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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it rude to ask this favour?

41 replies

domylomy · 13/08/2023 20:03

Work a hybrid role and both me and my colleague are in the office on Tuesday, as far as I know we will prob arrive and leave at the same time this week.

We live in the same village and get on well, I think! We have car shared before as sometimes it makes sense to, but there aren’t many days where we are both in the office together and if we are usually one of us is going somewhere after work so we don’t car share. If we do car share they drive - they have said before that they enjoy driving.

Would it be rude/unreasonable to ask to travel with them? I’d get to their house, obviously. I’m probably overthinking it. I’d offer to buy them a hot drink on the way. I just feel cheeky when they haven’t offered but it cuts back on pollution and driving isn’t my favourite thing.

OP posts:
Cyllie33 · 13/08/2023 20:44

Okay, so I actually think you need to be really clear on the terms. If you live v close this may not be one off so either

‘just this once would you mind giving me a lift because xyz’

or

‘hey x - would you be up for car sharing? If you don’t mind giving me a lift this time, I’ll do the next one? No probs if that doesn’t work for you and better to make our own way - just let me know’

Bandyarsia · 13/08/2023 20:52

I think you would have to do better than a hot drink and also I think she would have offered by now. I quite enjoy my alone time in the car and would not want to give that up for a hot drink on the way.

FinallyHere · 13/08/2023 20:54

I'd say once you have established that you live close enough to each other to make car sharing possible, it's totally fine to ask.

The trick is to crouch it in terms that facilitate their saying sorry, no unless it really is convenient.

As for taking turns driving and offering petrol money: totally fine to offer, I too prefer driving myself, am happy for anyone to come along for the ride when it's convenient and equally say sorry, no if it's not convenient.

greyhairnomore · 13/08/2023 21:10

BCBird · 13/08/2023 20:06

I would not have a problem someone asking me pre Covid. Now I would decline unless test done on both sides. If colleague not bothered about Covud,u can be at their house and bith depart work at same time,go for it.

What ?Confused

PinkFootstool · 13/08/2023 21:13

As a one off request, by all means. For the foreseeable future? Cheeky.

I refused to car share with two colleagues who live in my town. I like the peace, I like to sing when driving and I absolutely hate being beholden to other people's time frames.

WhatFlavourIsIt · 13/08/2023 22:21

There is no harm in asking. I pick one of my work buddies up every morning
She always makes me coffee, and we have a good chat on the way.

KarmaStar · 13/08/2023 22:36

As a one off yes.You mentioned you don't normally share so how do you get there ?
But,this week is ok to ask but not on a regular basis just because driving isn't your thing!that takes you into c.f. Territory.
She might prefer fuel money rather than a bit drunk so offer her both.

UsingChangeofName · 13/08/2023 22:41

Of course it's not rude to ask.
Not sure why you think it would be. You've said you've already done this before sometimes, but that it is on a "when it is convenient" basis as sometimes one of you is doing something afterwards. So, if you are happy that the answer might be yes and might be no, I can't see why it is an issue.

Todaywego · 13/08/2023 22:41

I think if she wanted to car share she would have offered.

goingtotown · 13/08/2023 22:44

If she hasn't offered to car share, I wouldn't ask. She likes driving but may not like car sharing.
I like to drive to work on my own, I wouldn't car share.

GrumpyOldCrone · 13/08/2023 22:49

I would ask, but make it really clear that I wouldn’t mind at all if my colleague said no.

I used to car-share a journey to work when I was in my 20s, and I enjoyed the company. Not sure I would now. So I see both possibilities.

stevalnamechanger · 13/08/2023 23:10

BCBird · 13/08/2023 20:06

I would not have a problem someone asking me pre Covid. Now I would decline unless test done on both sides. If colleague not bothered about Covud,u can be at their house and bith depart work at same time,go for it.

But surely you'd be sat next to them all day anyway?

rookiemere · 14/08/2023 08:00

You can definitely ask, but as others have said, let her have an easy out.
I'd be happy to give someone a lift on a sporadic basis, but I wouldn't want to get into a regular schedule of it as sometimes I like to leave a little bit earlier or get the bus if I'm going out afterwards.

CaputDraconis · 14/08/2023 08:18

I would happily help if you didn't have a car for the day (it's in for service or similar) but if it's just because you don't like driving then tough luck.

I like my time alone to prepare/decompress from the work day, listen to an audiobook etc.

Using environmental impact as a reason is ridiculous. Clearly the other person doesn't care or they woukd have offered before.

One off in a bind = not cheeky
Regular because you hate driving = CF

jeaux90 · 14/08/2023 08:46

I think she would have offered.
If it's a one off I'd say it's ok.

Car sharing is my idea of hell though, I have a busy life and I am a lone parent, I like the time on my own.

FLOrenze · 14/08/2023 08:47

I would not ask as it might make it awkward if she refuses. I would hate to drive someone else unless I offered.

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