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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by DH comment?

58 replies

Babysharkdodo123 · 12/08/2023 18:53

Coming home after a day out with DH, DD (20 months) and DD (10 weeks, who is EBF - relevant as BFing = hungry mamma).

Haven't eaten since 11am and been walking around all day (also recovering from CS). I was eating some crisps in car at 4.30pm and DH says "I'm not fat shaming you but before you eat all of them, don't because you'll ruin your dinner". For ref, we eat at the moment around 8pm once older DD is in bed.

Comment came totally out of blue and he's never said anything like that before. I probably took it more to heart because I'm currently carrying 2 stone of excess baby weight and can't exercise until 12 weeks PP which I'm feeling very fed up and down about. This is something DH knows as I said to him a few days ago that my body image is shot to pieces.

So AIBU for being upset by comment?

OP posts:
Copperoliverbear · 12/08/2023 22:37

You should of said well actually you are trying to fact shame me but I will eat what I want even if I wasn't bf, yes I will eat more when bf, but if I choose to continue to do it after it's not any of your fucking business, you are not my parent telling not to eat before dinner.

Backtothe90splease · 12/08/2023 22:38

I can't believe the tone of some of responses. You cannot be breastfeeding and recovering from a C-section and going from 11am to 8pm without eating. Look after yourself. Little and often to keep your energy up and lots of fluids too.

He should have been making sure you had enough to eat and drink, not making comments shaming you. Ugh.

Catusrusty · 12/08/2023 22:46

Backtothe90splease · 12/08/2023 22:38

I can't believe the tone of some of responses. You cannot be breastfeeding and recovering from a C-section and going from 11am to 8pm without eating. Look after yourself. Little and often to keep your energy up and lots of fluids too.

He should have been making sure you had enough to eat and drink, not making comments shaming you. Ugh.

This!

The silly twat should be supporting your wellbeing not fat shaming you.

He's not the one who has just grown a human and is now nourishing it.

Piss poor human, father and husband it seems.

boomtickhouse · 12/08/2023 22:57

Xrays · 12/08/2023 19:51

What on earth are you doing wandering around all day, not eating when you’re recovering from surgery?! Madness. You need to be kinder to yourself and your dh isn’t helping with his dickish comment. Arsehole.

This.

Presume you fed your 20 month old? Why didn't you eat?

Gringlewald · 12/08/2023 23:10

I would have found it very difficult not to reply ‘why don’t you go fuck yourself’. Maybe that’s just me 😊

Nowthenhere · 12/08/2023 23:27

You are feeding a baby and need to ensure your nutritional needs are met. Otherwise you can increase your chances of poor healing and infections.

You had major surgery 10 weeks and you're keeping small humans alive and the priority is your weight?!

Ask him why he's not cooking meals so that you can eat them on route? Ask him why your weight is now his business.

Fat shaming, what a ridiculous man.

continentallentil · 12/08/2023 23:31

It’s difficult to know if he was coming from a good place or putting the boot in, so give him the benefit of the doubt and just explain this was a hurtful comment.

On a literal level a packet of crisps at 4.30 isn’t going to ruin anyones appetite for 8pm dinner, BF or not.

ScattyHattie · 12/08/2023 23:38

So he'd been out with you during the day to know you'd not eaten, but is concerned a bag of crisps may fill you up so much you'd not manage your meal 4hrs later 🤔 I'd of told him to Fuck off with his 'I'm not fat shaming but...' faux concern about ruining your dinner, your an adult and can decide what to eat and when. So what if you did decide to reduce your dinner portion, how would that effect him?

When you get that hungry eating something is better than nothing, as can then end up feeling nauseous/dizzy and with BF /post surgery his concern should be aimed at making sure you have opportunity to eat & drink regularly to be able to make more nutritious choices.

SunRainStorm · 12/08/2023 23:39

He's out of order.

YANBU.

Try and prioritise yourself more, OP.

Cat2014 · 12/08/2023 23:40

YANBU, he’s thoughtless and unkind here.

Hibiscrubbed · 12/08/2023 23:40

Sounds like he doesn't like the weight you've gained while pregnant.

Does rather. And to those defending him being ‘clumsy’ with words, it’s never really ok to comment on what someone is eating. Especially if that person is your fairly-newly delivered wife, who’s exclusively breastfeeding and who hasn’t eaten all day.

TimeToMoveIt · 12/08/2023 23:45

I'd have eaten him for that comment

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 12/08/2023 23:53

He dislikes the extra weight and was shaming you.

If you stay in the marriage, tell him he now is in charge of purchasing and prepping healthy, appealing snacks, and preparing a portable version of them for family outings.

bethatgirl · 12/08/2023 23:56

I agree. I think he was fat shaming and worried you might put on more weight. What is wrong with some people!! Eat all the crisps you want. I ate a whole big bag of kettle chips when I was pregnant and felt no shame whatsoever!

Gowlett · 12/08/2023 23:58

Took me ages to recover from EMCS. It’s different fur everyone. My recovery was brutal. My DH said “keep up!” while racing along with the pram, as I shuffled behind on one of my first walks outside. Dickhead.

Hall84 · 13/08/2023 00:17

Absolutely OK to be upset. Maybe it was fat shaming, maybe faux concern or maybe he doesn't like any extra weight. Tough shit.
You have spent the last 3 years pregnant/feeding/keeping small people alive. The only appropriate response if he has failed to pack adequate drinks and food for everyone is, 'should I get 20 nuggets on the way home.'

caringcarer · 13/08/2023 00:31

When your breast feeding you need to eat protein and drink plenty. A 2 egg omelette would be a good snack and drink plenty of water.

FictionalCharacter · 13/08/2023 13:21

To everyone who's saying "you should be eating regularly! Why aren't you eating? Why are you going so long without eating?" - I strongly suspect that the husband has something to do with that.

SunRainStorm · 13/08/2023 13:32

Gowlett · 12/08/2023 23:58

Took me ages to recover from EMCS. It’s different fur everyone. My recovery was brutal. My DH said “keep up!” while racing along with the pram, as I shuffled behind on one of my first walks outside. Dickhead.

You're still married to him?

SunRainStorm · 13/08/2023 13:42

The fact that he referenced 'fat shaming' before he said it shows he was completely conscious of what he was doing. And just by using that term he was implying you are fat.

On one hand I can see if a partner was complaining about their weight but then eating a bag of crisps there might be a temptation to suggest they have something healthier in order to support their goals- but only if they have asked for your help in improving their diet or what have you.

No one will react well to what he said.

He should be supporting you by giving you time and headspace to eat well and do gentle exercise. Not by policing what you eat.

Redlarge · 13/08/2023 13:49

Eat what you want when you want. You must be exhusted. He has no idea and spoke to u like a child. Get a bag of crisps and throw it over his head the knobhead.

For what its worth when mine were little i carried protein bars and bannas with me for the same reason and it stopped my sugar levels dropping
I also ate lots of crisps

Redlarge · 13/08/2023 13:49

Backtothe90splease · 12/08/2023 22:38

I can't believe the tone of some of responses. You cannot be breastfeeding and recovering from a C-section and going from 11am to 8pm without eating. Look after yourself. Little and often to keep your energy up and lots of fluids too.

He should have been making sure you had enough to eat and drink, not making comments shaming you. Ugh.

100 this

Yalta · 08/12/2023 13:14

I am wondering who loses their appetite after a bag of crisps

Newestname002 · 09/12/2023 04:54

@Babysharkdodo123

Possibly he meant well but was insensitive in his comments to you. I'm not breast feeding and I certainly couldn't go from 11am to 8pm without eating - my blood sugars would be in the floor.

Thing is, if he thinks he was "helping" you he'll say the same thing again so you need to bring this comment up with him, as clearly it calmly as you can - and remind him that your baby is literally feeding from you and you need ensure there's enough energy for both you and baby - plus the energy you're spending on anything else - whilst, I assume looking after your toddler.

Why was there such a gap between meals for you? Maybe ensure you have healthy snacks in your bag for you when you're out if the house? 🌹

TheGoogleMum · 09/12/2023 04:59

Breastfeeding needs calories you need to eat! He might need educating on this.