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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it rude to ask this favour?

41 replies

domylomy · 13/08/2023 20:03

Work a hybrid role and both me and my colleague are in the office on Tuesday, as far as I know we will prob arrive and leave at the same time this week.

We live in the same village and get on well, I think! We have car shared before as sometimes it makes sense to, but there aren’t many days where we are both in the office together and if we are usually one of us is going somewhere after work so we don’t car share. If we do car share they drive - they have said before that they enjoy driving.

Would it be rude/unreasonable to ask to travel with them? I’d get to their house, obviously. I’m probably overthinking it. I’d offer to buy them a hot drink on the way. I just feel cheeky when they haven’t offered but it cuts back on pollution and driving isn’t my favourite thing.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 13/08/2023 20:06

Just for this week? Go ahead and ask. The worst that can happen is they say no because it’s not convenient.

I never mind being asked or giving an occasional lift if I can do so, and I also just say no if it doesn’t suit.

BCBird · 13/08/2023 20:06

I would not have a problem someone asking me pre Covid. Now I would decline unless test done on both sides. If colleague not bothered about Covud,u can be at their house and bith depart work at same time,go for it.

WeWereInParis · 13/08/2023 20:07

I think it's fine as a one off, but I'd offer to drive them next time you're both in the office.

TyneTeas · 13/08/2023 20:07

When you do share is it always her driving or do you split that fairly equally?

Sexnotgender · 13/08/2023 20:08

I wouldn’t blink an eye if a colleague I knew well asked me this as an occasional favour.

monpetitlapin · 13/08/2023 20:10

Yeah I'd say this was fine as long as you offered to drive her in next time the stars align and you're both in on the same days.

Shinyandnew1 · 13/08/2023 20:11

It would be sensible to suggest going in together but only if you suggest that you will drive the next time. Don’t just ask that she drives every time-even if she likes driving, it’s not fair for it to always be the same person doing the work.

Louiseeee · 13/08/2023 20:11

not unreasonable - if you make your own way to their house so they’re not having to go out of their way to pick you up/drop you off and they’re going that way anyway what difference would it make to them except a bit of company which I’m sure they would like, especially if they get a hot drink out of it too

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz · 13/08/2023 20:12

Sounds fine to me

mbernue · 13/08/2023 20:14

BCBird · 13/08/2023 20:06

I would not have a problem someone asking me pre Covid. Now I would decline unless test done on both sides. If colleague not bothered about Covud,u can be at their house and bith depart work at same time,go for it.

You are joking, right?

mbernue · 13/08/2023 20:15

If you have car shared before, than why not now?

I personally think you should offer more than a hot drink.

panko · 13/08/2023 20:16

Just say something like "let me know if you're ever up for a car share"

mbernue · 13/08/2023 20:17

Also you won't be returning the favour - you hate driving

MagpiePi · 13/08/2023 20:17

Either make sure you take turns driving or offer petrol money. A hot drink might not be wanted but the driver might feel obliged to accept.

Delatron · 13/08/2023 20:22

When you say you have car shared before do you mean she has given you a lift? And she offered?
If she hasn’t offered this time I would leave it. Some people just want to travel alone to work and that is fair enough.

I know it’s a one off but I still
wouldn’t ask. I’d wait to see if she offered.

WunWun · 13/08/2023 20:24

I think it's fine as a one off. I would offer petrol money rather than coffee though!

Personally I'd hate to be asked this if you meant just ongoing

Delatron · 13/08/2023 20:24

Just because they enjoy driving doesn’t mean they enjoy ferrying you around. I wouldn’t want to have to make small talk at that time in the morning and would want my own space. You don’t seem to reciprocate? How do you get to work normally? Just carry on doing that.

FoodieToo · 13/08/2023 20:28

But why should she drive and not you ? Seems a little cheeky . As in you both need to go but you want her to drive ?

VinEtFromage · 13/08/2023 20:28

Louiseeee · 13/08/2023 20:11

not unreasonable - if you make your own way to their house so they’re not having to go out of their way to pick you up/drop you off and they’re going that way anyway what difference would it make to them except a bit of company which I’m sure they would like, especially if they get a hot drink out of it too

@Louiseeee

why would you assume they would like the company??

id rather my own company & the radio!

@domylomy having said that, I'd happily take you if you hated driving. A latte would be a bonus 😊

drpet49 · 13/08/2023 20:28

BCBird · 13/08/2023 20:06

I would not have a problem someone asking me pre Covid. Now I would decline unless test done on both sides. If colleague not bothered about Covud,u can be at their house and bith depart work at same time,go for it.

Eh? You would make them do Covid tests everytime????

eatsleepfarmrepeat · 13/08/2023 20:33

She lives in your village, she KNOWS she could offer you a lift if she wants to, the fact that she hasn’t would suggest she doesn’t want to car share.

I commute into another office once a week and I never offer local colleagues a lift, my commute is my peace and tranquility after I’ve sorted kids before I get into the office.

TeaKitten · 13/08/2023 20:36

It’s probably better to ask if she’s interested in care sharing generally. I would absolutely hate to car share, I’d say yes as a one off to help someone out but if it was just because they didn’t want to drive it’d be a no as a regular thing.

Ollifer · 13/08/2023 20:37

Lol at the COVID test before every lift

Lucanus · 13/08/2023 20:42

Just offer petrol money. What's the mileage? Work out what would be a fair amount in advance and offer that.

ttcat37 · 13/08/2023 20:44

If she wanted to share lifts then she’d offer. It would be my own personal hell. If you don’t like driving, get a bus or taxi. Don’t impose yourself on someone else.