doesn’t seem to know much about health if he’s smoking that rubbish!

Great post @Jamaica321. Some posters sound very controlling about their male partners. Imagine if this was a man complaining about his wife eating sweets and relying on sugary treats. Posters would be horrified and describe him as controlling.
A poster has written sneering that ' the husband cannot know much about health if he vapes'. Can't imagine the same poster making the same comment about sugary treats and a woman.

This

So many anal people on here where smoking and vaping is concerned.

People were stopped from smoking inside (fair enough, I got over it and prefer it now) but now even vaping is evil and wrong !!
Lay off your DH OP, you are not his Mother for gods sake