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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Old friend not replying to my message

33 replies

Sandals94 · 13/08/2023 22:43

I have a friend who I met up with a few times recently after not seeing each other for years (since our 20s now 40s) We got along great like no time had passed and it was so good to see her. She was very excited to get together. We only really lost touch as she worked overseas then came back to England but lived miles away. She now lives close by.

I've messaged asking if she fancies a lunch or whatever and she didn't respond.

Fast forward 2 months I send another message, pretty casual 'hey, how are things, new job etc'. She's read it but no reply 3 days later.

Makes me feel a bit crappy tbh. I guess anything could be going on in her life, but we used to be so close. Obviously I won't message again as would appear slightly tragic - but seems a bit odd. Anyone else get ghosted by a friend and wonder why people do this?

OP posts:
Callyem · 13/08/2023 23:10

I wouldn't take it personally. People have busy lives. She might want a hands off friendship - nice to catch up from time to time but not to intense.

Chowtime · 13/08/2023 23:19

Yeah I've had similar.

They just don't want you in their life. Thats their choice. Its not the choice we have made but it's their choice and we have to respect that.

Are there other people you socialise with?

SkaneTos · 13/08/2023 23:20

I understand the feeling!
I have been on both sides of this.

Sometimes when I get a text message/e-mail, and I don't answer straight away/the same day, and then the days go by, and then I feel embarrassed that I have not answered yet, and then I feel more embarrassed... etc.
Maybe it's something like that?

Qwerty2342 · 13/08/2023 23:28

We have 2 young children and husband has 2 teenagers and all get on very well. We live few hours from them so they stay every other weekend along with his mum who joins us too. From time to time the children aren’t available for different reasons which is understandable.
When these weekends happen I think of the extra time we get with my husband (who is also away in the week) as he won’t need to drive the hours back and fourth and spend longer away in the lead up to collecting them.
But the last few times this has happened, his mum has still come to stay. I offer that we could go and spend the day with her so she still sees the 2 young children but this isn’t really thought about. She is lovely but slightly hard work and requires entertainment.
AIBU to think she doesn’t need to come when the teenagers aren’t?

Olika · 13/08/2023 23:33

I think it's quite normal you meet someone you lost touch with and get excited and let's continue staying in touch but then you don't. If she wanted to stay in touch she would so I wouldn't waste my energy on her.

Original poster
Sandals94 · 14/08/2023 10:24

Qwerty2342 · 13/08/2023 23:28

We have 2 young children and husband has 2 teenagers and all get on very well. We live few hours from them so they stay every other weekend along with his mum who joins us too. From time to time the children aren’t available for different reasons which is understandable.
When these weekends happen I think of the extra time we get with my husband (who is also away in the week) as he won’t need to drive the hours back and fourth and spend longer away in the lead up to collecting them.
But the last few times this has happened, his mum has still come to stay. I offer that we could go and spend the day with her so she still sees the 2 young children but this isn’t really thought about. She is lovely but slightly hard work and requires entertainment.
AIBU to think she doesn’t need to come when the teenagers aren’t?

I think you need to create your own post for this??

OP posts:
Original poster
Sandals94 · 15/08/2023 15:19

Bumping.
So, I sent a second message just to say I hope everything is OK and nothings wrong?
It's only got 1 grey tick, so assuming I've been blocked 🚫
Why are people so cruel and odd? We were great friends for many years. When we met up (twice) we had a great time!
It feels really hurtful 😢 I'm in my 40s but sound about 12 I know!

OP posts:
adomizo · 15/08/2023 15:25

Let it go...I've been there but its not worth the headspace. You will never know but its almost certainly not you x

WILTYjim · 15/08/2023 15:37

I had to change my number recently in an emergency and haven’t been able to find my full contacts list. I worry people will think this about me but then I remember they have my email and postal address so they could contact me if they were worried.

sunshinenshower · 15/08/2023 15:46

Can you see her profile pic on WhatsApp? If you can't see her pic and only 1 grey tick this indicates you've been blocked (sorry!)

I've been ghosted before it really hurts. I think it's really cruel. Makes you question yourself.

No real advice for you but I can empathise. Try concentrate on the other relationships in your life Flowersyou were fine for 20 years without her, you can do it again!!

girlfriend44 · 15/08/2023 16:41

Sandals94 · 15/08/2023 15:19

Bumping.
So, I sent a second message just to say I hope everything is OK and nothings wrong?
It's only got 1 grey tick, so assuming I've been blocked 🚫
Why are people so cruel and odd? We were great friends for many years. When we met up (twice) we had a great time!
It feels really hurtful 😢 I'm in my 40s but sound about 12 I know!

It says alot about her and nothing about you op.

Move on and don't give her another thought .

bluepaint234 · 15/08/2023 18:01

Posted something similar about my DS being ignored when messaging people from his past and people replied to my post calling him over sensative and that a "grown man doesn't tell his mother this"

Op. People are sadly like this. Just gotta move on.

Original poster
Sandals94 · 15/08/2023 18:07

girlfriend44 · 15/08/2023 16:41

It says alot about her and nothing about you op.

Move on and don't give her another thought .

Show quote history

This actually put things into perspective a bit. I guess it does say a lot about her really. Maybe she's best left in my past. I have a small circle of great, kind, reliable friends, I'll focus my energy on them. Thanks 🥰

OP posts:
Original poster
Sandals94 · 15/08/2023 18:11

bluepaint234 · 15/08/2023 18:01

Posted something similar about my DS being ignored when messaging people from his past and people replied to my post calling him over sensative and that a "grown man doesn't tell his mother this"

Op. People are sadly like this. Just gotta move on.

I think social media makes it a lot easier for people to just block you from their life. It's sad really that these types of people walk among us. If I didn't want to pursue a friendship for whatever reason, I'd probably just gradually let it fade, or not be very available and hope it drifted, but to block/ignore for no reason is very hurtful. It's no wonder we have a generation of people on anxiety and anti depression meds! Social Media plays a part I'm sure of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sandals94 · 15/08/2023 18:12

sunshinenshower · 15/08/2023 15:46

Can you see her profile pic on WhatsApp? If you can't see her pic and only 1 grey tick this indicates you've been blocked (sorry!)

I've been ghosted before it really hurts. I think it's really cruel. Makes you question yourself.

No real advice for you but I can empathise. Try concentrate on the other relationships in your life Flowersyou were fine for 20 years without her, you can do it again!!

It certainly does make you question yourself. It's really hurtful. Sorry this happened to you too 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
Sandals94 · 15/08/2023 18:15

adomizo · 15/08/2023 15:25

Let it go...I've been there but its not worth the headspace. You will never know but its almost certainly not you x

Thankyou. I'm my own worst enemy, this type of thing gets in my head I think and makes me feel low on myself. I'll just move on and never know. Sad really but that's life I suppose

OP posts:
Anothernamethesamegame · 15/08/2023 18:16

I’ve been on the receiving end of this and it’s rough! Sorry op! Best to move on and try as best as you can to forget it.

Although I do think ghosting is a bit pathetic I can also somewhat understand why it happens. So people aren’t able to deal with things directly (eg say “no I don’t want to meet for coffee” or “I didn’t like when you spoke to me like XYZ”).

I do think maybe the third message was overkill, but at least you know where you stand now. Sorry op!

bluepaint234 · 15/08/2023 18:19

Anyone ever wished a friend/acquaintence from the past a happy birthday or a merry Christmas and been ghosted/ignored?

Original poster
Sandals94 · 15/08/2023 18:21

Anothernamethesamegame · 15/08/2023 18:16

I’ve been on the receiving end of this and it’s rough! Sorry op! Best to move on and try as best as you can to forget it.

Although I do think ghosting is a bit pathetic I can also somewhat understand why it happens. So people aren’t able to deal with things directly (eg say “no I don’t want to meet for coffee” or “I didn’t like when you spoke to me like XYZ”).

I do think maybe the third message was overkill, but at least you know where you stand now. Sorry op!

Yes the 3rd message was indeed a bit tragic and regretful 😂 I feel like I'm 16 and being dumped by a guy I thought I had 2 great dates with, but clearly he didn't. Awkward 🤣 Hopefully if she has any kind of conscious, at the very least she'll feel a little bad at how she handled it. Agree, I think people find it hard to actually tell someone they don't want to be friends and so social media these days makes it so easy to just block people without the anguish. Hey ho, I'll concentrate on my good friends and at least she's shown she's not a very nice person, so maybe I wouldn't want her as a 'friend ' after all. Thanks for replying to my somewhat sorry fir myself drivel 🌺

OP posts:
Anothernamethesamegame · 15/08/2023 18:26

bluepaint234 · 15/08/2023 18:19

Anyone ever wished a friend/acquaintence from the past a happy birthday or a merry Christmas and been ghosted/ignored?

I was wished happy birthday by a friend from the past last year. Sparked a little message catch up between us. A few messages in she wanted to sign me up to some BS pyramid scheme. Felt so possessed off. So now I might ignore a message like this.

Cowlover89 · 15/08/2023 18:36

Leave her in the past! She's obviously not a true friend otherwise she would of made the effort.

Find better friends 😊

Original poster
Sandals94 · 15/08/2023 19:12

bluepaint234 · 15/08/2023 18:19

Anyone ever wished a friend/acquaintence from the past a happy birthday or a merry Christmas and been ghosted/ignored?

I think it just confirms we don't need these people in our life.

OP posts:
WunWun · 15/08/2023 19:14

Can you see her profile picture?

Original poster
Sandals94 · 15/08/2023 19:53

WunWun · 15/08/2023 19:14

Can you see her profile picture?

Yes, but you will still see a profile pic even if blocked in WhatsApp. If they alter that picture you just won't see that alteration. It remains at 1 grey tick for messages.
I'm pretty sure I'm blocked, but even if not I'm being ghosted completely. It's really unkind, I've done absolutely nothing wrong.

OP posts:
WunWun · 15/08/2023 20:08

No, you absolutely don't see a picture if you're blocked on WhatsApp.