How do you cope with losing everything financially ?

[User5512]

We lost over 50% of out net worth due to a failed business. Last year we had a chance to sell it at a small loss. We kept going and it’s now probably going to dogs. I’m totally struggling to cope and now facing redundancy.

Im scared I’ll die of stress. Has anyone survived something similar and lived to tell your story?

My kids are small, I’m scared I’ll die in my sleep. My chest feels tight all the time. I don’t know what to do .

This

I think someone has made the point that most wealthy people have had to take risks in order to get there. My brother did when he formed his own architectural company. It could have failed but he was lucky. You've been brave and will be again I'm sure.

How much cash?

You gambled and lost. Now you need to get a grip and some perspective. It's not a race to the bottom, but you must be able to see that in comparison to most other people, you are still in a very privileged position?!

Oh my love, this is horrific for you.

We lost every penny of our savings and ended up £100k in debt with a failed business. I had just inherited £20k from my mum and my partner begged me to.lend it to the business to prop it up and prevent it going bust. I lost that too.

I was perimenopausal and I also thought I'd die of stress and lack of sleep. I had to keep working somehow. After we paid the insolvency practitioner we had 67p. It was unbearable, so many low points but the bank coming after our house, sitting in Citizens Advice whilst my partner sobbed, having to walk 3 miles because I couldn't afford the tube fare were highlights.

You will survive. We did. We eventually changed our lives completely, moved 250 miles away and started a hospitality business from home by cashing in a pension- the only time I've ever been relieved at being old... You get creative with what you have left, that's for sure.

I will never be truly over it I suspect. We could really fo with those lost savings now as our income has dropped quite a bit in the last few months. But overall, I think my life is better now. I left the vorporate hamster wheel that I never truly felt happy in.

Oh gosh, after I separated from my exH I gave him my savings so he could move out (idiot, I know) he spent the money on clothes, takeaways, drugs you name it.
Then when he finally moved out, he left me with unpaid council tax.
If it weren't for my dad helping me out with money and a mix up with Tax Credits (they overpaid me for a few months, their mistake not mine, I declared everything correctly - I did pay it back), I wouldn't have been able to pay my rent, council tax and council tax arrears until I managed to get a job. I had a 2 year old at the time too and my ex was very controlling on top of the entire mess. I had £10 a week left for groceries...

It took me 2 years to recover financially from my idiotic exH.

So seeing that all you lost is your savings, count yourself very lucky! Hopefully this helps put it in perspective and you manage to sleep at night.

It could be worth seeing your GP about the physical result of your anxiety.

This is unsurprisingly absolutely gutting for you.

But to manage your stress in the moment, think about what you do have.

• you have a home
• you must have reasonable pensions if they’re equal to a loss that’s causing you so much stress
• your husband has a job which all your bills on its own, is stable, and is unaffected by the business winding up
• you probably have some redundancy money coming soon
• you haven’t been made redundant yet, so every penny of your full time salary can go straight into rebuilding your savings
• you will no longer have the stress of the failing business

Until 18 months ago I ran a small business. I invested EVERYTHING I had into it, and by the end I was running up significant debts to pay the staff and small business suppliers, because I didn't want to see people losing their livelihoods in the middle of the current economic crisis.

Now I'm bankrupt, I've lost my home and every penny I ever had. I'm very fortunate to have found part time work and a bedsit, and to no longer have the stress of worrying where I was going to find next weeks payroll. I no longer have any net worth nor any assets, but I do at least have my sanity back.

Oh what I'd have given to have had a partner earning a wage, a home, enough to cover the bills and some savings and pensions to fall back on.

50% of £x million or 50% of £x thousand ?

Either way, you've still got enough to manage on.

So you aren’t going to lose your house, your H has stable employment, two months’ salary saved up, but it’s not as much as you had and so you think you’re going to die?

Is this more trauma related to a drop in ‘lifestyle’ ?

Meh, it sounds stressful but yes, you actually have loads left and what you need most is to give your head a wobble and change your mindset. At the very least stop dramatising the situation (to yourself) to such an extent that everyone misunderstands what your problem even is.

And good luck sorting it out.

So what is your worst fear OP?

You’re still in a much better financial position than a great deal of people, me included. Your thread title is very misleading.

To help yourself lower stress, start writing a gratitude journal. It sounds trite but it does change your mindset which will lower stress levels.

You have health, children, a home, stable income to pay the bills..think of everything that can bring joy, such as coffee on a sunny day and the sound of your children laughing.

Your feelings around the loss of savings are probadly complex (perhaps rooted in your history and expectations) which is why people aren't relating to your post. No one would be happy about losing their savings but you have perhaps lost a little perspective which is important.

You cry, then you accept it, then you let go, then you rebuild your savings.

I don't think you've worded this well op.

My parents lost their business and our home and any sort of pensions / savings were all cashed in. My parents divorced, my dad died and my mum now lives in a council house. She's never got over it.

Well we put our house up for sale to pay back our debts - all was going well and then my Husband was advised to take out an IVA - which he duly did and all the leftover equity was taken in fraudulent fees - so we were made penniless homeless and unable unable to get a mortgage by DENNIS P CROWE . Who I can never forgive - he’s a leading light in a refugee housing project in Bishop Eton - performative altruism and Christianity from a Tool of Satan - but we survived thanks to our ch taking a mortgage to buy us a house -

We had a business that went under. Lost our home and all our investments except pension. 8 years on and will never be able to afford to buy a house again. It was extremely stressful but life goes on!

Went bankrupt in 2013. Picked myself up again and started rebuilding savings and credit as soon as I was able to. Took some heady risks with investments and started a new business in 2019 (because it takes a risk taker to be willing to lose it all) and it paid off. Now I'm sitting very comfortably, just a decade later (on a far better financial situation than before).

I was never really anxious about losing everything- I was in secure rented housing and had to fall back on benefits for a bit so a less secure situation than you, but I knew I could manage my daily expenses and I had a roof over my head and I knew in myself that I would build everything back up. The situation is just what you make it really.

What’s done is done, how is stressing about it going to help?

Of course it’s not great but you’re making it worse by being so stressed out.

Focus on taking little steps at a time.

Your DH’s job covers the bills and you still have your home - which is great.

You say you’re facing redundancy - focus on this.
Have you been looking for work?
Can you take voluntary redundancy if this will help?

Quite!

I could never be self-employed. It's just not me. I couldn't handle the stress.

Know thyself.

I’m sorry but you do need to see your GP, your anxiety is not proportionate. It’s upsetting yes, but you have a home to live in and income coming in.

Thank you very much