How do you cope with losing everything financially ?

[User5512]

We lost over 50% of out net worth due to a failed business. Last year we had a chance to sell it at a small loss. We kept going and it’s now probably going to dogs. I’m totally struggling to cope and now facing redundancy.

Im scared I’ll die of stress. Has anyone survived something similar and lived to tell your story?

My kids are small, I’m scared I’ll die in my sleep. My chest feels tight all the time. I don’t know what to do .

Agree. It must ne awful to lose 100k or whatever you had saved working hard for it.
The only way to not dwell is to focus on the fact you are probably ok with a house and a job by today's standards.

Actually, to the vast majority of people your post title and OP does imply you are on the cusp of homelessness and destitution.

It really does go to show the different standards of living and wealth that people have.

Sorry you’re going through this.

You need a steady head. It may be worth booking a call with Citizens Advice just to check if there’s anything specific you need to do. Having an independent third party advising you might help steady your mind.

Your title says “losing everything financially”. Others come on to share their experiences of truly losing everything and it turns out that you are not in that position at all.

You've lost your nest egg, its a blow, but remember the golden rule - don't invest money you can't comfortably afford to lose.

You have your jobs, home & pensions. Its ok to be upset but try to count your blessings.

Also i agree with pp, your post really did imply you were losing everything.

Yes, lost everything back on the early 2000s, house, car, business, the lot. I had two small children at the time. It took years but I am now stable again, life is different as I will never be a home owner again so will never have that stability but life is OK. The kids sailed through it pretty much and now, as adults both have secure stable lives. I remember the dark days of being suicidal and being scared of every letter, phone call and knock at the door but it did get better.

It IS survivable and you will get through it.

When did I say I’m homeless or destitute? Oh wow, sorry me losing 50% of my net worth isnt up to your expectations !

Don't you still have 50% net worth of pensions, other job & house. Losing savings suck but you haven't lost everything financially..

Sorry to hear the business hasn't done well, and it's not a race to the bottom, but to be honest, you need to get your head around things and understand it is not as bad as you're feeling it is.

you both have jobs (you'll get another job, things are pretty decent for job hunters)
you have your home secure from the business.

it sounds like you all have your health etc.

it's a long way from ideal, but it's also a long way before being the end of the world.

the stress you are making yourself feel isn't warranted & you need to stop before you make yourself ill.

im sorry if that doesn't sound sympathetic, because I am, but there are families out there who have nowhere to sleep, not much prospect of getting jobs etc.

I agree you haven't lost 'everythong financially' as the thread title says, you've lost your savings.

The way you cope is by being very kind to yourself.

Speak to your GP about the stress symptoms, of course some people basically die from stress (heart attack etc) but it is hugely rare especially when young.

Can you do some meditation or similar to start reducing your physical stress symptoms?

Yes. The stress is that high

you need to find a way of managing it

That would be grim, but I guess it's the risk one takes when making unconventional investments.

What age are you, your husband and your kids? You probably have time to rebuild savings but will have to embrace frugality. Which can actually be fun with the right mindset.

We lost a substantial sum of money when we made a choice to sell our home during a recession. We had to pay the bank at the closing to make up the difference between what we owed on the house and what we managed to sell it for.

I was angry for a couple of weeks, but I got over it pretty quickly. We were fine. We had the money to pay off the bank. We didn’t end up bankrupt or homeless like so many other people. We just earned more money and eventually built back our savings. Not everyone has it that easy, but we did and that really helped keep things in perspective.

I did, through illness. Sold my lovely London flat at a huge discount to clear the mortgage, was homeless twice, have personal debts the size of a small country, and am resigned to a very tiny life in the miniscule flat I now rent in the back of beyond. I miss my old life but it's never coming back, so I've achieved a sort of Zen-like acceptance.

You don't need any advice from me - except, perhaps, to achieve a Zen-like gratitude that you & your family are still well placed to rebuild. I am sympathetic: any big change of circumstances is stressful and it's horrible to have to reimagine your near future.

The sooner you can get to grips with what you have and what you're able to do with it, the better. Good luck!

Clearly some folks think you should have lost more here! Typical Mumsnet!

I'm sure you will be fine and you seem to be working. You've not got to look backwards only forwards. You can't change the past.

You still have jobs, you still have your home, you,your spouse and children are still healthy. That means that you have a huge amount going for you.
Many people don't have half of that and just have to keep going, and they do.
You can save again, and get back to where you are now.Many don't have that opportunity.
If you are stressed consult your GP, have some counselling. I'm sorry if I am not as sympathetic as you might like, but you haven't lost everything.

How do you cope with losing everything financially……except your home, job and pension?

While I do sympathise with your situation, most investments are not risk free and you are still in a very fortunate position with a roof over your head and money coming in each month

You should have considered the what if’s before making such an investment. If you had done that due diligence then you wouldn’t be having this reaction

can you see this as an opportunity to have a fresh start. Very often stress (tight chest) is because life is too complicated. Can you shut the business now, both get jobs, reduce outgoings and move to a very simple life. Just spend a year going for walks, meal

This is good advice OP. You're obviously making yourself very ill from the worry this has caused, so you need to breath, get your anxiety under control and then take stock of how to move forward.

Ignore the bitchy nitpicking comments from others. Losing a lot of savings can be absolutely devastating for people, even if it doesn't push them into poverty as such, so a bit more kindness and less bitchiness wouldn't go amiss from some of you.

A few years ago we needed food banks and honestly I've never felt so hopeless.

I now work for a charity helping folks through what we came through. My husband found work also and we'll never be holidaying abroad but we have enough.

My health isn't great but my children are well, my husband too and we're together.

It'll pass. It might look different on the other side but it'll pass.

We were very wealthy when I was a primary-aged. My dad came from nothing and became a multi-millionaire through his hard work. The business was going so well that his elder brother; who worked in Oil&gas) got his contacts to invest in my dad's business. Other family also invested hundreds of thousands.

One day (through a wrong turn on my dad's part) he lost it ALL - everything. All our money, our house which was tied up in this (and was later the subject to very lengthy litigation with my dad's business partner), all the invested family's money and most horrendously- millions of investors money from my uncle's contacts.

My dad's family completely turned on him. His own mother told him to kill himself. My uncle (his brother) was threatening him and me and my mum had to flee our home to go into hiding.

We literally went from living a dream life in a massive house to living with relatives on their sofa.

My dad quite literally lost his mind. He had a complete breakdown. BUT my mum and my mum's family stood by him through all of this and he recovered eventually (with professional help) and he got back on his feel. Not to the level of wealth he was prior to this, but still doing well.

At the end of the day, it's just money. Many wealthy people go bankrupt and then get back on their feet.

Ignore the bitchy nitpicking comments from others. Losing a lot of savings can be absolutely devastating for people, even if it doesn't push them into poverty as such, so a bit more kindness and less bitchiness wouldn't go amiss from some of you.

Of course it's devastating to lose savings or a business but people are pointing out the OP hasn't lost everything.

OP still has two months savings. So NOT lost all savings.

OK, OP. I get that it's very upsetting to lose so much of what you've worked for. It must be devastating and I'm truly sorry that you're going through this. But you really need some perspective here. You have a home. Your dh has a job that covers the bills. You have significant pension savings. You took a gamble with your savings that didn't work out but you are in an infinitely better position than many, many families who also work hard and can't even afford the basics.

It's shit that you have lost your savings but be grateful that you're not having to rely on foodbanks to feed your children. We're in the middle of a cost of living crisis and lots of people are really struggling... maybe read the room a bit next time?

I'm sorry OP. It sounds very stressful.

But you are not losing everything. You have your home. You just won't have savings or surplus. You'll be ok. Many many people are in the position of having a home but no savings. I certainly have no savings or "net worth".

You will survive. You still have a hell of a lot more than most people I know.

My husband was an independent Telephony/IT Contractor in the mid-90's and early 2000's.

My majority of my husband's contracts were in Europe and since I only had a visa to live in the UK (I am American), I stayed behind and took care of our three young children in England. We made the decision to move from the SE to Greater Manchester to be close to his parents. We had a nice life there because he was paid handsomely and we afforded nice things like a new house in a fabulous neighborhood and schools, new vehicles, nice holidays and the close proximity of my husband's family if I ever needed them in an emergency.

Then the Telecoms and Dot.Com bust happened in 2000. In 2002, all his contracts were cancelled because many of the companies he worked for had filed for bankruptcy protection and the contractors were the first to go. He returned to England and discovered that we had made a mistake to move to the NW because there were absolutely no companies that used his particular expertise. We made the decision to sell our home and move back to the SE but our children were so happy being near their grandparents and loved their school so we stayed.

We buried our heads in the sand and believed our luck would get better and immediately went to look for any kind of work. We had some shitty jobs that paid so poorly that it almost didn't seem worth it but we did them anyways and we just kept believing things would improve. Because me and my oldest son were on a visa and not citizens, my husband could not get any financial help because it is against visa rules. We just weren't making ends meet and we made a monumentally stupid decision to get a loan against our house. We still had savings but we used it to pay the loan because we believed things would change. In January of 2004, we ran out of savings and couldn't pay the loan. In April of 2004, we were sued and had to give up the house back to the bank. We only had £75 to our names when we moved to Texas to live with my father in May 2004 and every day I am grateful for him.

The experience completely changed us. I can't say it has been an easy ride starting over again. In fact, we have started our lives over and over again because my husband had lost his job twice within 13 years and we decided to start a family business. We were finally bouncing back when Covid hit and destroyed it and we used up all our hard-earned savings. We are back to struggling and having shitty jobs to make ends meet. We are down but we are not out! We will keep trying and one day things will improve. It made me realize that we are more resilient than we think we are and you'll discover OP, that you are too.