If you are European, do you mostly have EU friends here in the UK?

[HolyParc]

I have been in the UK for years now but all the closest friends I made here are actually people from my country or other EU countries. I love Britain and feel this is my second home, have a good job here etc but I never managed to get a close connection with anyone who is British, other than the odd post drinks work with a colleague (just superficial relationships iyswim).
Am I weird for this or have you experienced the same? If so, what do you think it's stopping you?

I think this is quite common - I’ve travelled loads, often the locals are happy to stay with their groups- you could call them cliques. I have a few local friends most are not - the joy is in the variety.

A lot of your long-term friends tend to be determined by your relationships at University.

If you went to School/University in the UK, and you had lots of British friends in your friends group, it is probable you still have them now (A)

If you instead hung around the international crowd at School/University, with few British folks in your group, it is likely you won't have many around now (B)

My brother is like (A)[went to Durham] while I am like (B)[went to Oxford].

@TheThinkingGoblin I didn't study in the UK :)

Most of my friends are British however I’ve been in the UK since I was 18 (came over for uni then met dh) and culturally my country is very similar to the UK, even down to our sense of humour. I also live in a very white British neighbourhood. However whenever I meet someone from my home country I secretly do get quite excited and find it easier to socialise with them. I reckon if I lived in a more culturally diverse area, I’d have more EU friends.

That could definitely be one of the reasons you have few British friends then.

The relationships made at Uni in the UK are very strong. Remarkably so (I went to school in the US and UK).

Its tough to break into friend groups if you studied abroad*

I would only use a * if you come from a commonwealth country (NZ, Aus, Can) as in that case you still have some areas of commonality with British folks.

I think that it's quite common for immigrants (from anywhere, to anywhere) to gravitate towards people who have a similar background/experiences

I'm half greek half dutch. Moved to uk 7 years ago. Partner is British. Main friends who I confide to and feel closest to are british, met through work. I also have close friends from other EU countries and some from back home. Perhaps because of my double nationality I never really got the "homeland" feeling (everywhere I go I'm "foreign") so nationality doesn't play a very big role in my life!

When DD was in primary school, many of the parents came from other countries, mostly EU. I found a lot of them very difficult to make friends with, they would pass the time of day, telling me everything that was wrong with England/the English, London/Londoners and I'd just smile and nod. It got so bad I looked into moving DD, I felt like I really didn't fit in although I was in my home country and home city.
I've always had very many friends from many years back but I just wanted to get to know some parents of DD's friends. I put on a brave face and, over time, weeded out a few who have become good friends, or they weeded me in! At senior school it was much easier and, I hate to say it, much more English although far from exclusively.

I am Scottish. Some of my friends are Danish, Irish, Indian and French.
Saying that I live in England so also feel like a foreigner at times

We find this, but not just EU. Our closest friends are West African, Middle Eastern or EU. I find it had to connect with British people and I’ve often wondered. One thing is they are often groups with family/ childhood friends- we tend to meet up as people seeking friends as adults without that network in place. You go looking for it. Also English interaction is more reserved, I struggle to find the line between bothering people and maintaining friendships. They don’t seem to like going out in the same way, stereotyping and obviously not all- but it can be a faux pas to be enthusiastic too much if you enjoy going out/ contact at the wrong time. If you aren’t familiar with the social rules it’s harder to work out how it works.

I've been here 22 years, came in my 20s. I have always tried to make friends with British ppl and was never successful. This was most stark when my son was at primary school. I got along with some of the mums whose kids my DS was v good friends with and the "friendship" lasted exactly till the end of year 6. What I could see was that the British parents would only make friends with foreign ppl whose spouses were British and/or middle class and upwards. The rest of us foreigners were looked down like the dirt on their shoes

I'm European and I didn't go to a UK university, I have a couple of close British friends and friends from my home country.
My husband is British and we have mutual friends who are both British and from my home country.
I think a lot of it depends on how friendly and outgoing you are yourself.
I talk to anyone anywhere 😂

@CrazyFrogDingDing Ive definitely noticed this and I’ve also noticed that British people are more willing to befriend Europeans from ‘wealthier’ countries. There seems to be a lot of bias towards Eastern Europeans. Particularly in my area.

Pretty much all my friends are British and I am entirely immersed in the culture. I am never quite part of the in-crowd, though, because people can never work out where I fit in the class system.

@sixthvestibule the class system! So true and so sad

i think it’s quite common as a foreigner to find non-locals easier to befriend that locals. I mean the immediate unifying factor is that all of you at some point decided to take a leap of faith and up sticks to somewhere where you have no/far less of a network, without necessarily having a guarantee of it working out. That usually takes a certain amount of desperation, guts or whatever you want to call it.

But this is the same everywhere, it’s not just a UK phenomenon. When I lived in France, a lot of French people were perfectly friendly and courteous, but they reserved their ‘ inner circle ‘ for French people, most of whom they had known since they were at school ( and even they were outside the holy circle which is family).

Most people gravitate towards people who are ‘like them’ , it’s a very deep rooted protective mechanism.

(BTW I am socially bilingual, so no language problem).

I’m Scandinavian and most of my friends are Middle Eastern apart from other scandies, it’s easier to connect with those who have done similar life changes, it’s hard to relate to someone whom ever left their own town I guess.

I'm afraid not every foreigner is a migrant worker who come here desperate to work as cleaners, gas station attendants or in the service industry begging British people's friendship. And if that means we make friends within our group, people who are resilient, hard working and like minded I'm fine with that

been here 8 years, don’t have any friends from my home country. a few acquaintances from other european countries from uni, but all my close friends are british (though from various backgrounds and heritages).

i lived in the US for a bit too and same there, i basically only made local friends.

i don’t personally understand moving to a different country to mostly socialise with people from back home but i know there are sometimes reasons why it’s hard to make friends with locals.

I'm not from the UK but most of my friends here are British. I wouldn't hang out with someone just because they are from my home country, if I have no other meaningful connection with them. I've been here a long time though and my husband is British. Also not from Eastern Europe, so maybe there is less bias towards me.

OP,

Do you live in a large city or a small village?

The further out you go from larger cities, the larger the density of really insular British folks. Many have never left the country as well.

Very hard to make friends with those folks. Much easier in places like London, Oxford, Cambridge as there is a lot more vibrant places to interact in.

This is pure nonsense.

@BetsyBobbins Not sure how you read that out of my post. I have moved a lot and have always found it easier to break the ice with fellow foreigners or at least non-locals. I was an immigrant in the U.K. too for what it’s worth.

You need to get out more is my suggestion.