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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not know what to do with the baby?!

41 replies

uebwrryp · 13/08/2023 09:03

DC is 10.5 months and I have him nearly all the time as DP is in the forces. He was away the first four months then back two months and now away again.

I am not doing much with dc at all. I am so worn out. Not physically tired but just fed up of the monotony. I don’t think I’ve got depression, just don’t know what else to do for entertainment?! Dc is more active now so he will play but for instance this morning I’ve put music on and he’s in the jumperoo… I’m here on mumsnet. It’s been 30 mins. I talk to him and so on but I don’t even know what to do today?! I see friends a lot which breaks up the days but it’s just driving around, shopping, quick walk, lunch. It can’t be good for him? He seems bored a lot. It was alright up until 7 months, maybe because DP was home so it was a ‘milestone’ time. I’m going back to work in 8 weeks and I feel like I’m being a really crap mum. What did you do? What can you do with a ten month old?

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 13/08/2023 09:05

Introduce some structure.
Do you go to playgroups, sing along sessions, swimming?

uebwrryp · 13/08/2023 09:07

Dotcheck · 13/08/2023 09:05

Introduce some structure.
Do you go to playgroups, sing along sessions, swimming?

@Dotcheck yes go to playgroups but they’re not on now until September! Haven’t done swimming but that’s because I can’t stand it!

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/08/2023 09:09

I found mat leave fairly monotonous too, and was quite happy to get back to work. I did like a routine though, and thinking back, at 10.5m it was roughly
Up at 7, milk and cereal, playmat, jumperoo, other toys
9-9.45 nap (I specifically woke them after 45mins)
Dressed for the day, into the buggy, walk to the swings. Probs an hour all in, swings sandpit and walk home
11-12 again, toys, sometimes I'd lay the toys outside and sit with a cuppa
12-12.30 lunch
12.30 til whenever they wanted - nap
The afternoon I'd be back out for a walk, usually to a supermarket to pick up dinner or stuff we were low on.
Usually by the time we get back it was 5pm, so toys back out on the floor, I'd religiously have Pointless on and make a cuppa like it signalled the close of my day! I'd feed dc leftovers while it was on

As soon as Pointless finished I'd start bathtime; dh would be home at some point here so he might step in and do bath. Milk and story, in bed for 7. Then dh and I would eat together after.

During that big lunchtime nap I would either do housework, read, or nap myself.

JustCarryOnWalkingPast · 13/08/2023 09:10

Don't drive everywhere! Put him in the pushchair, walk to a park, point out birds, trees, cars, anything, and talk to him a lot. On the park, put him in a swing, chat to other people.

WineIsMyCarb · 13/08/2023 09:10

Are you able to / is there a gym with a creche nearby? At that age I'd go 2-3 times per week for a workout (or a coffee in peace!). That sorts your morning out (getting up and ready, travel, time at the gym, baby naps afterwards as tired from creche excitement).
Afternoon spent running errands or housework. Errands preferable and to include appraising the bric a brac in the charity shop for nice little bowls for olives / nuts etc for your post-bedtime glass of something.

Do baby classes if you can stand it.

Any friends you could visit? Different living room / slightly different toys are very exciting for babies!

Basically, I made myself a bit of a weekly schedule... always tried to get out in the morning, then a more domestic afternoon (including plenty of scrolling).

Interesting podcasts for company. I like to think of it as language development for baby.

Sweetlily99 · 13/08/2023 09:11

Swimming/ messy play/ baby playgroups / singing musical sessions / library to get new books / play Park/ buckets of water with pots/ pans / toys / ball play inside or out / go on a bear hunt /

I found having a couple.of booked activities a week helped

StressedToDeathhhh · 13/08/2023 09:11

Swimming, parks, playgroup, baby music class, sensory play, stories, visit the farm or the zoo, mine love to be outdoors so lots of walks in the woods or the beach or time in the garden. 10 months is a lovely age and they're so easy if they've not started walking yet. Come up with a list of stuff you want to do together before you go back to work and add a bit of structure to your days and it will feel easier

uebwrryp · 13/08/2023 09:11

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz thanks! That’s broadly what I do. It just seems so boring! It feels like a waste of time off as he’s not really engaging with any trips to the zoo etc so no point doing that… I am not enjoying it!

OP posts:
Pandaflop · 13/08/2023 09:12

Do you live on the patch or are you not trailing? If you don't do you live near any barracks etc? I wasn't a trailing spouse but we were able to go to events and use facilities on the local base which was a godsend. Was also great to meet other parents in a similar situation and we did a lot of play dates and coffees etc. As long as they're getting enough stimulation I wouldn't worry about them being 'bored' at this age, they'll be fine. What do you enjoy doing, can they go with you? It'll change when they're a toddler but don't be so hard on yourself.

WineIsMyCarb · 13/08/2023 09:13

Do more of what you want to do OP. Wouldn't waste money on zoo trips til a good 2.5yrs. Only then little petting zoo / farm things.

uebwrryp · 13/08/2023 09:15

@WineIsMyCarb i feel mean going to shopping centres etc but I would love a day in a city centre! Haha. I think I’m just bored as I’ve done the things the previous posters are suggesting but 10 months in it’s a bit… gruelling

OP posts:
Gerrataere · 13/08/2023 09:16

Local softplay? Go early as bigger kids are likely to be all over the place, especially in this weather. I used to go out for walks, along the canal or around the park. You could do a diy sensory play? Buy some trays and fill with cold spaghetti, rice, cornflakes?

Curtains70 · 13/08/2023 09:16

I used to feel like this, I'd see people doing the most elaborate activities with their babies on social media and think, shit my baby must he bored stiff!

Then I realised she gets so much joy from the littlest things!

Favourite 'mundane' but things she's finds thrilling are

  1. Emptying out the tupperware cupboard and then playing with them.

  2. Unpacking and repacking the nappy bag

  3. Crawling after her and chasing while laughing (she literally pants with excitement 😆)

  4. Sitting her in the trolley in the supermarket and talking about what foods we should buy (and running really fast pushing her down and empty aisle)

  5. Getting in the bath with her and splashing around

  6. Letting her help decorate fairy cakes (this is a messy one so best just in a nappy)

  7. Half fill a water bottle up and letting her shake it

There's probably loads more that I just can't think of right now but just remember everything is new to them so even the littlest thing can be exciting.

I'm sure your DC is not really bored.

uebwrryp · 13/08/2023 09:17

Gerrataere · 13/08/2023 09:16

Local softplay? Go early as bigger kids are likely to be all over the place, especially in this weather. I used to go out for walks, along the canal or around the park. You could do a diy sensory play? Buy some trays and fill with cold spaghetti, rice, cornflakes?

@Gerrataere i didn’t think under 1s were allowed at soft play? That’s amazing if so, where does that?! Is it part of a bigger place or are there actually soft play centres?

OP posts:
Gerrataere · 13/08/2023 09:17

But don’t be hard on yourself. Tiny babies are so cute and usually just want feeding/changing/sleep. Toddlers are a mad handful but at least they’re engaging. This age is hard and yes, even a bit boring/monotonous.

Pandaflop · 13/08/2023 09:19

uebwrryp · 13/08/2023 09:15

@WineIsMyCarb i feel mean going to shopping centres etc but I would love a day in a city centre! Haha. I think I’m just bored as I’ve done the things the previous posters are suggesting but 10 months in it’s a bit… gruelling

Then go to a city centre :) pop them in the pram, go somewhere nice for lunch and get them out into a highchair, honestly chatting to them as you walk around, getting them out for a cuddle if they're getting restless is fine.

lunaalice · 13/08/2023 09:19

DH is forces too and I'm
Autistic so I never went out alone. No advice sorry but I understand.

Gerrataere · 13/08/2023 09:22

uebwrryp · 13/08/2023 09:17

@Gerrataere i didn’t think under 1s were allowed at soft play? That’s amazing if so, where does that?! Is it part of a bigger place or are there actually soft play centres?

Yes they often just have an ‘under 3/5’ area, google your local ones to see what’s available. I’ve always taken mine from the moment they had core stability/could move about a bit, just avoid peak times as I said as big kids will not stay out of there and parents of older kids are too busy with a coffee and their phones to take notice (I don’t blame them, we all get to that point 🤣). Just don’t forget socks for both of you!

SlashBeef · 13/08/2023 09:23

Go do things you enjoy and bring him along with you! I did all the groups/swimming/soft plays with my first but I did get ever so bored. With my second I strapped her into a carrier and did stuff I wanted to do. Took her to Harry Potter studios once, that was great! She fell asleep most of the way round and I got to enjoy a butterbeer ice cream in peace 😄
If you want to go into the city, go for it! Enjoy.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/08/2023 09:24

uebwrryp · 13/08/2023 09:15

@WineIsMyCarb i feel mean going to shopping centres etc but I would love a day in a city centre! Haha. I think I’m just bored as I’ve done the things the previous posters are suggesting but 10 months in it’s a bit… gruelling

Take him jnto the city! Maybe take the bus or train as its a bit more exciting for them. Does your city have a free museum? Drop in there in between shops/coffee shops if they have stuff you think he might like to look at, and some have mini soft play areas inside for toddlers.

Check out nearby garden centres. Good for a walk around, some have tiny soft plays at the cafe, and some have carp in ponds you can feed.

Also, when dh js home, make sure to take yourself out childfree and enjoy what you like.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/08/2023 09:25

Are you comfortable naming what city you are closest to? Mumsnetters can then recommend places which suit you and baby!

DorasDog · 13/08/2023 09:28

What do you enjoy doing?

I used to go to a playgroup most mornings morning just to get out of the house, but my treat for afterwards would be going to a nice cafe for lunch.

Your DC might well sleep in the pushchair if they are tired from playgroup then you can eat and read the paper in peace (I am obviously thinking back to pre-smart phone days here, I don’t know if people still read papers in cafes 😊).

As there are no playgroups on at the moment it’s a bit trickier but you could have a routine where you go to a park and he gets out to crawl around.
As he gets older or is awake then he can have his own snacks in a highchair and you can sit and chat together.

If you are then able to walk home, you can kill time with that and get some exercise at the same time.

Then when you get home the baby has already done social time so you can put him
in a jumperoo or something until he is tired again and then will hopefully have a decent afternoon nap during which time you can read a book/watch tv/have a bath - or I suppose you could clean or cook it you felt like it, I was never much of a housewife at that stage so would have been likely to read for a while first.

Don’t be afraid to put the child in front of the TV either, at points. My DC were all early to talk and spoke very clearly, and sometimes seemed very knowledgeable about the world, and I genuinely think Peppa Pig contributed to this 😂

I think you should focus on things you enjoy, and there will be plenty of time to go to the zoo etc when your DC is old enough to get more out of it, but you don’t have to do that now. It’s okay to build the day around stuff you want to do, and chat with and include DC as you are doing things, don’t pressure yourself about providing stimulation, it’s there just doing every day things with you.

mondaytosunday · 13/08/2023 09:30

Go to the city centre! Your baby will be looking around and all the new sights and sounds will get those brain synapses growing!
It may not look like he's engaging with things but he is - new environments, sounds, sensations are good. I found babyhood boring but I made sure we went out every day, even if it was just to walk, I'd stop for a coffee (having a snack packed for kiddo), and walk home - good for me and baby.
There was also a soft play at our local church community hall which we went to every week. I also met up most weeks with my post natal group pals - three of us continued meeting for four years!
When at home engage. Talk to your baby about what you are doing - just narrate it: 'right time to get some washing on, these dark things go in the machine, not this one see it's too light, and now this shirt I really like what do you think?' Etc etc. Maybe let him have a feel of the textures and play peek a boo while doing it - you get the idea. It is dull, but getting your baby to smile and giggle it's worth it!

panko · 13/08/2023 09:31

Go to the shops?
Paints?
Make a cake?
Do your day to day chores but let them help where possible

panko · 13/08/2023 09:32

But yes I found it a struggle, not helped by lockdown