I think I've always been a doormat. I suspect (and have been told by a couple of counsellors) that my family are dysfunctional narcissists, but I feel today like something has snapped and I want to stop caring about being diplomatic or keeping the peace.
My step sister can be really nice, but she's a bit of a . She's always bragging about how successful she is, how clever, how amazing and being bossy and honestly that's never bothered me. I just sort of smiled and felt proud of her being so confident.
But I've not had an easy run of things. My son was born twenty years ago and shortly after his Dad started hitting me. I left in the middle of the night and haven't had a dime off him since.
I was homeless without a penny to ny name but I got a good job and worked around the clock and managed to raise my son with no help.
I met a lovely man when my son was six. The most lovely man. We were very happy for three years, then he passed away suddenly and our home (he owned it) went (rightfully) to his grown up daughter.
So I was homeless again without much to my name but again, I worked around the clock and gave my son and I a lovely life.
No riches. But we had a nice home, he wanted for nothing and the bills were all paid. I remember those years felt like I barely did anything but go to work and do chores or homework and I never minded the hard graft or adked for help.
I never really dated. I was heart broken for a decade really and I'd put my son to bed and just cry until I fell asleep most days.
Then I met someone new. We fell in love and I really thought it was going great. Two years I'm, I found out he was having a long term affair.
For some reason, that just affected me very badly mentally and I've been quite sad ever since, but I've gotten on with it.
My son went off to university shortly after I discovered the affair and I was so proud but also really struggled with the feeling of loss.
I've also struggled financially the last two years. My son's student loan didn't really cover what he needs and he's disabled and was finding it hard to find work. So I was really stretched financially.
Rent went up by a few hundred a month. Bills went up. Son kept needing money for various things and I am struggling and have shared all this with my step sister.
Instead of confirming or being supportive I felt like she was implying all of it is my fault. I don't think I'm being hypersensitive, I think that wasvwgat she was saying.
Then my son told me today my step sister has been messaging him saying she wants to give him financial advice so he doesn't "end up like his Mum".
I just burst into tears and texted her that I was done with her. She said she was just being honest, that I'd found myself in problems various times over the years.
Which is true. But I wasn't bad with money. I just had suprise circumstances which changed things. But the truth is that she's made me feel like I'm a worthless person.
Thoughts?
I guess what's really worrying me is that maybe it's true. Maybe other people wouldn't have ended up with a husband who hit them. Maybe other people would have gotten over being bereaved quicker or better. Maybe other people wouldn't have been cheated on, or wouldn't have not realised that they were.
I want to feel proud that I overcome awful circumstances and raised my disabled child alone to be the most wonderful man.
But if any of those circumstances hadn't happened, life would have been different. I'd have owned a house. I'd have had two household incomes.
I don't know what to think.
When I got angry with my step sister (which I never normally do) she said she wasn't to know she'd hit a nerve.
Which is I guess implying that the problem isn't that she demeaned and belittled me to my child - but that I've got an achilles heel of some sort.