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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Story time! AIBU to block her?

40 replies

SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 15:48

I hope this isn’t a long one but here is the story…

10 years ago I was in love with a boy and he was in love with me. We started a relationship. First for me and first for him. We were very young and inexperienced in dating but we very much spend every day together. We were attending the same school but different classes and had the same circle of friends.

We used to spend a lot of time at each others houses. He had my passwords to my computer and I had his. I’m saying this because it’s related to what I’m about to say next…

His class went on a school trip for a couple of days and he didn’t contact me. This was unusual as we always were on the phone to each other. I phones one of his friends from his class group and they passed the phone to him. He sounded very cold and the conversation ended. He came back cold as ever I was clueless.

So I did what I shouldnt and I logged into his Skype and I saw very explicit messages between him and his classmate (a girl) I was raging inside of me. I confronted him he denied I showed him the messages he confessed I broke up with him he begged me not to and to fix things.

I told him I’m going to go to my parents in the UK to clear my head for a month he said alright and I left. During that month he called me non stop so I thought he made a mistake and really wants me back. One afternoon he called and said he is going on a holiday for 10 days and he won’t have any service so not to text him or call him. My head started ringing like something is not adding up. I went on facebook and I saw that the girl he cheated on me with was offline from the same time he called me. The day he came from the holiday he called me I went on facebook and she was online too. I put two and two together especially when she posted holiday pics (herself only).

I ended things with him, blocked him and never went back to my home country. He never saw me again. I got over it pretty quickly and never thought of him or her.

after a while I created an IG account and one night I was woken up my a notification that someone liked my picture when I saw the name it was the girls name. It must have been very early in the morning in my country around 4-5am. When I clicked on my picture the like was gone. So she was lurking on my profile. She never followed me though. I thought it was strange. Same day I deleted my facebook and I only had the instagram account. I deleted my instagram and made a new one so she couldnt find me or I thought so.

Fast forward a few years after Instagram introduced stories I never really paid attention to who watches my stories but about a week ago I posted a story from my holiday and I got a lot of likes on it so I went to see who liked it and I saw that she has seen my stories. This week I posted again and noticed she was one of the first to check my stories. Im clueless why. I havent been back home, I left and they are still together so why is she checking my stories? I think blocking might show a reaction from me but how she found my new instagram when we dont even have any mutual friends.

I spoke with an old classmate and she told me they even have a child together so it’s crazy that she is so invested in my life. I’m really clueless to why she watches me. What do you think?

OP posts:
TooBigForMyBoots · 13/08/2023 15:52

I think you're giving this too much headroom.

Approaching · 13/08/2023 15:54

Block, move on, don’t give it/her any more thought.

Ladybug14 · 13/08/2023 15:57

Shes interested. That's ok

Why are you so invested in her interest?

Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 15:59

Ladybug14 · 13/08/2023 15:57

Shes interested. That's ok

Why are you so invested in her interest?

I wonder why she stalks me. Because its been 10 years I left and never made further contact. She got my ex and they have a child now so why does she still checks on me. I found it strange because its been so long but she keeps on finding my social media accounts I even changed my number

OP posts:
nadine90 · 13/08/2023 16:00

I don't think she's "so invested", I think she's curious and that's not uncommon. I think most of us have had a nosy at people we used to know on social media. If you want to block her, go for it. Personally I wouldn't bother as the next time she looks she'll suss you've blocked her, and then she'll be the one thinking that you're invested in her. Just laugh/roll your eyes and move on

Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 16:00

TooBigForMyBoots · 13/08/2023 15:52

I think you're giving this too much headroom.

Maybe I am I just find it very strange that its been so long and she keeps on finding me on social media.

OP posts:
Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 16:02

nadine90 · 13/08/2023 16:00

I don't think she's "so invested", I think she's curious and that's not uncommon. I think most of us have had a nosy at people we used to know on social media. If you want to block her, go for it. Personally I wouldn't bother as the next time she looks she'll suss you've blocked her, and then she'll be the one thinking that you're invested in her. Just laugh/roll your eyes and move on

this is the thing I know its normal to see someone from your past and scan their social media but I’ve made a few insta accounts and deleted facebook and changed my number and she still finds me. She got my ex they have a baby now, it’s been 10 years I havent been back home so I wonder why and how she finds me.

OP posts:
Toottooot · 13/08/2023 16:03

If you don’t want people who don’t follow you viewing stories make your page private 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hiddenvoice · 13/08/2023 16:05

I don’t think she’s overly invested, I think like lots of people she’s just having a nosey. You deleted your previous page so she couldn’t find it but you’d be better to just make your profile private. No need to block if you don’t care, make it private and she can’t have a nosey unless she requests to follow you.

Testina · 13/08/2023 16:05

“I told him I’m going to go to my parents in the UK to clear my head for a month”

When you were at school?
Are you American where they sometimes call much higher level education school?

Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 16:10

Testina · 13/08/2023 16:05

“I told him I’m going to go to my parents in the UK to clear my head for a month”

When you were at school?
Are you American where they sometimes call much higher level education school?

No Im european. We call it school from year 1 up to year 12. We don’t have college but we do have uni. Up to year 12 is mandatory and then depending on results you can go university.

OP posts:
Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 16:12

Hiddenvoice · 13/08/2023 16:05

I don’t think she’s overly invested, I think like lots of people she’s just having a nosey. You deleted your previous page so she couldn’t find it but you’d be better to just make your profile private. No need to block if you don’t care, make it private and she can’t have a nosey unless she requests to follow you.

It’s open because of a business I’ve started with my close friend it was private before that.

OP posts:
Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 16:12

Toottooot · 13/08/2023 16:03

If you don’t want people who don’t follow you viewing stories make your page private 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s open because of a business I’ve started with my close friend it was private before that.

OP posts:
Mama2six · 13/08/2023 16:15

Maybe he is being a dick and she is trying to summon the courage to message you to ask about your relationship? Just a shot in the dark from me tbh, although strange she has actively seemed you out more than once and is watching what you do

Mama2six · 13/08/2023 16:15

Your previous relationship with him I meant

Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 16:31

Mama2six · 13/08/2023 16:15

Maybe he is being a dick and she is trying to summon the courage to message you to ask about your relationship? Just a shot in the dark from me tbh, although strange she has actively seemed you out more than once and is watching what you do

Yes the weirdest thing is that she’s actively looking for me all these years. Especially that she is still with him and they have a child she shouldnt really care to check on my life.

OP posts:
EhrlicheFrau · 13/08/2023 16:34

Approaching · 13/08/2023 15:54

Block, move on, don’t give it/her any more thought.

Exactly this!

IhearyouClemFandango · 13/08/2023 16:37

You're hoping she is worried he still holds a flame for you. More likely your accounts get shown to her because she looked at your previous ones, algorithms etc. No reason to believe anything spurious or connected to him.

itsgettingweird · 13/08/2023 16:42

Mama2six · 13/08/2023 16:15

Maybe he is being a dick and she is trying to summon the courage to message you to ask about your relationship? Just a shot in the dark from me tbh, although strange she has actively seemed you out more than once and is watching what you do

I wondered if he's playing around (or she suspects he's playing around) and she's wondering if it with you.

So she's checking up on you wondering if when he disappears for a few days where you are?

If you get together with someone when you know they're dating someone else it's always likely you'll have an element of distrust in them.

Changingplace · 13/08/2023 16:43

It’s a decade ago, people are generally nosey on social media, that’s pretty much how it works- if you don’t want her to see your stories just block her.

Changingplace · 13/08/2023 16:46

I spoke with an old classmate and she told me they even have a child together so it’s crazy that she is so invested in my life. I’m really clueless to why she watches me.

So you’re asking old friends about them yet you think she’s ‘so invested’?

Sounds like that goes both ways, especially given the amount of detail you’ve gone into about the teenage barely relationship you had a decade ago.

seratoninmoonbeams · 13/08/2023 16:51

She probably looks at your stuff because she knows first hand her partner is a cheat and is looking out for signs of him doing it again.

Janieforever · 13/08/2023 16:51

Op, it’s been a decade. It’s time to move on, the phrase “she’s got your ex “has red flags all over it. I’m guessing you’ve looked at their social media. A lot. And now she’s doing it back.

it’s been a decade. Let it go.

5128gap · 13/08/2023 16:59

My best guess is that you've come up in their relationship. Possibly your charmer of an ex hasn't improved in the last decade and has brought your name up to make her jealous. He was certainly very young and inexperienced when they got together. Perhaps she was too, and they play these immature games because they're stuck in that mindset.

Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 17:00

Janieforever · 13/08/2023 16:51

Op, it’s been a decade. It’s time to move on, the phrase “she’s got your ex “has red flags all over it. I’m guessing you’ve looked at their social media. A lot. And now she’s doing it back.

it’s been a decade. Let it go.

I havent looked at their socials at all. I moved away and started a new life. Found it odd she keeps finding me even though I changed my number etc.

OP posts: