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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Story time! AIBU to block her?

40 replies

SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 15:48

I hope this isn’t a long one but here is the story…

10 years ago I was in love with a boy and he was in love with me. We started a relationship. First for me and first for him. We were very young and inexperienced in dating but we very much spend every day together. We were attending the same school but different classes and had the same circle of friends.

We used to spend a lot of time at each others houses. He had my passwords to my computer and I had his. I’m saying this because it’s related to what I’m about to say next…

His class went on a school trip for a couple of days and he didn’t contact me. This was unusual as we always were on the phone to each other. I phones one of his friends from his class group and they passed the phone to him. He sounded very cold and the conversation ended. He came back cold as ever I was clueless.

So I did what I shouldnt and I logged into his Skype and I saw very explicit messages between him and his classmate (a girl) I was raging inside of me. I confronted him he denied I showed him the messages he confessed I broke up with him he begged me not to and to fix things.

I told him I’m going to go to my parents in the UK to clear my head for a month he said alright and I left. During that month he called me non stop so I thought he made a mistake and really wants me back. One afternoon he called and said he is going on a holiday for 10 days and he won’t have any service so not to text him or call him. My head started ringing like something is not adding up. I went on facebook and I saw that the girl he cheated on me with was offline from the same time he called me. The day he came from the holiday he called me I went on facebook and she was online too. I put two and two together especially when she posted holiday pics (herself only).

I ended things with him, blocked him and never went back to my home country. He never saw me again. I got over it pretty quickly and never thought of him or her.

after a while I created an IG account and one night I was woken up my a notification that someone liked my picture when I saw the name it was the girls name. It must have been very early in the morning in my country around 4-5am. When I clicked on my picture the like was gone. So she was lurking on my profile. She never followed me though. I thought it was strange. Same day I deleted my facebook and I only had the instagram account. I deleted my instagram and made a new one so she couldnt find me or I thought so.

Fast forward a few years after Instagram introduced stories I never really paid attention to who watches my stories but about a week ago I posted a story from my holiday and I got a lot of likes on it so I went to see who liked it and I saw that she has seen my stories. This week I posted again and noticed she was one of the first to check my stories. Im clueless why. I havent been back home, I left and they are still together so why is she checking my stories? I think blocking might show a reaction from me but how she found my new instagram when we dont even have any mutual friends.

I spoke with an old classmate and she told me they even have a child together so it’s crazy that she is so invested in my life. I’m really clueless to why she watches me. What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 17:03

IhearyouClemFandango · 13/08/2023 16:37

You're hoping she is worried he still holds a flame for you. More likely your accounts get shown to her because she looked at your previous ones, algorithms etc. No reason to believe anything spurious or connected to him.

No Im not hoping for that like I said I left the relationship and never looked back. I find it strange she keeps finding me when I have been gone for years. People say its nothing uncommon but I think when someone keeps finding you on social media and likes and unlikes your pictures its a bit weird

OP posts:
Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 17:06

Changingplace · 13/08/2023 16:46

I spoke with an old classmate and she told me they even have a child together so it’s crazy that she is so invested in my life. I’m really clueless to why she watches me.

So you’re asking old friends about them yet you think she’s ‘so invested’?

Sounds like that goes both ways, especially given the amount of detail you’ve gone into about the teenage barely relationship you had a decade ago.

Yes we were all part of the same friend circle. I was speaking with my friend who moved back home not long ago and we were speaking about our friends she said they have a child I said oh she watched my story. My friend said its an awkward silence between them when our friends talk about me.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 13/08/2023 17:12

I think you either block her or create a separate page for your business. I have a private Insta and a business Insta, it’s good to keep them separate for your own personal life.

People go silent when an ex is spoken about, it’s better that way than anything nasty being said. They’ve gone quiet when your names brought up because they likely don’t have anything to comment on it.

I’ll admit I’ve had a nosey at peoples instas before and have looked at my dh exes and my exes partners. It’s mainly out of curiosity, I do t mean anything by it. I used to watch stories before j realised you could see who viewed them and felt pretty embarrassed about it. It’s pretty common knowledge now though so if she’s posting her own stories then she will know you can see her snooping.

Janieforever · 13/08/2023 17:15

SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 17:03

No Im not hoping for that like I said I left the relationship and never looked back. I find it strange she keeps finding me when I have been gone for years. People say its nothing uncommon but I think when someone keeps finding you on social media and likes and unlikes your pictures its a bit weird

Show quote history

Op, with respect. I think you have never stopped looking back.

Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 17:17

Janieforever · 13/08/2023 17:15

Op, with respect. I think you have never stopped looking back.

Show quote history

I have 😂

OP posts:
TheGoogleMum · 13/08/2023 17:19

Could it be the algorithm suggesting you to her so she clicks it? I get notifications about people I haven't followed. Especially if I have their number.

Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 17:19

Hiddenvoice · 13/08/2023 17:12

I think you either block her or create a separate page for your business. I have a private Insta and a business Insta, it’s good to keep them separate for your own personal life.

People go silent when an ex is spoken about, it’s better that way than anything nasty being said. They’ve gone quiet when your names brought up because they likely don’t have anything to comment on it.

I’ll admit I’ve had a nosey at peoples instas before and have looked at my dh exes and my exes partners. It’s mainly out of curiosity, I do t mean anything by it. I used to watch stories before j realised you could see who viewed them and felt pretty embarrassed about it. It’s pretty common knowledge now though so if she’s posting her own stories then she will know you can see her snooping.

I made my account private and I will make a new page for the business. Its not a big business and I’m hesitant to make a separate page for it but now I will thanks xx

OP posts:
Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 17:19

TheGoogleMum · 13/08/2023 17:19

Could it be the algorithm suggesting you to her so she clicks it? I get notifications about people I haven't followed. Especially if I have their number.

It could be but I have a new number but yes it could be that.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 13/08/2023 17:22

It could also be the algorithm if you’ve looked at her page lately. Or if a friend of hers has interacted with your page .

I know it’s hard setting up a new page and trying to get interactions but with your private account, keep sharing your new business page and encourage your followers to follow the new one. If you’re keen you could look into Instagram marketing and it will share your profile. I did that originally until my followers grew and I had more interaction.

Busubaba · 13/08/2023 17:25

He was seeing her behind your back and ended up with her.

He probably still plays around and she is checking on the most obvious person, you to see if you post photos from a destination that he says he's gone to a business meeting at.

She's insecure as you were all those years ago.

Just block her before you get caught up in their drama.

InSpainTheRain · 13/08/2023 17:39

You giving this way too much headspace! She may have looked at your profile as she was flicking through something, maybe you're a friend of a friend for her and insta showed it to her, she thought "Oh that's X from school I'll like it" then changed her mind as she didn't want to re-initiate contact. Perhaps find other things to absorb you in your new country, you've moved now - you should embrace it.

Typz · 13/08/2023 17:52

How intriguing! I suspect the Facebook-Instagrqm algorithm has linked the two of you and so keeps suggesting you to her - although hmm if that’s the case I’m surprised it isn’t suggesting her to you also.

But algorithm or not, she doesn’t have to click on your profile and keep clicking over the years.

So, let’s unpack this. He was your boyfriend and your bf adored you for years. She wanted him. Eventually he cheated with her but he still tried to be with you. He could have dumped you but he instead begged you not to dump him.

So I’m guessing she felt second best and crazy competitive with you.

So them you dump him for the final time and he tells her that and she’s happy but she also knows he didn’t choose her: she was second best.

And they’re still together but clearly part of her still feels competitive with you in some way. I guess she wants to know how your life turned out and who ‘won’ at life 😂 what a weirdo she must be.

But surely you can block her on everything? You don’t have to delete accounts just block her?

Womencanlift · 13/08/2023 17:53

You can hide stories from people without blocking them. This is exactly what Wagatha Christie was all about after all

Divebar2021 · 13/08/2023 18:00

maybe you’re the one that got away for him and she knows it.

Original poster
SinglemomOf1 · 13/08/2023 18:04

Typz · 13/08/2023 17:52

How intriguing! I suspect the Facebook-Instagrqm algorithm has linked the two of you and so keeps suggesting you to her - although hmm if that’s the case I’m surprised it isn’t suggesting her to you also.

But algorithm or not, she doesn’t have to click on your profile and keep clicking over the years.

So, let’s unpack this. He was your boyfriend and your bf adored you for years. She wanted him. Eventually he cheated with her but he still tried to be with you. He could have dumped you but he instead begged you not to dump him.

So I’m guessing she felt second best and crazy competitive with you.

So them you dump him for the final time and he tells her that and she’s happy but she also knows he didn’t choose her: she was second best.

And they’re still together but clearly part of her still feels competitive with you in some way. I guess she wants to know how your life turned out and who ‘won’ at life 😂 what a weirdo she must be.

But surely you can block her on everything? You don’t have to delete accounts just block her?

I think you explained it in the best way possible, I made my account private and will make a business one. x

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