Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended that my mum asked me to delete her card details?

37 replies

quinnoah · 14/08/2023 10:57

I had a few missed phone calls from my mum, who is 82. She called to see how I was, but the second question was “You remember you have all my card details written down, can you delete them right now please?”. I have never had her card details, nor would I be daft enough to write them down! I work in finance, so I’m probably a bit more cautious than most.

I explained I had no idea what she was talking about, but don’t worry I wouldn’t have written it down anyway. She was adamant I had them.

All I could think about was when I needed her pin to buy something with her card as she couldn’t walk up the stairs in the shop. I have no idea what that was now as I kept it in my
short term memory when I went to pay.

But she was adamant and quite arsey that I had to delete them, because apparently my dad had told her off for “giving me the details”. Even if I ever did have them, I wouldn’t write them down, nor would I ever do anything with their card without their request/permission?

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 14/08/2023 10:59

Just say yes.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 14/08/2023 11:00

So just say you’ve deleted them, and move on.

Rollonsept · 14/08/2023 11:06

Agree with others. What's your bond like with your mum OP? Perhaps your mum have a UTI or early on set dementia?

calmcoco · 14/08/2023 11:07

Just say yes. She's potentially mixed two things up.

TregunaMekoides · 14/08/2023 11:07

Just let it go.
They've probably seen something on the TV or heard on the radio that's spooked them.

SistersNotCisters · 14/08/2023 11:13

I work with the elderly and I think that you need to check on your mum. I've found that when someone of that age suddenly gets so wound up and will not be told different about something which isn't even true, then as a pp has suggested, it's often an indication of something more. Could be something as simple as a UTI or worse, the onset of dementia.

Mari9999 · 14/08/2023 11:14

@quinnoah
Why argue with a 80 year old parent. Just say " yes ,of course I will delete it." ? What's to be gained by having an argument when it is so easily avoided,?

crumpet · 14/08/2023 11:15

She’s obviously worried. You can help her be less worried by simply saying it’s all done and deleted.

Name99 · 14/08/2023 11:21

Just nod and agree

mondaytosunday · 14/08/2023 11:21

Dont be offended. Just say you've done it. We are warned loads of time to not write down this kind of info and she may vaguely recall you used her card so is just being careful. No big deal!

ASGIRC · 14/08/2023 11:27

Rollonsept · 14/08/2023 11:06

Agree with others. What's your bond like with your mum OP? Perhaps your mum have a UTI or early on set dementia?

At 82, it wont be EARLY onset. But I agree, it might be a UTI or the onset of dementia, particularly as she was so insistent on it.
It definitely bears further investigating, and not just being offended.

x2boys · 14/08/2023 11:31

My Dads a,bit l that he gave MY sister his card and pin as she was doing some shopping for him and then wss moaning she had it he trusts us both and I don't think he thought my sister would try to cuddle him in anyway it was just his manner

x2boys · 14/08/2023 11:31

Fiddle him!😂

MNetcurtains · 14/08/2023 11:34

There are a few programmes on morning TV dealing with credit card scams and whatnot, perhaps they've been watching those shows. Just tell her you've deleted them and move on.

Paix · 14/08/2023 11:59

So sad OP. The more you do for them because you love and care about them, the more they can find to mistrust and criticise you about. It’s draining, upsetting. Familiarity breeding contempt at its finest. Puts you in a vulnerable, stressful position.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 14/08/2023 12:05

SistersNotCisters · 14/08/2023 11:13

I work with the elderly and I think that you need to check on your mum. I've found that when someone of that age suddenly gets so wound up and will not be told different about something which isn't even true, then as a pp has suggested, it's often an indication of something more. Could be something as simple as a UTI or worse, the onset of dementia.

I agree with this. I realised there was something going on with my mum when she told a cousin that I'd stolen her car, which I was co-insured on, had standing permission to drive, and never drove without checking it was OK with her anyway. And there was a fair bit of other paranoid stuff that she couldn't be talked out of. It might just be a misunderstanding but I'd keep an eye out for stuff like this.

Blanketpolicy · 14/08/2023 12:06

She is 82. Thinking back to my mum at that age, and she said some pretty sharp things, I would have struggled to take any offence.

They can get confused and less confident/more fearful making them suspicious or a little paranoid. It might be your mum is worried or your dad is making her worried, perhaps they saw/read something about scams and the importance of being careful and not freaky understanding it all. Just be kind and agree or use humour.

AskAgathaIfSheWantsACupOfTea · 14/08/2023 12:19

I’d be concerned she’s fallen victim to a scam and thinks she’s given them to you in some way, eg via text/phone etc.

there is a “hello mum” text scam doing the rounds…

CornflakeWoman · 14/08/2023 12:26

AskAgathaIfSheWantsACupOfTea · 14/08/2023 12:19

I’d be concerned she’s fallen victim to a scam and thinks she’s given them to you in some way, eg via text/phone etc.

there is a “hello mum” text scam doing the rounds…

This is actually a very good thought.

OP, it strikes me (after the above) that she's using the word "delete" rather than "throw away" or similar so this is a possibility I'd want to rule out by asking a few more questions about the circumstances in which she thinks she gave you these details.

tattygrl · 14/08/2023 12:42

Either she's become worried about scams and suddenly feels she wants all her details kept completely private and in her control, or it could be something like the onset of dementia, or maybe a UTI. Many of my older relatives become periodically panicky about scams, seeming on ultra high alert for any hint of a scam, but I suppose this is reasonable as the elderly are targeted quite heavily.

budgey · 14/08/2023 12:50

I came to say this too. "Delete" seems very specific and implies she thinks she has sent it to you via text or similar. I would follow up on this personally. My concern would be that she's received a "hello mum" scam text, replied to it and then your dad has told her she shouldn't be texting card details in case they are found.

If not, and this is very unlike her, I would consider uti/dementia as pp have said. It could just be that they've see a news piece about scams/fraud and never sharing card details and it's frightened them but I think it might be worth asking questions. If it becomes clear that she hasn't been scammed, pretend that her explanation has triggered your memory and tell her they are deleted.

1037370E · 14/08/2023 13:12

I was just coming on to say the same - about checking that she hasn't been scammed and provided details to someone else, thinking it was you.

Thewizardbinbag · 14/08/2023 13:15

Did you ever order anything online for her using her card? Maybe she thinks it has been saved on the website?
Or she told your dad you bought something with her card and he has gone off on one and assumed that meant you had the details rather than the physical card for just a couple minutes.

Don’t worry about it. Tell her they’re deleted.

RampantIvy · 14/08/2023 13:18

SistersNotCisters · 14/08/2023 11:13

I work with the elderly and I think that you need to check on your mum. I've found that when someone of that age suddenly gets so wound up and will not be told different about something which isn't even true, then as a pp has suggested, it's often an indication of something more. Could be something as simple as a UTI or worse, the onset of dementia.

I agree with this ^^
You shouldn't be offended, you should be worried.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 14/08/2023 13:18

Just ring and say you've deleted them
There have been scams in the news recently so it maybe she is worried
Check she is ok as she may be running a fever which can cause confusion

Swipe left for the next trending thread